Another post about my cat?

I sleep on the left side of the bed. So when the entire right side of the bed is open, why does my cat insist upon squeezing her fat body into the three inches between me and the left edge of the bed? And I can't pick her up and move her because she'll bite me (which I swear she does in my sleep anyway) so I end up scooting over and giving her the space she wants even though I'm supposed to be higher up on the food chain.

My cat is never going to die.

Things I saw today.

I saw a convertible Bentley next to a convertible Aston Martin at a light in Redwood City today. In Redwood City. Home of the crack whores, the crippled homeless, and...

This lady.









I also saw a guy with a leopard print car seat in the back of his Carrera, a small Asian woman sitting in her car re-applying her make-up with Cypress Hill blasting, and what I believed to be a large raccoon splattered all over the freeway.

Don't you turn your back on me when I'm talking to you!

Do you think that Wilson and Cuddy are tired of House stopping mid-sentence, staring off into the distance, and then stomping away to save someone's life?

Don't you think they would like to complete a conversation once in a while?

God damn it anyway.

All god's creatures.

I stepped on a worm the other day and I was more concerned with worm guts on my shoe than the fact that I just squished a living thing. Although, it was pretty flat before I stepped on it, so I suspect that I didn't actually take it's life, I just reinforced the fact that it was dead.

I think that in nature the smaller the creature is the more expendable it is. But when it comes to humans, the opposite is true.

I've noticed

that sometimes the songs that are the most fun to sing are the ones you're embarrassed to have on your ipod.

I know, nobody posts on Friday, right?

But guess what? Someone does. You wouldn't want me to wait until Monday and then forget, would you? (don't answer that, Jeremy)

I hate those bumper stickers that say "Give blood, play hockey." That's not giving blood, that's just bleeding. Those hockey players are stupid. If you want to give blood, go to the Blood Centers of the Pacific. They'll hook you up.

Literally.

(I'm so funny)

Have a great weekend, all!

Snot cool.

I just read in the TV Guide that Scarlett Johansson auctioned off a used Kleenex on eBay for $5300. That's...pretty gross. I mean, it's nice that she raised that much money for charity, but wouldn't you worry about the mental stability of someone willing to pay $5300 for a used Kleenex? I don't care who's Kleenex it is, that's just plain weird. It could be Jimmy Stewart's Kleenex. It could be Ashley Judd's Kleenex. I'm still not paying $5300 for boogers.

$2500 is my limit.

music calms the savage beast.

Since the iPod cord in my car no longer works, I've been forced to go back to listening to CDs while I drive. This morning I threw in a mix I made a while back. There's no date on it so I don't know when this was, but man, I must have been feeling down when I put it together. All the songs are sad.

La Rocca - Some You Give Away

What ever happened
to the promises you made
Those little notions
of your breakthrough day
My one mistake was
in making some room
Leaving doors unlocked
that you pushed through
And taking too much time...

Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter

And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

Neko Case - I Wish I Was The Moon Tonight

Last night I dreamt I had forgotten my name
'Cause I had sold my soul but awoke just the same
I'm so lonely
I wish I was the moon tonight

Iron & Wine - Naked As We Came

Eyes wide open, naked as we came
One will spread our ashes 'round the yard

Rhett Miller - Fireflies

Never say
You'll never leave
Cuz you'll never know til you try
In a jar
fireflies
Only last for one night

The Thorns - No Blue Sky

Cloud and rain, smoke and smog here
Won't see too many stars tonight
Biding time, waitin’ on a sunset
One last glance of gold, then goodbye

And so on and so on. One wrist-slicing song after another.

I have to say, I really enjoyed it.

We had a minor slow globe incident here this morning,

But on the bright side, my camera bag is now covered in glitter and looks FABULOUS!

I think I'll ask Santa for a Bedazzler this year.

You want to know what my son said the other day?

He asked me if you could marry your sister. I wasn't sure where that came from but I had never been happier about him being an only child as I was at that moment. Turns out it stemmed from an episode of Ben 10, not some random obsession with incest.

Anyway, I answered his questions and maybe gave him a little too much information regarding having retarded children when you procreate with family members. But you know how it goes. Those conversations with kids get away from you somehow and at the end you're left wondering how it went so far and you have a strange feeling you will be receiving a call from Teacher the next day.

I wasn't going to make up some bullshit explanation, though, because I have always told him I will be honest with him. I think honesty is a very important trait to teach your kids. Honesty, a sense of responsibility, and the ability to laugh at yourself are three qualities that will help you tremendously throughout your life. At age seven, my son takes more responsibility for his actions than most adults I know. (I don't know that many people) We're almost there with the honesty part, and we're definitely still working on the ability to laugh at yourself. I can laugh at myself, and I usually have many reasons to do so. (I trip on things) If someone makes a smartass comment about me my first reaction is not

REVENGE.
MUST GET REVENGE.

It's "Good one, _____." Followed by a chuckle.

Unless it's not really that funny, in which case it's more like "Oh, poor _____. You really tried with that one but you just couldn't carry it home, could you?" Still followed by a chuckle, but the chuckle is directed towards myself because I think I'm funny.

Anyway, teach your kids to laugh at themselves. If you can't laugh at yourself you will constantly be trying to get the last word, to make your point, to one-up others. And who has time for all that?

At least here

you only have a read a short paragraph before yawning.

I usually don't do this.

There's a girl at my dentist's office that I've never liked. But this morning she said I looked so cute, with emphasis on the so.

I guess I should give her another chance.

Train wrecks sell.

I was at the grocery store (Nob Hill, would you believe?) the other day and I noticed that Britney Spears was all over the magazine covers. With very contradictory stories, too. One said Britney is all cleaned up and doing great, and it made me really happy. Then another said Britney is screwing up her life. Oh, how my heart hurt with that news. One magazine said Britney lost a bunch of weight in a really healthy way and another said that she used some crash diet that screws you up. I don't know what to think. I don't know who to believe. It's all very confusing and I just don't know where to turn for the reassurance that I need.

I think...

maybe I'm finished talking.

This morning...

Usually, when I'm at a light and someone wants to pull out of a driveway in front of me, I let them go, but not the guy behind them. I'm a one-car kind of girl.

But this morning I let two cars go. Because I was listening to Five Stairsteps, Ooh Child. You just have to let two cars go when that song is on, don't you think?

Poor kid.

My son cried when he found out his dad voted for McCain.

I think because he finally realized that Mommy used to be married to a Republican.

You know, you try to protect them...

Time for a career change.

I saw a license plate today that said PTRANER.

Do you think he teaches people how to pee?

I had cereal for dinner. Like a stoner.

Did you know that the Honey Bunches of Oats people made a new cereal that's just bunches?


O.

M.

F.

G.

Ewww, old lady legs.

Can we take a vote?

How old is too old to be wearing white tights?

Because I say once you're out of elementary school you're cut off.
Unless it's Halloween.

It's like I don't even have a blog anymore!