One blog for sale! One blog for sale! One crying and spying young blog for sale!

Wow, remember when I used to write on this thing? Remember when I used to be funny?
(remember when Jeremy answered no to those questions in my comments?)

I was at a light the other day and the woman behind me was eating what I think was toast in the car behind me. She chewed with her mouth open. I don't understand how someone gets to adulthood thinking that it's ok to chew with their mouth open. Didn't she have parents? Or do you think her parents chew with their mouths open, too? Maybe her parents didn't want to damage her fragile self esteem by telling her she's doing something wrong. But that's just gross. And about a week ago I saw an older couple, probably in their sixties, both of them chewing their gum like cows. Cows, I tell you. So listen. If you have kids, please teach them to chew with their mouths closed. Nobody wants to see that shit.

Missed Connections.

You: Smelled very strongly of onions at ten in the morning.
Me: Completely grossed out and thinking you are a disgusting pig and how about you move your fat pig face to North Dakota where they tolerate freak pigs like you because frankly, they'll take what they can get.

Now that I think about it, that's not much of a missed connection. That totally belongs in Rants and Raves.

Nobody ever Raves in Rants and Raves.

I saw dolphins at the beach today.

I also saw another one of those stupid Nissan Cubes on my way over the hill. This is the second one I've seen; I saw one a few weeks ago on 280. I suppose I could choose to believe it was the same one, and there aren't two people in the bay area who think this car is a good idea. Don't we have enough ugly cars on the road, what with the rising popularity of the Smart Car plus every 5th car being a damn Prius? Come on, guys. You can get good gas mileage in a nice looking car, you don't need to resort to this. I'd even accept the Mini, even though I don't think you'd survive a wreck with a Big Wheel. Let's just think about our car purchases a little before going out and getting the next "hot" car, ok? I'm depending on you.

But really, just if you live in California. The rest of the country can drive whatever they want as long as they stay over there.

iPod on shuffle.

I heard a Curtis Peoples song followed by a Toad the Wet Sprocket song.

Which is funny because Curtis Peoples opened for Toad last weekend.

Self proclaimed dork.

You know what's worse than having Hit Me Up by Gia Farrell on my iPod?

The fact that it's there because it was on the Happy Feet soundtrack.

I wasn't sure which blog this belonged on...

The company NothingBundtCakes uses the catch phrase:

So yummy you'll wish it didn't have a hole!

and they all thought that was a good idea?

you with me again?

Quick, what do you think of when you hear the name Mojo Nixon?

Are you guys with me?

Her license plate said HI PRICE.

I may be addicted to satellite radio.

I was racing a Corvette on my way to work this morning.
He didn't know we were racing.
I still lost.

I didn't know that the Camper Van Beethoven song Pictures of Matchstick Men was a cover. Did you know that? It was originally done by Status Quo in 1968. (thanks, 60's on 6!) They didn't even change it, either. It's just the same song with a slightly heavier Brittish accent. I feel cheated. And it makes me wonder what other cover songs I'm unaware of.

Hey, have you guys been over to the Daily Innuendos blog?

Competitive spirits.

My son's team played their end of season tournament this past Saturday. The first game ended 0-0, but the other team had to forfeit because one of the parents from our team noticed that they had a player on their team who wasn't actually on their team. They played some other kid so they could win. What the hell is that all about? They're going to cheat by putting in a ringer (who didn't even get the job done, by the way) for a soccer game between a bunch of eight year old kids? Can't they just give their kids steroids like the rest of us? Jeez. Grow up.

tgif

I really have the most amazing hair.

Technology rules.

I try to remember to write down the mileage in my car and how much gas I got each time I refuel so I can calculate my gas mileage. The thing is, I know my car will do that for me if I just took the time to read the manual. It does all kinds of things that I will never be able to do because I don't read the damn manual.

And my Jimmy Neutron notepad works just as well.

Thursday

What's up with having a spoiler on the back of a pickup truck?

Wednesday.

I hate coming back to work after a couple days off to a huge pile of work on my desk. But what's even worse is coming back to no work on my desk.

Think about it.

Where did he pick that up?

My son just said "I'm in a crisis situation. I can't find my Lego guy."

Oh my god, they killed Kutner!

YOU BASTARDS!

Your sister is a whore!

I went to pick up my son from school (early!) today. As we were walking out to the car he sees this little boy and says "Aren't you Sophie's* brother?"
The kid says "Yes. My sister kissed me!" (which is weird in itself, right?)
But then my son replies "Your sister tried to kiss me, too!" and he said it in that "your sister tries to kiss everyone" voice.
So I dragged him off before the kid tried to fight my son for calling his sister a slut.
Even though my son could have totally kicked his ass. But that slutty sister better stay the hell away from my son, damn it.

*Name changed to protect the reputation of the young. Or possible because I can't remember the slut's real name. Your choice.

One thing about me is,

I fucking hate crooked bumper stickers.
Bugs the shit out of me.

Should have learned your lesson after the first two.

I'm very judgemental when it comes to strangers. Luckily, I'm not that way with my friends. My friends can be alcoholics, beat their dog, and/or cheat on their spouses and I won't bat an eye. But I see a grown man in a 49ers jacket riding a bike down the street and I automatically think he lost his license for getting too many DUIs.

Once.

Once I stole a chair from Taco Bell.