Sounds like Lydia got an A on the math test.

You know that song Jump in the Line by Harry Belafonte? Sure, you know the one, they played it at the end of Beetlejuice? Yeah, that one.

So, am I the only one who hears the line:

Senora's dance has no title
You jump in the saddle, hold onto the bridle

and thinks that sounds kind of dirty?

And yeah, the little hand motion Winona does during that part doesn't help at all.

I'm not dead, Cat!

I was driving behind some Honda today; the stupid chick was going like four miles an hour!
I say "Come on, fuckface, let's go!"
Then she goes to turn on the same street I was going to turn on.
I say "Oh great, because that's what I wanted to do, follow your slow ass all the way down Cox."

And then I giggled.

Because.

You know.

Cox.

It's funny, because, um...

Sitting with my dad and his cousin and her husband in the back yard after dinner in Idaho:

My dad tells a story about this one time he was at his neighbor's house and there was a commercial for Viagra or Levitra or some damn thing, and the commercial gets to that part where it says "if you have an erection lasting more than four hours contact your doctor."

(side note: hearing your dad say "erection" is weird)

So the neighbor turns to his wife and says "heck, if I had a four hour erection I'd call your sister!"

Laughter ensues.

Then I start giggling to myself and say "If you have an erection lasting more than four hours, get her some lessons."

But nobody laughs. Except me.

The Blog

There is a building at the corner of Hamilton and Leigh and it's called...get this...The Hamilton-Leigh Building. Really? They couldn't come up with anything better than that?

I suppose Building With Walls, Windows, and Doors would have been more obvious. Or The Big Building. I want to meet the guys who named that place. They must have huge imaginations.

"What should we name the new building?"

"Well, where is it?"

"It's at the corner of Hamilton Avenue and Leigh Avenue, sir."

"How about the Hamilton-Leigh Building?"

"Brilliant!"

"Uh, sir? What about the one at the corner of Olive Road and Dick Street?"

Self entertainment.

Sometimes I think I should have a t-shirt made that says

I'm so funny

because I am. I really just am.

"I did something illegal."

I think I have a crush on Zooey Deschanel. I couldn't help but like her in Elf, even though I tried not to, and she was so awesome in season 2 of Weeds.

I just wish I knew how to pronounce her name.

No kidding.

I heard this on Animal Planet yesterday:

These days, the cougar is showing up in suburban backyards.

Yeah. They're all over the club scene, too.

Ooh, and I saw one at the pool the other day. Rawr.

Sorry I haven't posted.

I've been a little, uh...

busy.

gamma fuck jesus?

I saw this scratched into the side of a minivan the other day.

It gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling.

I'm invited!

Anyone want to go to the party with me?

resurrected.

If I was rich, really rich, like Bill Gates rich, I would run into people with my car(s) all the time. Anyone that pissed me off, I'd hit them. That guy who changes lanes but doesn't have enough room to move all the way over so the back end of his car is blocking your lane? Yeah, I'd hit him. The chick on her cell phone who stops at a green light because she's distracted? I'd hit her so hard. I wouldn't even care, I would totally tell them why, too. "I ran into you because you were in my way" sounds great to me. I'd even hit that disgusting creature who was shoving her fat face full of muffin yesterday. She took a drink of coffee without even swallowing her mouthful of food. That is so gross. I would totally hit her. Just because she annoyed me.

I'm dead.

I have.

You ever wake up with a Bryan Adams song in your head and a strong desire to shove something long and pointy into your eardrum?

Smell me.

I used a new perfume today and I gotta tell ya, I'm kind of turning myself on right now.

Happy 4th of July, everyone!

Yeah, I watch America's Got Talent. So what?

Call me cynical, but when Lazy Legs Luca (um) walked on stage I was thinking "well sure, who can say no to the crippled guy?"

Identity.

If you ask one of those guys, do you think they answer "I work at Best Buy" or "I'm part of the Geek Squad"?

Thursday

I'm so bored.

And I really like the Drifters.

Toy Story 2 was okay!

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said God is Good.

If you believe in god, really believe in god, like, he's all that they say he is, then wouldn't that be kind of an understatement? God is Incredible, God is Amazing, God Will Fucking Blow Your Mind, Dude! These I'd buy. But God is Good? Isn't that kind of like a fat person saying "Eh, chocolate is okay..."?

I'd like to see a little more conviction here, people.

Reason #642 why I love KFOG

Hearing What A Wonderful World by Joey Ramone on my way in to work, taking my already excellent mood just one notch higher.

(of course, they followed it with John Mayer, which hurt a little bit)


It's sunny and hot and beautiful. I love California.

Just another one of those weird what-if questions that popped into my head.

Let's say you have to pee really bad. I'm talking three cups of coffee bad. And let's say that when you go into the bathroom you find a dead body on the floor in one of the stalls. Dead, like, murdered dead. Bloody dead. Not heart attack dead.

Of course you'd want to call the police right away.

But you still have to pee really bad.

And there's two stalls so it's not like you'd be contaminating evidence or anything. Would you go first and then call the police?

Or maybe you wouldn't have to go anymore after you saw the body, but you'd need to change your pants instead.