I walked into a door, fell down some stairs, anything!

Don't you think that if you go to a social function with a big bandage across the side of your face that you're morally obligated to tell people why you have a big bandage across the side of your face? I mean, you know people are looking at it, you know people are coming up with their own ideas which are probably way worse than the actual story. Just tell the reason and be done with it. It's your duty.

I'm not saying I want to hear the story behind every band-aid, but when it's something on your face or your neck, basically anything above the shoulders, I think you have to tell people how it happened. You just have to.

And if you don't...

I'm going to blog about it.

Mondays

Don't you hate it when you go downstairs to get that first glorious cup of coffee only to find that all you have made yourself is a nice hot pot of water because you forgot to put the coffee in the coffee maker?

I finished my book today and had a mild panic attack when I got home and saw that my Barnes and Noble order hadn't been delivered. I usually have back-up books. This time I was unprepared. I hated me for a little while. Because:

I actually read a Maxim magazine at lunch because I had nothing else to read. I read the magazine from USAA for crying out loud. That's how desperate I was. Then I head it. The gate opened. The doorbell rang. I praised the lord. Really, I praised him. Hallelujah.

Not really. But I may have praised UPS a little bit. Then I started a new book.

Happy.

Where is the love?

You know, I'm kind of pissed off that nobody told me about the tomato issue. I love tomatoes. Everybody knows I love tomatoes. Yet nobody told me I shouldn't be eating tomatoes because I might get salmonella. I just found out today.

Real nice, guys.

Cliffhanger.

I'm going to tell you this story, but you have to guess the end.

Don't worry, it's easy.

So, I'm at Michael's (the arts and crafts store, this is an important point to the story) and I'm picking out some scented candles for a baby shower prize. My son and I are smelling them one by one and we get to one called Tea Rose. I asked my son how it smelled and he said ok, so I smelled it and promptly made a face and said (quite loudly, I'm ashamed to say) "Ew, that smells like old lady."

I immediately clapped my hand over my mouth and turned around to see...

I was there, I promise.

The only proof I'm going to have that I actually did things with my son while he was growing up is the fact that I took the pictures of the activities.

Check IMDB, seriously.

I saw a license plate frame today that said: We have god to thank for a wonderful life.

And I'm all, I thought it was Frank Capra...