Saturday, December 30, 2006
And maybe the lemon-garlic chicken I make with the, you know, stick of melted butter isn't such a good idea either.
Or it could just be all the beer I had last night.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Yeah, this is what a five year old considers an appropriate Christmas ornament.
Kids are weird.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Well, you know what feels even better? When you wake up and look at the clock and notice that you would have left ten minutes ago if you actually had to go to work today. Then you still get to roll over and go back to sleep.
That's right, bitches, I have the day off. Nice.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Well, this morning I had on a jacket with no hood and my day was ruined.
All because of my hair.
Actually, all because the jacket I should have had on was at the drycleaners and when I went to pick it up yesterday I had this whole freak out because I thought I left my wallet at DSW but found it in my car a little later incident and couldn't get the jacket because I had no money on me. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm a gay retard. Who uses run on sentences.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
I put up a little comedy for you. Enjoy!
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
No death, no carnage.
Not a single cop or tow truck in sight.
Just fifty thousand fuckers crammed into three lanes.
And FYI, when you call 511 and you say "Are you fucking kidding me?" because they have nothing about highway 85, they respond with "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."
Don't even bother saying it again, he still won't catch it.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Some may say I love the show because I have certain things in common with the main character.
Those people lie.
I even love the chick who replaced Sharona, even though her name is Traylor. I figure she was trying to do something unique, and didn't realize that she named herself after something that gets blown away by a tornado.
And I can even forgive her for Son of the Mask.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Monday, November 20, 2006
Thursday, November 16, 2006
I say totally all the time.
I say dude, but only for emphasis. (I won't call you dude)
Never much liked tight.
I remember when someone said those words to me for the first time. I was wearing a shirt kind of like this:
Only it was cooler, and didn't say "TAG THIS", and it was from Gap Kids so it was actually much smaller. Anyway, some guy tells me "the fish are sick!"
I was confused.
Then he said my shirt was tight and I'm all, duh, it's a kid's shirt.
Turns out, he was complimenting me. Who knew?
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
It makes me laugh how spoiled we are here in the bay area. I’m complaining when the temperature falls below 60. God forbid it rains, that just ruins my mood all day long. If it’s not sunny and 80 it’s like the end of the world.
I bet the other states think we’re pansies.
But you know what?
They can go ahead and stand in the snow while calling me a pansy. I’ll be laughing all the way to the beach.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
I suppose it doesn't matter. Caden watches this in the middle of summer. Which isn't right, or so I've been told.
I still want to know why the Who's have antennas.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
I hate this sweater.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
1. Where's the White Parents meeting?
2. What do these groups discuss in their meetings?
3. What the hell is a Kaffee Klatch?
Monday, November 06, 2006
Then I stopped and laughed at myself.
Also, the quote bothered me because it's so redundant.
Friday, November 03, 2006
I started wondering, what if I'm his Fudgelover? Maybe he's stalking me. Maybe he's over there writing on his blog about the girl with the retarded license plate. (because, honestly, my license plate is retarded, but it does help me identify my car in a crowded parking lot, as I've mentioned before) Maybe he peeks into my car to find out more about me.
You can't tell much about me by my car either. Other than the carseat in the back giving away the fact that I'm a mom, it's pretty typical. CD's, Altoids, Kleenex. FM transmitter for my iPod which I hatehatehate. He might wonder about the passenger seatbelt always being buckled. But nothing else would stand out.
Well, maybe the empty beer cans and used syringes.
But everyone has those in their cars, right?
Monday, October 30, 2006
The day before Halloween and I just bought my candy. The pumpkins on the porch remain un-carved. I didn't even consider buying a costume this year and I didn't have a party or even go to one. I'm totally half-assing Halloween this year and I don't even care.
Because at least I have a Halloween squirrel to share with you.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Thursday, October 19, 2006
The hands rubbing together guess was the right answer. I was putting lotion on him after his bath and I was rubbing my hands together Miyagi-style. It sounded so wrong coming from his little mouth.
It seems like I never get anything done these days.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
I used to write so much more. I used to write about all kinds of different stuff, interesting stuff*, even. I'd post more than once a day, and I'd be kind of funny sometimes*. What the hell.
Maybe this is coming to an end. Maybe, after two years, I've finally run out of things to say.
I guess I could always tell you what's in my Tivo.
*Yeah, Jeremy. I know. Go for it.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
She will be mine.
She will be mine.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
But that doesn't stop me from looking at it and thinking "there's that shoe with the bloody stump in it" every day on my way home from work.
And what if it really was a shoe with a bloody stump in it? What if the cops thought the EMT's grabbed it, and the EMT's thought the coroner took it and the victim was dead, or maybe just unconscious, but I think dead and the shoe just stayed there? Oh, and the other shoe is several yards past the bloody one, but this one's clean. I think a hobo was wandering the freeway at night and was hit. Hit and run, probably. A drunk driver wouldn't stop for a hobo. I think.
It's been there for a couple of weeks, and I always see it, I look for it now. I'm way too into this shoe. I wish they would take it away.
I hate seeing that bloody stump.
(but god damn, I love saying "bloody stump", or did you not catch that?)
Monday, October 09, 2006
The thing is.
It really does gross me out.
Seeing it wiggle in there and remembering what it feels like makes me feel like throwing up.
And now I've handed him all the power.
Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
And because he found his way
I do not have to work today.
Dude, these fucking talking dolls are creepy as hell. Amazing Amanda. Yeah, she's amazing all right. Just sleep with one eye open because I can easily see Amazing Amanda standing over you with a knife in her little rubber hand. When little Amanda says no, you better fucking listen. But seriously, do kids really want a doll that says no and poops? What kind of fun is that?
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
It was nasty.
Friday, September 29, 2006
I dare you.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
I found these at the candy shop on Pier 39 a while ago. I couldn't resist them. It was a toss up between these and the ones that said "Just like dad!" but these won.
They make me think of Latigo Flint.
I think he'd go for these. After killing twelve men. With a revolver.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
I'm putting L.A. County by Lyle Lovett up for Amy. She made me think of it today, and now it's stuck in my head.
Have I ever told you how much I hate Jeremy?
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
My dad is in town, I've been busy. Busy watching the O'Reilly Factor and the History Channel. Did you ever want to know how the concept of horsepower was developed? Well, I can't tell you because I wasn't paying attention but I bet my dad could explain it word for word, if you ask nicely. Oh, and use correct grammar, he's a stickler.
Great, now he's watching Benny Hill. I just don't get Brittish humor. I mean humour. I'm going to bed.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
God damn it all, I love Mitch Hedberg.
P.S. Fudge chub sounds funny to me.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
So I tell myself I'm only going to use three scoops this time.
Just three scoops.
But I make two of those scoops big, huge, heaping scoops.
But still, I only used three.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Is that wrong? Yeah. I know.
But I do wonder why the firemen drove their truck. The firehouse is like twelve feet away from where she fell. The end of the fire truck was probably blocking the driveway to the fire station. Why didn't they just run on over? I wonder.
Monday, September 11, 2006
This made me laugh.
Is it just me or does it look like Mr. Miyagi is molesting Daniel? Kind of gives a new perspective to the whole "wax on, wax off" thing, huh?
Sunday, September 10, 2006
The brother in law is the best, he has the funniest conversations. He had this whole discussion about the "taint" which made me think of YoJ, naturally.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Substantialiscious is my favorite. I like the way it sounds. I love words that end in -scious though, like:
extremely willful; obstinate; stubborn.
I especially love the ones that end in -iscious, like:
1. causing insidious harm or ruin; ruinous; injurious; hurtful
2. deadly; fatal: a pernicious disease.
3. Obsolete. evil; wicked.
and my all time favorite:
1. arousing or expressive of sexual desire; lustful; lecherous.
But speaking of the Word of the Day, what the fuck is up with today's word:
small beer \small beer\, noun:
1. Weak beer.
2. Insignificant matters; something of little importance.
3. Unimportant; trivial.
They even put the pronunciation on there? Now, that's lame.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
And on a side note, when I eat these:
I'm not hungry for a long, long time.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
What's with the stupid Sleeptrain Mattress Center? They sponsor EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD. My morning radio show, all shows on TV, even the traffic report is sponsored by Sleeptrain Mattress Center. Are they going to sponsor this blog next? I sure hope so. Because as you all know, they are your ticket to a better night's sleep.
I'm going to lunch. See ya.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
What do you mean he's not here?
She says no, he's not here, someone picked him up already.
Hm. Heart starting to pound now.
She gets on her little walkie-talkie to ask the other girl, the one that goes to collect the Kindergarteners when school lets out. No, she says, the teacher said someone picked him up after class, he hasn't been here.
My hands are shaking as I call his dad to see if he picked him up early. My mind was racing, my sister? His dad? No, they would have called me. They would have called me.
Then the girl says
"I'm sorry, he IS here. I got his name confused with another boy."
Fuck you, you stupid fucking twit. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. If you don't know the kid's names maybe you should verify information before telling a mom that her kid is not there. Do you have any idea how many awful scenarios can cross a parent's mind in a fraction of a second? I hate you, you stupid fucking brainless asshole. Fuck you.
and fuck your stupid walkie-talkie, too.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
I might have to get rid of the music thing over there. Streamload/Mediamax isn't working so well. I suppose I could leave Gary Jules up there forever. That would hardly be worth the $10 or whatever I spend on that.
Now he wants to watch Cops because he's never seen anyone get arrested and he wants to see what it's like. I don't know if this is such a great idea. We'll see, I guess.
(oooo, the post already says 8:00. exciting)
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
So I'm flipping through the Sunday paper, reading the ads and the comics (several days too late) and I see an interview with Ashton Kutcher in the Parade. I'm not finished with my soup so I start reading it. He says he's happy now, doing what he wants to do. He says he was (or is, I guess) the middle child in his family so he spent most of his life trying not to cause trouble. And I'm all, did I just identify with Ashton Kutcher? Fuck.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
I bought an 18 pack of Tecate last week and there are only two gone. I'm slipping in my old age, I think. I had planned on having a few more over the weekend but never got around to it. Have I told you that I don't like to drink beer when I eat? Have I told you that I don't like to drink beer and walk at the same time? Well, drink anything and walk, really. Ok, I really just don't like to walk. Especially all the way across fucking BERKELEY.
So, no song this time. Sorry.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
How do you think he'll like it when I say that to him next time he falls off his scooter? "Mom! My femur is sticking out of my skin!" "Well, Son, you're just going to have to deal with that." Maybe I'll offer him a bandaid, but that's it.
My kid is an ass.
Friday, August 18, 2006
The other day I took a peek into the car and saw a black and silver travel mug and a tupperware dish from Ikea. This tells me NOTHING. Then I started thinking, I use a black and silver travel mug and I have that same set of tupperware from Ikea. (It was $2, dude, I couldn't resist) So I wonder. Am I the Fudge Lover? I do love fudge. Who doesn't love fudge, you know what I mean? And the similarities don't end there. I will say I've never slept with a black man, but even though it's technically impossible for me to be a gay man, I have taken it up the ass on quite a number of occasions.
That's not true, I've actually never taken it up the ass. I just thought it would be funny to say that. It was funny, right? You were shocked and you covered your mouth. Admit it.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Can't Accept Jesus?
then the plate itself said
That dude's not beating around the bush. That's a pretty clear message right there. It was on a brand new E55 though, so I'm thinking I should look into this Jesus thing. Seems like a pretty good deal. Plus, I already have an advantage because the other day I saw a bumper sticker that said Jesus loves me. Imagine that. He loves me. And I've never even met the guy.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Lame and boring.
That is my life.
You don't really want me to post. Trust me. You don't want to read about my cat's birthday, right? You don't want to read about my kid being a smartass. You definitely don't want to read about my masturbation exploits or my penis tattoo.
So just sit back and listen to some comedy.
Laugh for me. I need a good laugh today.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006
would to woudl
your to yoru
it's to it;s
the to teh (this one's already in motion, tahnks hax0rs)
oh yeah, and thanks to tahnks.
This woudl greatly improve my typing skills. I appreciate yoru support.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
(Stuff it, Turkeyblog, I don't want to hear any comments about my "operation", ok?)
Hey, show of hands here, when you hear Stayin' Alive do you automatically think of the movie Airplane? I do.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
I hope I'm on the jury for a person who reminds me of someone I hate. I'll be like "Yeah, she's guilty. Guilty of sleeping with my boyfriend senior year! That bitch is going to prison."
That would be fun.
I was looking at the website, checking my jury status (since we all know I don't need directions to the courthouse, right?) and did you know that you can't even bring your knitting needles in with you? God damn! What am I supposed to do all day?
I'm going to be bored and my cat is going to be cold.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
It was very cool, of course. A little different this time, since I was driving, but still cool. He even amazes me when I'm sober. I'm putting up one of the live tracks for you to listen to. I'm actually still listening to them, trying to decide which one to use. AS WE SPEAK! We're not speaking, are we? Oh, on the live CD he just said "Thanks for all the good energy guys, it feels great up here" and he said that same thing to us on Friday. What a dick. He's a total liar. I didn't feel any energy there at all. I did, however, smell a lot of pot and sweat. That was gross. They don't blend well.
I'm going to see G Love tonight. Fuck yeah.
Friday, August 04, 2006
I fucking hate spiders.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
You know, because they’re so expensive.
Anyway, what makes me raise an eyebrow is the flyer that says “Come in now and we’ll give you an extra 10% everything in stock, excluding chairs.”
Excluding chairs? What the fuck. Isn’t that what they’re known for? The chairs?
That’s like The Shane Company saying “Hey, come on in and we’ll give you 20% off everything in our store, except diamonds.” Lame.
Oh, and Tom Shane? You might want to look into a new spokesperson for your company. I know people who practically sprain their fingers trying to change the radio station every time your commercial comes on. We hate your voice. Get off the radio.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Monday, July 31, 2006
I also tried to take a splinter out of my son's hand this morning but was unsuccessful. He acted like I was trying to amputate. It this just my kid being a pansy or are all kids weird about splinters?
Someone in Fremont loves to look at my blog and has an awful lot of time on their hands. That's all I have to say about that.
Friday, July 28, 2006
What's that about?
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I have been listening to so much Mitch Hedberg lately that I'm starting to think in his voice. Thoughts go through my head and I find myself emphasizing like him. Like, the back of the Lays bag says "Nothing compliments a sandwich like Lays." and I'm thinking "They ain't said shit to me." And anyone who knows me will tell you that I hate the word ain't. Well, anyone who knows me might not actually tell you that. Unless maybe you asked.
I came home from work today and changed from khaki pants and a black shirt into khaki shorts and a black tank top. I'm living on the fucking edge right there, boy.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Things I did accomplish this weekend:
Consumed several beers
Went to see Monster House
Started a small fire in my kitchen
Had a banana split
Watched about four hours of TV
All in all, I have to say it was a pretty successful weekend.
What did you do?
Friday, July 21, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
1. Mitch Hedberg is funnier than I originally thought.
2. When you're alone, watching your kid's gymnastics class, and you listen to Mitch Hedberg on your iPod you look like a fucking idiot.
Let's see if I can make this happen. Try downloading him.
What would possess a person to hang a sword from a tiny bottle of Sunny Delight? Then be completely shocked when the bottle tips over and spills all over the kitchen floor?
I mean, it's enough to not be aware that a four foot sword will not be supported by an eight ounce bottle of juice, but why on earth would you want to do this? When did hanging things from beverages become entertainment?
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
No. She said nothing.
I didn't turn on my alarm clock last night. I checked it to make sure it was set for the correct time, which I do every night even though I know I haven't changed it. Hm. Apparently, just checking to see what time it's set for doesn't actually make it go off in the morning. You'd think so, but you'd be wrong. I mean, the alarm clock should know that you don't check it if you're sleeping in the next day, right?
My hands smell like tuna.
Good god, that sounded so wrong.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
That's a bunch of crap.
I totally want it now, simply because I can't have it.
I wonder how much trouble they had with it that they had to make it a rule? I would love to see how sneaky people tried to be, hiding a 69 reference in their license plates.
Give it a try.
Would you rather have a friend think of you as a dick or a pussy?
Let us say you have a friend who is a member of the opposite sex. Your new girlfriend/boyfriend comes along and demands that you no longer be friends with this person. Do you
a. Dump this friend of four years without a word of explanation, leading them to believe you are a complete dick, or do you
b. Tell this friend what’s going on and risk the friend thinking of you as a total pussy?
**Just to clarify, nobody has asked me to get rid of anybody.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Saturday, July 08, 2006
LA is weird. It takes a certain breed to be able to live there, I think. Certain things drive me crazy, like the lack of left turn lights. Also, where else can you be sitting in gridlock at noon on a weekday, on a freeway that has like seventeen lanes? Also, the McDonalds across the street from Disneyland is full of white trash after 9pm. Also, it's fucking hot there.
I noticed that a lot of people are ugly. I noticed also that a lot of ugly people have cute kids. How does that happen? It's like the kids take only the good features of each parent. Or something. Since there are some parents with no good features. Milkman's baby? It's possible.
I noticed that a lot of people who shouldn't be showing their feet to anyone but a podiatrist wear sandals. Don't they know? Don't they ever look at their own feet? Haven't they ever heard of lotion?
I noticed that a lot of women wear clothes that shouldn't see the light of day. And show body parts that shouldn't see the light of day.
And hello, my kid is useless. We were in line near this guy who was holding his girlfriend's purse, this small lime green thing. I tried to get Caden to tell him "Your purse is cute" but he wouldn't do it. What good is that kid anyway?
Friday, June 30, 2006
I got a cake today. It said "happy birthday Cindy" and everything. So pretty.
I took a picture.
Yes, that was my way of saying "it's my birthday, so tell me happy birthday"...
I'm getting a new water heater today, too. Not for my birthday. Just because.
That's so cute.
Have a great weekend, everyone. Have fun celebrating my birthday and the birthday of this great country of ours.
Have a drink or two. But be safe. For me.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
And no, I didn't go on the water slide. I decided to be old and tired.
Yeah, yeah, I know I suck.
I have nothing interesting to say right now though. Hm, let's see....
I caught a bit of Passions while I was getting a pedicure. That show is rediculous even by soap opera standards. And soap opera standards are pretty low.
Congratulations to Grrrace on the successful expellation of her beautiful daughter.
Whew, this has been tiring. I have to nap now.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
And yeah, I realize she's um, lost a little weight, but still.
Lindsay Lohan is cute!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
"Some places do do..."
(and here, I actually paused, said "do do. heh heh" then continued)
Some places will do 100% loan to value, etc..."
I can't believe I said that to a customer. What am I, seven years old?
(OMG, I didn't have to change the time. I started this post at exactly 3pm. That's so awesome)
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
At least, that's what I hope happened, not that she got the plate herself. Nobody would really choose that plate for themselves, right?
Anyway, the funny part is this. They used the heart symbol for the word love, so it looked like it said "Harder daughter".
Which is gross. Really, really gross.
I haven't been to work this week until today, so today is like my Monday. Yeah, I know Cat, it's your Friday. Blah blah. Shut up.
I was home with my son who was sick, so it's not even like I had a vacation. You know how when you spend too much time with someone you get sick of them and you start not getting along? That's what happened with Caden and me. Of course, as soon as I drop him off at school I get all sad.
Hey, I have an idea! How about today goes even slower!
Monday, June 19, 2006
Even though the preview made me well up a little bit.
We also put Homeward Bound and Free Willy on the list.
Those don't make me cry either.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Ok, if I have to be perfectly honest, two other lines made me laugh also. I didn't want to admit that. But I don't want to be a liar either.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Thursday, June 15, 2006
I just want to go on record that I'm posting under pressure. I realize that this post is lame, but hey, I never claimed to be a literary genius. This is so Cat will stop worrying about me. Love you, Cat!
Saturday, June 10, 2006
After we left, my friend says "oh, no, my friend told me to wait until after the credits because something happens". Thanks, asshole, now you tell me? So, if anyone knows what that is, please tell me. I can't see it again until it comes out on DVD. Not a big movie theater fan, even when we bring beers with us, which we did.
Today I'm watching Brokeback Mountain. Funny, but can you imagine two movies further apart on the manliness spectrum as X-Men and Brokeback? It made me laugh when Heath Ledger said "I'm not a queer" and Jake Gyllenhaal says "Me neither". I'm like, you just had your dick in his ass, how does that make you not gay?
I saw the preview for Superman Returns, too. I think any time you see a trailer at the movie theater it's more exciting. At any rate, a movie I formerly couldn't care less about is now on my must see list. That's funny, like I have a must see list. I also saw a trailer for a movie with Dwight from The Office in it. I love Dwight. (and if you haven't seen them, I watched all the fake The More You Know commercials from The Office, and they're pretty funny. I like this one)
Ryan started the fire...
Friday, June 09, 2006
why can't you post something about my liver failing? that's so much cooler
On 6/9/06, Cindy
"Terra's liver is failing because she has ringworm and scabies"
On 6/9/06, Terra T
i'm going to stab you in the face one day... perhaps tomorrow
On 6/9/06, Cindy
don't mess up my beautiful face.
On 6/9/06, Terra T
true, it would be sad. but on the other hand maybe you need to learn a lesson.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
I'll have to make sure my daughter is a tomboy.
Also, a little while ago I head a man talking behind me, he sounded exactly like Ray Romano. I turned to look at him and he was this tiny little Phillipino guy. It was strange because in my head he was Ray Romano. It's hard to un-see something you've already decided is true.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Fatty, get the hell out of my way
Fatty, shut up
Fatty, get off my lap, you're cutting off the circulation in my legs
You're such a fat fuck, Fatty, that when you walk down the street people say "God damn it, that cat's a big, fat fuck!"
No, that's not true, the last line is from a really old South Park episode. I haven't said that to her in years. It's true though, she really is a fat fuck. (warning: tangent) And if you're interested in watching the episode I'm referring to, you can see it here. It was the first time I had ever seen South Park and damn, did I laugh. I like it much better when they swear. But who doesn't, right? Swearing is funny, especially in cartoons. The friend who introduced me to this South Park (he brought it over on VHS, that's how long ago it was) was named Swinger, that was his last name, or so I believed. Turns out his last name is Singer, I found that out after about a year or so. What a dork I am.
So, back to my cat.
Nah, on second thought I'm finished with that subject. On with my day.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
For dinner tonight I had a bowl of cereal, a piece of chocolate cake, and a beer. Obviously, I had only myself to feed tonight, so I went with the deliciousness.
I smoked a clove.
Because that's when a smoke tasts best. After supper.
(name that movie, anyone?)
I still don't get the whole wheelchair thing. Probably because I refuse to click it. But if it's for someone who's, say, color blind, wouldn't it make more sense to have it say something like "Hey! If you're color blind and you can't see the verification letters, CLICK HERE!"? I mean, why the wheelchair? Wouldn't that be offensive to someone who needs to click the wheelchair? Like, "Oh, what are you saying, just because I can't read I'm handicapped?" Never underestimate the power of the handicapped. Ah, good old Jim Carrey. My sister used to love that.
Not because she's handicapped or anything.
Friday, May 26, 2006
What if it's just there for me?
Tell me you guys see it too.
You do, right?
(Hey Grace, I'm posting 2 minutes before 12:30, shhh)
I work for a very small company, so when someone comes into the office, chances are I know the person. Just now a currier guy came in that I've never seen and scared the heck out of me. He walks in all fast, heads straight towards me, instead of the counter. Why am I such a pansy? Seriously?
Outlook gave me the greatest tip of the day today:
When you compose a new message, briefly summarize what the message is about in the subject line. That way, the recipient will know what your message is about before they even open it up.
Can you believe how helpful that is? Thanks, Bill.
And now I'm going to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I brought it for lunch but I want it now. You can't stop me.
Then I answered the phone and said my name was Sydney, not Cindy. Maybe it's the lack of caffeine.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
They don't care how you look
You can totally double dip in the ranch and they won't even notice
All you have to do is make a silly face and they laugh
You can spend twenty minutes throwing a ball back and forth down the hallway and it's fun
We watched Sky High a couple of times. Yeah, kids like to watch the same thing over and over. Kind of like men.
You know, Linda Carter is in that movie and she's still looking pretty hot. I was impressed.
Why do you think she's holding her finger up like that? She obviously wants one, but one what?
One Kelly Preston, maybe?
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
I'm putting a new song up today by Belle & Sebastian. It's my new favorite song and will probably remain my favorite song for at least a week, so check it out. It makes me feel good and it makes me dance in my car.
I'm going to meet Ian for lunch in San Francisco today. If I don't come back, please call 911.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
There were also several pictures of us doing retard impressions. We're so going to hell.
I can't change my song because Streamload is apparently doing an "upgrade". Fuckers.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
I walked past a water fountain with my son yesterday and he asked for a penny. I gave him two and he stood there with his eyes shut and whispered "I wish I had a dog!" and threw the penny as if it held the secrets of the universe. Then he did the same thing for his second wish; "I wish I was a grown up!"
On the way back I gave him a few more pennies. He was so excited; he said "you're giving me a lot of wishes!" and ran over to the fountain. These were his wishes:
I wish I had a pool
I wish I was a super hero
I wish I had one hundred friends
I wish I had a water fountain (talk about easily influenced...)
(I wish I could believe in magic again.)
(hey Ty, you see that period inside the parenthesis?)
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Friday, May 05, 2006
Help! I'm stuck inside this invisible box! Look at me, there are invisible walls all around me and I can't get out. I have no alcohol and it's Cinco de Mayo! Someone please help me!
Oh no wait, I suppose it's meme time. I was tagged for this a few weeks ago by Catheroo and I've managed to avoid it with the usual excuses, I'm too busy, I'll do it next time, maybe if I wait long enough she'll forget, etc. Then I was tagged again by Yankee Bob. I figure there's no getting out of it this time since
1. god hates me because I don't believe in him/her/it, and
b. at least I'm not reviewing sappy chick flicks like some other hard ass turned mush pot that we know, and f-u-r-t-h-e-r-m-o-r-e...
I'm too excited to sleep!
So I guess I'm supposed to list six or ten or twelve odd facts about myself. I don't know really, it looks like the people chosen keep trying to one up each other. But since we all know that I've never been what you'd call an over-achiever, I'm just going to start a list and see where I get. And since I'm not at all odd, this list may be very short. The other reason it could be short is because I will lose interest in about six minutes and just post this sucker. Also, I don't like to talk about myself. Ha.
1. I refuse to discuss bodily functions. Don't even try it.
2. My worst fear is dying naked. Well, I guess that's my second worst fear. At least I'm dead at that point, which would be better than being injured naked and having to be rescued by the fire department or something. I have no doubt that my leg could be severed and I'd still drag my bleeding self to get some clothes on before calling 911.
3. I have dislocated my knee in the following ways:
a. spinning in circles
b. playing badminton
c. turning a cartwheel
d. walking backwards (broke my arm at the same time, I'm so graceful)
e. kicking a ball (a big ball)
f. taking a street dancing class (apparently I suck at it)
g. I think that's all?
4. I can't remember my childhood.
5. If you ask me something there's a good chance I just won't answer you. Not because I'm trying to be difficult but because I don't know. If you ask me what I want for dinner and I don't know what I want, I won't tell you I don't know, I just won't answer the question. It's frustrating, I'm told.
6. I don't hold grudges. Mostly because I just don't want to, but also because I will eventually forget I'm supposed to be mad at you.
7. Blood and guts doesn't bother me at all, but that dog come in the eclair scene from Van Wilder made me want to vomit.
8. For some reason Freddie Krueger scares the living hell out of me. Jason I can handle, the Exorcist I can handle, but Freddie Krueger, no way. Scares me.
Yeah, I'm done now. I got to eight and I'm pretty proud of that.
So, just to be a bitch, I choose Cat, Amy, and Triman to do this next.
(#9. I cannot do an evil laugh to save my life. I've actually been told that my evil laugh may be the least evil thing ever heard)
Oh yeah, here's #10. I have to change the time I publish my posts. I prefer it to be right on the hour, like right now it's five minutes to ten but I'm making it say 10 anyway. Runner up is a half hour, 10:30 would be acceptable. Occasionally I will have to make it :45, but only because I don't want to be a liar. But that's it. You will not see my posts at 10:07 or 4:52. If you ever see that call the cops because someone murdered me and is impersonating me on my blog. I don't want to point any fingers but you might take a close look at TerraT...
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Monday, May 01, 2006
I went to Triman's blog today and was greeted by a slut with messy hair, right? (pause, while you click the link and check her out)
Ok, ready to move on?
Fine, I'll wait...
So, what I don't understand is why the porn girls think that a stoned look is a sexy look. They seem to have those stoned looking eyes, at least from what I've seen on Ty's blog. I don't look at a lot of pictures like these other than what the bloggers leave out there for us. Maybe I'm wrong, or maybe it's just Ty who prefers his girls drugged because they're less resistant.
Or are they really all just stoned?
I don't know these things. Maybe I should do a little more research.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Friday, April 28, 2006
Also, there was a beer on my desk when I got to work today. (this is in no way connected to my IT department)
I've never heard of Dead Guy Ale, but the bottle is pretty freaking cool.
Megan would have loved this. She likes pirates. She doesn't work here anymore though, so she's dead to me now.
Just kidding, Megan.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Have you ever thought about the emotions you feel at any given moment? Ever thought about how many different things you can be feeling all at the same time? I like the phrase "conflicting emotions". You should make a list right now of all the different emotions you're feeling. If you can. It's tough. It's also hard to describe your emotions without using non-emotion words. Like "stress" or "defeat", I don't think those are emotions, exactly, but they can be what you're feeling. Or what I'm feeling.
is anticipation an emotion?
I think that may be about half of what I'm currently feeling, and I think the majority of those aren't even emotions. It's harder than you'd think. Go try it if you don't believe me.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Friday, April 21, 2006
Also, I have some advice for you. If you're out of the office running a really annoying errand on a beautiful, gorgeous, warm sunny day but you know you absolutely have to go back to the office, do not, under any circumstances, listen to Cold Beverages by G Love. When he says "two six-packs and a big bag of ice" you just might lose it. I almost did. Because we all know that t here is nothing better than a cold beer from a cooler full of ice.
Oh shit, I think I just figured out my plans for this weekend.
Me, the sun, and a cooler full of beer.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
I wonder how many hard boiled eggs I'm going to throw away. Anyone want to guess? Maybe I'll offer a prize if someone guesses right. I may never follow through though, so don't get your hopes up.
Long live Easter.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
I saw this little bird running along the top of the fence with this big piece of string in his mouth. In his beak? Right. I laughed thinking of him finding this string and being all "SCORE! " He ran really fast and I wondered why he didn't fly. Maybe it was too heavy.
It's nice to have something to look forward to.
*I came back to add something*
Hey, TerraT, remember when you said if we lived next door to each other we'd be alcoholics? Today is the kind of day I'd call you at work and make you tell them you were sick so you could come home and drink beer with me in the back yard.
Right now, my armoire is up against the back of my dresser in the middle of my bedroom. I keep my jeans in the drawer at the bottom of the armoire. I'd have to be much stronger than I actually am to be able to move that shit out of the way. You all know I can barely open the drawer to get the jeans, much less move a dresser. Yes, I really am that weak. I have so little muscle that I belong in one of Triman's cartoons. I've been lucky to be able to get any clean underwear and socks out of the dresser! God forbid I have to put a pair of socks back on that I've already worn, right? Then they're all stretched out and baggy. Makes me ill just thinking about it. I haven't been too upset about the jeans thing because I keep thinking that the next day will be the last. Oh, the painters are coming Monday, I should be able to get my stuff out Tuesday. No, they're coming back Tuesday, ok well I can wait until Wednesday. Ok, they didn't quite finish but they're not coming until Thursday. All of the sudden I realized I'm going to be wearing these jeans forever. (I wish I could put Forever in Blue Jeans on my music thing, but I recently used it, damn)
Anyway, I just felt I should get that off my chest. I feel better now.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Um, and by "it" I mean taking pictures.
Sheesh. You guys have dirty minds.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Monday, April 03, 2006
Now I've got the very annoying
I want to be loved by you
by you and nobody else but you
I want to be loved by you
stuck in my head.
Fuck you, Florence Henderson. Take that fucking ukulele and shove it up your
Wait, that isn't very Christian-like.
Oh yeah, I'm not Christian.
I wondered how confused people would be if I left a suicide note that said "FUCK YOU, CAROL BRADY" and blew my brains out. I bet my sister would become plagued by it, she'd spend the rest of her life trying to figure out how and why the Brady Bunch drove me to suicide.
Consider the irony in this:
She obsessively watches every episode of the Brady Bunch, forwards and backwards, trying to decipher the meaning of my suicide note. She comes across the vile ukulele episode, watches it several times, sensing that this episode was somehow responsible for my death. She wearily switches off the TV, resigned to never unveiling the truth. Two hours later, with "I want to be loved by you" running endlessly through her head she writes the following note:
I understand now.
Cindy, I will be with you soon.
FUCK YOU, CAROL BRADY
and blows her brains out.
Two lives destroyed by the evil combination of the ukulele and Florence Henderson's voice.
(and believe me, I toyed with the idea of putting that song up to go with this post but I thought that would just be too mean. So this one goes out to you, Florence, with all the love in my heart)
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
Friday, March 24, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
I'll be honest though, the word "farbpflege" makes me giggle every morning.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Remember like six years ago when I was promised some art from YoJ? Way back when there was a YoJ?
I finally got it, a painting called Pop Rocks. I put it up on my favorite shelf to admire all day long.
"Balls, balls, said the Queen. If I had two I'd be the King"
No reason at all for that.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
**This post brought to you by the letters T and L, and by generous contributions from viewers like Triman. Who's bird flu post you should all go check out. Now.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Anyway, it started me thinking. There's 90's music, there's 80's music, there's 70's, 60's, 50's, all the way down to the 20's. Do the Charlston, I dare you.
But what do we call this decade? What will they say in the year 2025 for the music of this decade? All the indie rock, the sound of the times, what will we say? The music of the tens?
I don't think so.
I usually try to match my song to my post but Ana Ng came on while I was typing this and I just felt like sharing.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
(I'll give you a second to try to figure it out)
Yes, this was on the back of a black Acura. I felt like I was being mocked. My first instinct was to jam my foot into the accelerator, smash into the back of the car, throw it in reverse, smash into it again, over and over until the license plate was crushed beyond recognition. It would so be worth totalling my car to kill it. And the cop showing up at the scene would probably let me off because he/she too would feel mocked, maybe even make the other guy pay for the damage. Especially since some other Californian with bad taste got to BLACURA first and this poor asshole had to use an "H" on the end, which makes it even more pathetic.
It was a good plan except for one thing. I forgot about the plate on the front of the car.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Apparently the tech guys at Movable Type do not respond to Michelle's threats of bodily harm. Maybe they have a zero tolerance policy, like not negotiating with terrorists or something.
Anyway, to prevent several bloggers from spontaneously exploding from pent up peeves, we're re-opening the old Peevishness and Botheration.
I'll keep you updated.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
Isn't that a weird phrase?
Anyway, I think I'll start using my gmail account that's been sitting unused for months. I like free stuff.
I've just been too lazy to switch until now. How the hell do you get your whole address book over there?
What a pain in the ass.
It might very well be worth the money to just stay and not have to deal with it.
I don't like the way that sounds.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
I have no idea why this is.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
Haha, I showed them.
(I know. Lame. But I have nothing to say today)
(shut up, Ty)
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Remember on Monday when I said I just ate the biggest banana ever? I was serious, look at the size of this banana. I bought three, three of the hugest bananas I've ever seen.
Look how big it is compared to these apples.
Is that not the biggest banana you've ever seen?
Monday, February 06, 2006
I came up with some good phrases though, inspired by the losing of my pants.
"I lost my pants in Las Vegas"
"What you wear to Vegas stays in Vegas"
"CSI: Las Vegas couldn't find my pants"
"Leaving (my pants in) Las Vegas"
Ok, I admit those are lame. But seriously, it's pretty amusing to think that I actually lost my pants in Las Vegas. And not even in a good way.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
My first thought?
"Why would Terra be calling me at 9am? Maybe she needs me to pick her up from jail."
I'm a terrible friend.
Although, I would have picked her up if she needed me to. I would have laughed and pointed, but I would have done it. I like to have dirt on my friends.
Apparently she was sitting on her phone or something, because she didn't talk and I think I heard the radio in the background.
Or maybe it was her new cell mate.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
I just got back from having pizza. Sure hope the same thing doesn't happen. I mean, I like the song That's Amore and all, but I sure don't want to be singing it all night.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Don't worry though, it's ok if you can't write. I'll still read your posts as long as you send me naked jpegs or talk dirty to me on the IM. If you're reallysuperhot I'll even let you post on my blog.
If you can't entertain me, I need to know. What's your excuse?
Because...it's all about me.
Love Hungry Man
You're the one I've waited for
I needed love more and more
I don't know what your name is
I don't know what your game is
I'm gonna take you tonight, animal appetite
I'm a love hungry man
I don't need a conversation
I just want sweet sensation
I tell you what I'm gonna do
I'll make a meal outta you
I'm a love hungry man
Monday, January 30, 2006
Sunday, January 29, 2006
My sister thinks it means he gives the g-spot plenty of love.
Whatever it stands for, this guy rocks. He played so many good songs, although I didn't get to hear Booty Call which disappoints me greatly. He sat and played Blackbird, that made me happy. He also threw Take a Walk on the Wild Side into the mix. It was cool. He is an amazing musician. Plus, I'm kind of a sucker for the harmonica.
Unfortunately there wasn't nearly enough light to get a good picture. This will have to do.
Now I must go try to get this stupid W stamp off my hand.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Friday, January 20, 2006
I would like to thank Deryke for his invaluable support through this day. He has been my biggest cheerleader and for that he will always have a special place in my heart.
Well, that and the fact that he named me DJ Funky Lou.
- ► 2009 (30)
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- ▼ December (10)
- Sometimes I wish I had an automatic
- It's a Jungle Out There
- Maybe next time.
- Be honest.
- (much too) lazy morning
- Oddest thing I've seen in a while:
- This morning on the KFOG morning show they were ta...
- The three words that best describe you are as foll...
- When the reality just isn't as good as the fantasy...
- We're all pink on the inside.
- Tell me, Alanis. Is this ironic?
- And so, the hunter becomes the prey...
- The Halloween Drop-Out
- Is one beer ever enough?
- It gathers no moss.
- Here in CA
- three guesses.
- What happened here?
- I love George W Bush.
- I love a fudge lover and there's nothing you can d...
- Would You Rather...
- This is how I know Terra loves me.
- Body parts on the freeway.
- I screwed up.
- A poem and some other stuff on a Monday.
- You want to know the sad truth?
- One more day
- Death rides the uh...freeway.
- I may even go as far as to triple dog dare you.
- I snoop. So what.
- It's one of those days.
- I like manly men.
- To the lady at the McDonald's Playland:
- T.G.I.F., huh?
- Wednesday driving...?
- Sunday driving.
- Another useless tidbit.
- What's up with people who don't think I'm funny? S...
- Come on and lie to me.
- Am I right?
- I'm so altruistic.
- I think the sensei at the Cobra Kai dojo gave his ...
- Billboards and words.
- Same to you, pal.
- See, I do know how to quit you.
- Do you want to know what happened yesterday?
- Ok, here's the 411.
- For the record...
- Seriously, who takes a picture like that?
- Keeping it real.
- Obsessed with myself.
- We've got to pray just to make it today.
- I seriously can't post.
- And you wonder why I don't return calls.
- We're American. We always change things to suit ou...
- I hate my FM transmitter.
- You are SO not my peer.
- This made me think of Terra.
- Music all over the place. Not just in the park.
- and speaking of spiders...
- It pays to advertise.
- I'm such a tease.
- Monday, right?
- Boris the Spider (creepy crawly creepy crawly)
- Uninspired post
- Living up to my heritage.
- Bonus: I can keep the same song up for this post.
- Kids are weird.
- Last night...
- The California DMV website states that you cannot ...
- Would you rather be a bullfrog?
- 10:25 on a Monday night
- Trash by the road
- Sorry I called you Fatty, Fatty.
- Hi ladies.
- Vacation, all I ever wanted.
- You totally wish this was your birthday party.
- So what?
- I'm such a child.
- Incest is best
- Fuck off, Today!
- I don't like stupid movies, but my kid does...
- Pretty much the only funny quote from "Date Movie"...
- Are you threatening me?
- It shook my bed.
- What a man, what a man.
- She's nice, really.
- Seeing people
- Cat = Cartman
- You look like a monkey and you smell like one, too...
- Hello, my friend. Hello.
- I've never seen anyone address this subject so her...
- I luv my job.
- Hi, Wednesday
- Ok, I'm done talking shit about TT.
- I take it back.
- Breaking news:
- Tuesday Morning
- Never give your camera to TT when she's been hitti...
- I wish I was the moon tonight.
- I bought a three dollar brownie.
- Someone tell me
- It's mime time.
- I forgot to tell you
- I don't know much about this sort of thing.
- And here's where I dared my sister to peek into th...
- Tequila Friday...?
- I'm in love with her and I feel fine.
- I'm concerned.
- Oh, hello.
- We don't need no stinking bunny.
- I sucked too hard and the tip of my popsicle broke...
- Easy now
- Note to self: Use tripod
- Funniest thing ever
- This is the lamest thing I've ever seen.
- Dinner music
- Cowboy up
- No Cliffs Notes this time
- Margarita Wednesday.
- Monday night
- I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader ...
- Self control
- I didn't wash my hair all weekend.
- Pop Rocks on a frog king
- Pressing issues.
- wish, dish, swish
- Just wondering
- What decade is this
- I still hate Sundays
- Doesn't anyone do HNT anymore?
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