I was talking to Latigo Flint yesterday (over a campfire as we passed a bottle of whiskey back and forth, because what other way is there to talk to Latigo Flint, right? this certainly wasn't via text. I'm sure Latigo Flint does not text.) and he brought up how Mitch Hedberg's voice doesn't come through in writing. (like...on parchment paper or something.) I suggested we need a Mitch font so that when you read "but I wanted a regular banana later so...yeah" you won't be confused about why your friend is telling you they want a banana.
This naturally led me to "bitch font" because Mitch rhymes with bitch and I thought it was funny. (because I'm totally not a bitch.) Which of course led us into a discussion about all the fonts we need in order to communicate with feeling.
The sarcasm font.
The aroused font.
The my-feelings-are-hurt font.
This could change the way we understand each other forever. Can you imagine how easy your life would be if you had an I-have-a-headache font? If you could know by the font that yes, he was in fact joking? I know that the one I would use most of all would be the I'm-making-fun-of-you-but-in-a-cute-way-because-I-really-like-you-so-you-shouldn't-be-offended font. That would really save me a lot of time in my life.
But after thinking about it, I realized this wouldn't work with most people. There wouldn't be any way of knowing if the other person was sincere in using the sincerity font. You couldn't enforce it. So, people would end up using the sympathy font or the needy font or the love font in order to manipulate people. We would still be second guessing everyone.
I suppose in the end it's easier to just stick with our current method of staring at the text, shaking our head, and ignoring it.
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