Hey

Want to hear something gross?

I use the pocket on the back of the passenger seat in my car as a garbage can, and I've been sick so right now it's stuffed full of used Kleenex.

Gross, huh?

Sometimes I wish I had an automatic

So, Turkeyblog likes to bitch about his forty minute commute, well how about my hour and a half drive home today for NO FUCKING REASON AT ALL?

No accident.
No death, no carnage.
Not a single cop or tow truck in sight.

Just fifty thousand fuckers crammed into three lanes.

And FYI, when you call 511 and you say "Are you fucking kidding me?" because they have nothing about highway 85, they respond with "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

Don't even bother saying it again, he still won't catch it.

It's a Jungle Out There

I don't care what anyone says, I love the show Monk. I love Tony Shalhoub. I loved him in Wings and I love him as Monk. I love the theme song. (which I don't have, but I would love...)

Some may say I love the show because I have certain things in common with the main character.

Those people lie.




I even love the chick who replaced Sharona, even though her name is Traylor. I figure she was trying to do something unique, and didn't realize that she named herself after something that gets blown away by a tornado.

And I can even forgive her for Son of the Mask.

Barely.

Maybe next time.

I wish New York & Company would stop sending me emails. I keep thinking I have real email.

Be honest.

If there was a $5 rebate offer on your beer, would you send for it?

(much too) lazy morning

I really need to get moving. But this chair is so comfortable.

I saw a Miata with the license plate BVRTRNR yesterday.

Does that say what I think it does?

Oddest thing I've seen in a while:

A sweatshirt that said "I Unicycle for Christ"

But the chick who was wearing it didn't even unicycle! Not for you, not for me, and certainly not for Christ.

Slang

A woman on the radio today called in and said she was "juiced" to have gotten through. I've never heard juiced. I don't like it much. Then again, I don't like much of the slang the young kids are using these days. Or, you know, ten years ago.

I say totally all the time.
I say dude, but only for emphasis. (I won't call you dude)
Never much liked tight.
Hated sick.

I remember when someone said those words to me for the first time. I was wearing a shirt kind of like this:


Only it was cooler, and didn't say "TAG THIS", and it was from Gap Kids so it was actually much smaller. Anyway, some guy tells me "the fish are sick!"

I was confused.

Then he said my shirt was tight and I'm all, duh, it's a kid's shirt.

Turns out, he was complimenting me. Who knew?

This morning on the KFOG morning show they were talking about how cold it’s been in the mornings lately. Irish Greg says “It was so cold in the city that when I was waiting for my train I could see my breath!”
It makes me laugh how spoiled we are here in the bay area. I’m complaining when the temperature falls below 60. God forbid it rains, that just ruins my mood all day long. If it’s not sunny and 80 it’s like the end of the world.

I bet the other states think we’re pansies.

But you know what?

They can go ahead and stand in the snow while calling me a pansy. I’ll be laughing all the way to the beach.

So there.

The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote: Stink, Stank, Stunk.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas is on right now. I think this is the earliest I've seen it. Usually they wait until after Thanksgiving, don't they?

I suppose it doesn't matter. Caden watches this in the middle of summer. Which isn't right, or so I've been told.

I still want to know why the Who's have antennas.

When the reality just isn't as good as the fantasy.

I've been wanting a cream colored sweater for so long. I'm picky though, I'd see them everywhere but get annoyed because the collar was to high or the knit was too thick or it was too long or it was too short. I finally found one that I liked. It's really cute and soft and comfortable and cozy and it's shedding cream colored fuzz all over my pants and in my hair and in my throat and all over my desk and it's driving me fucking insane.

I hate this sweater.

5:23pm

Is it too early to put on my sleep pants?



Please say no.

We're all pink on the inside.

On the sign in front of my son's school they have notices for the Asian Parents meeting, the Hispanic Parents meeting, and the African-American Kaffee Klatch. This causes me to wonder:

1. Where's the White Parents meeting?

2. What do these groups discuss in their meetings?

3. What the hell is a Kaffee Klatch?

Tell me, Alanis. Is this ironic?

I'm sure you've all heard about Ted Haggard, right? I'm not going to comment on the story because frankly, I just don't care enough, but today when I walked into the back room the newspaper was open to a big story about him. The quote said "I am a deciever and a liar" and I thought to myself "well, at least the guy's honest."

Then I stopped and laughed at myself.


Also, the quote bothered me because it's so redundant.

And so, the hunter becomes the prey...

There's this man that I see in the parking garage sometimes, and we do the usual hello, how ya doin' bullshit that you always do with strangers that you see often. The other day he mentioned that I was there early. Then he mentioned something about the place I work. A few days later he asked me something about the building I work in.

I started wondering, what if I'm his Fudgelover? Maybe he's stalking me. Maybe he's over there writing on his blog about the girl with the retarded license plate. (because, honestly, my license plate is retarded, but it does help me identify my car in a crowded parking lot, as I've mentioned before) Maybe he peeks into my car to find out more about me.

You can't tell much about me by my car either. Other than the carseat in the back giving away the fact that I'm a mom, it's pretty typical. CD's, Altoids, Kleenex. FM transmitter for my iPod which I hatehatehate. He might wonder about the passenger seatbelt always being buckled. But nothing else would stand out.

Well, maybe the empty beer cans and used syringes.
But everyone has those in their cars, right?