How much would it take for you to jack off in front of someone?

Someone just said to me:

You really are the ub3r-hAx0r-spirit guide, teh Lou.

Apparently, I'm good with the love-life advice or some shit. I don't know, I just really liked that sentence.

So......Friday already! Want to know what I get to do? Huh? Wanna?
I get to go to a wedding rehearsal tonight! Yes, yes I do. Then the rehearsal dinner. Then tomorrow, the wedding. Kid and Husband are both in the wedding, so according to the three page Excel document we received, I have to be there at 1pm and I don't get to leave until "oh, we'd love to stay but Caden is sooooo tired, we really have to get him to bed" o'clock.
Sometimes it's really handy, having a kid. You always have an excuse.

(but I would never use that excuse with you)

Enjoy the Friday party song, and I hope you all have a great weekend. I'm post dating this for tomorrow, because I want it to say Friday on it. I feel like such a fraud. (hey, it's the 30th, I get paid tomorrow. cool)

Thursdays

I thought it would be funny to put this song up, since I don't work on Thursdays. So, you can take it as me saying "neener neener neener, you're at work and I'm not".

Should I be embarrassed that I just put Mean Girls on my Netflix list?

Sunny day, everything's a-ok.

I was sitting outside on a blanket in the sun today. Surrounding me were my phone, my camera, my laptop, and a cup of coffee. I commented to Suburbite that this was probably the best summation of what is Cindy Lou that you could come up with.


Won't you come sit on the blanket with me and have a cup of coffee? The weather is beautiful, not a cloud in sight. The grass is green, the sky is blue, and the coffee is delicious.

My head hurts a little bit.

You don't know her like I do

Ten bucks Terra tries to wear something like this tonight.












Happy birthday, Terra!

Help me out here

Is it wrong when you sing "some of my friends sell records" and your four year old comes back with "some of my friends sell drugs"?

It feels wrong, but it damn funny.

Catching up on Tivo

I just watched the season premier of Nip/Tuck. I made the mistake of thinking I could eat Fritos and cottage cheese while I watched, boy was I wrong. Did you see this episode? Ouch.
The mom on that show bugs me. She looks like a nervous chihuahua all the time. The son bugs me too. He looks like Michael Jackson. I don't like it.











I also watched the first part of the CSI premier. I don't care what anybody says, a group of people walking in slow motion just looks cool.

WEIRD.

Ok, this old guy just came into the credit union to talk to me. Yes, apparently just to talk to me. He didn't actually belong to this credit union, he belonged to the one downstairs but he wanted to invite me (or whichever lucky person was here at the time) to the Polish Festival this weekend. Not that I have anything against the Polish, mind you, even if they keep threatening to tow my car. I'm still not going to the Polish Festival. Even if it is near my house.
Anyway, this man comes in and sits down at the counter with his potted plant beside him. (I wondered if the plant has a name) He has a South African accent, I found out that it was in fact South African when he told me he grew up there and had snakes and chameleons for pets. He also told me about the baby piglets that he got a few years ago and named after his kids. (Brucey and Cathy, I believe) He had to keep them in the bathtub because they were incontinent. (cool) He wanted his daughter to take them but her husband said no. He thought they would be perfect pets for his five year old grandson. (Wyatt) His friend had to take them to the animal shelter. His friend's daughter has annorexia nervosa because she grew up with a very dominate father. (um, ok) He thinks I should go to the Polish Festival this weekend and be in his play because I'm "dashingly attractive". I could be the herione. He asked me if I had heard about the bank robbery in Danville where the sheriff killed the robber. He thought that was a little scary since he'd always had a fantasy about robbing a bank. (scary) He noticed that I was alone here, he mentioned it quite a few times as a matter of fact, and said it's too bad I'm married or he'd suggest that we close the credit union and take off to Hawaii together. (scarier) Although, maybe it's a good thing I'm married because that meant he could tie me up and hold me for ransom. (scariest) He's sure my husband would pay the ransom because I'm so pretty. He thought I should make sure to tell my husband what a lucky man he is. I should go home and tell him tonight. (I will) He told me all about his friend who's an actor and also happens to be an alcoholic. He asked about the other employees (why won't someone come back!) and asked if they were all as pretty as I am. As he was (finally) leaving he said he was so happy he decided to come upstairs. Yeah, me too, buddy.

This is all completely true and I have not exaggerated at all.
What the hell is the matter with people?

don't even tell me I missed HNT

Ok, I'll be honest, I knew it was Thursday but I skipped HNT. Fine! I admit it! So? What are you going to do about it, huh?
Nothing, that's what.

Cindy doesn't play well with others.
Cindy has a short attention span.
Cindy gets bored and quits playing games.

Not all games though.
I like drunken Jenga.

I went to the Great Mall today for the sole purpose of buying some Vans. The Vans store is gone, the Vans skate park is gone. There is now a Kohls. A fucking Kohls took over the skate park.

What is this world coming to?
Seriously.

In my building there’s a design firm that rents a small office down the hall. One guy is always in there alone and his desk is right next to the door, facing the other way. First of all, that would annoy the fuck out of me. How can anyone sit with their back to the door like that? I could never do that. But more importantly, one of these days I’m not going to be able to control myself and I’m going to jump in there behind him and yell “BOO!”

Question

Do you think anyone has ever been so annoyed with their hair that they actually killed themselves?

Ah, to be a kid again

I don't know about you guys, but I'm totally jealous of my kid's lunch. Not only because it's so yum but I like how everything is in it's own little compartment. I need plates like this. I also need ketchup with every meal.






Most people say Caden looks exactly like his dad, but I don't know, I think he looks a little like me. What do you think?

Entertain me

When you guys are typing in the word verifications that have taken blogland by storm, do you find yourself making them sound like cool words?
Zunaqua
Shandango
Vusivi
Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

Friday, is it really that great?

A few years ago, at my last credit union, you could depend on hearing the following phrase at least once every Friday:

Hey, it's Friday, let's get hammered.

Apparently there was an old commercial about being an alcoholic that contained this line, and since we were all borderline alcoholics at the time we found this very amusing.
No, we weren't drunk at work.
I swear.

My Friday song is an old favorite, it always makes me think of Ang and then I get all pissed off that she moved away. Stupid Ang.
Every time this song came on we'd have to take a shot. Every once in a while we were unable to fulfill this obligation, such as being in the car or something, but we'd make up for it later. Not that being in the car necessarily meant that shots weren't being taken, but not every time, come on we weren't crazy.

Anyway, take a shot tonight for Ang and me, will ya?
If you need an excuse just come here and turn on the song. Look over at your friend and say "Brass Monkey, gotta take a shot!"

Repeat as desired.

Thursday

I think I'm skipping HNT this week. Just not in the mood. I leave you with something funny involving pirates. Pirates are always good for a laugh. A laugh or a broken ankle, whatever.

A bag of JUST green M&M's.

Do you have any idea how much easier this would make my life?

Sorry Cat

I'm supposed to write a tribute to David Boreanaz a.k.a. Yummypants today, in honor of his return to prime time. I am unable to do that right now as I am way too fascinated by the guy from Prison Break to give Yummypants much thought at all. I might feel differently after watching Bones tonight, but as of right now I haven't seen or heard from Yummypants in ages, yet I just got an hour of (yeah I know) Wentworth Miller. Sorry Cat, there's a new Yummypants in town.

another goodbye

This used to be my favorite chair. Doesn't it look comfortable? Unfortunately, I will never again be able to sit in this chair, having just found out that the strippers were giving lap dances in it!

Fuck.

Good bye, old friend

I had to say good bye to my favorite sweatshirt. I know he's on that big clothesline in the sky now. It's a better place for him. I want to say thanks for keeping me warm. Thanks for covering my hands. Thanks for being red. and did YOU know that three is my favorite number?





Good bye, red Old Navy sweatshirt.
We sure had some good times, didn't we?
I'll miss you.

For future reference:

Pole dancing can leave some nasty bruises on your shins.
It's dangerous. Beware.

I saw this online

"For the love of god Ronald,
look behind you!"

Hey baby, que paso?

I am a very bad Mexican. I can admit that. I don't speak Spanish, I don't like spicy food, I have never picked a single head of lettuce. I can tan well, I have that. Then there's the cutting thing, but I would swear that's the angry white girl in me coming out. The only thing that saves me is being able to cook the food. This is my one Mexican quality. One thing I have yet to master though is making round tortillas. Does anyone have a secret to making tortillas and having them actually turn out round? I cannot for the life of me make that happen. You want heart shaped ones? I can do that. You feel like eating a tortilla shaped like Texas, that I can handle. The Sears Tower? The Taj Mahal? California? Your foot? These are all shapes that will grace my placa. Round tortillas continue to elude me. It can be fun though, figuring out what they look like. It's like staring at the clouds and finding things. "This one looks like a dinosaur!" "Hey, mine looks like Jesus!" I like to think of them as my own little Rorschach tests. What do you see in this tortilla? So if you come over to my house for dinner, be careful. I may not only be feeding you. I may be delving into the deepest recesses of your psyche.

Ransom

Duckie-
I know where your phone is. If you want to see it again you will buy me two margaritas at Chili's tonight.
This isn't a joke.
-Lou

Just trying to be helpful

When you make coffee in the morning, it’s a good idea to make sure the coffee pot is plugged in before turning it on. It doesn’t work so well otherwise.

You know what's not funny?

When my son comes in with his hands cupped together and says "Mommy, this is dead".

This is funny

On Holiday!

Why does Miss Manners talk about herself in the third person? It annoys me. I know it's just a pseudonym, but still, if you adopt a pseudonym you should become that person, at least when you're writing. Dear Abby doesn't talk about herself in the third person. Ann Landers (rest in peace) didn't talk about herself in the third person. So why does Miss Manners walk around like she's so hot all "Miss Manners would never...." or "Miss Manners reminds you, Gentle Reader, that...." That's another thing, what's with the Gentle Reader crap? That's the lamest thing I've ever read. Seriously, there are maybe twenty percent of the people out there that you could actually describe as gentle. She needs to come up with something else. Like....Etiquettely Challenged Reader. Or maybe not. Whatever, like you could come up with something better.

This is new, at 7:30am the sun is now in a position to sear my retinas when I sit at the computer. Winter is coming, Gentle Readers. I hope I make it to spring.

S.A.S.E.

I find it very amusing that when I send money to the USPS for our postage meter at work that I have to put a stamp on the envelope. I feel like they should supply me with postage paid envelopes. I mean, they're the freaking postal service for crying out loud. That's what they do.

1:03am

and it's HNT.

For the record,
I did not force him to get those shoes.

He wanted shoes like me.
At least they're not blue, right?