And here's where I dared my sister to peek into the mannequin's pants.

What's your definition of dirty, baby?
What do you call pornography?

Tequila Friday...?

I love my IT department.

Also, there was a beer on my desk when I got to work today. (this is in no way connected to my IT department)
I've never heard of Dead Guy Ale, but the bottle is pretty freaking cool.

Megan would have loved this. She likes pirates. She doesn't work here anymore though, so she's dead to me now.
Just kidding, Megan.

I'm in love with her and I feel fine.

So, I threw away 13 eggs. Cat was right on. I guess she knows me. Interestingly enough, it just so happens that I picked up a little something for Cat in San Francisco yesterday. So, Cat, I guess you DO get a prize! I would have sent it to you anyway, but now I can say it's for the egg thing. I like to pretend I have follow through.

Have you ever thought about the emotions you feel at any given moment? Ever thought about how many different things you can be feeling all at the same time? I like the phrase "conflicting emotions". You should make a list right now of all the different emotions you're feeling. If you can. It's tough. It's also hard to describe your emotions without using non-emotion words. Like "stress" or "defeat", I don't think those are emotions, exactly, but they can be what you're feeling. Or what I'm feeling.

overwhelmed
ineffective
lonely
impatient
excited
lucky
restless
love
hate
sad
happy
is anticipation an emotion?

I think that may be about half of what I'm currently feeling, and I think the majority of those aren't even emotions. It's harder than you'd think. Go try it if you don't believe me.

I'm concerned.

I don't know what I was dreaming about but somehow I removed my sleep pants in the middle of the night.

Sure wish I could remember the dream.

I bet it was good.

Oh, hello.

My son said the other day that he wished he had a rewind button for life. Like we have for the TV. I want that too. I want Tivo for my life. I think I would use the pause button the most. Or rewind. Yeah, I'd like a do-over right about now.

Also, I have some advice for you. If you're out of the office running a really annoying errand on a beautiful, gorgeous, warm sunny day but you know you absolutely have to go back to the office, do not, under any circumstances, listen to Cold Beverages by G Love. When he says "two six-packs and a big bag of ice" you just might lose it. I almost did. Because we all know that t here is nothing better than a cold beer from a cooler full of ice.

Oh shit, I think I just figured out my plans for this weekend.
Me, the sun, and a cooler full of beer.

Join me?

We don't need no stinking bunny.

Caden and I are hunting eggs. I hide them for him and he hides them for me. He likes to point out where he hid them though. It's not much fun for me. I like a little bit more of a challenge.

I wonder how many hard boiled eggs I'm going to throw away. Anyone want to guess? Maybe I'll offer a prize if someone guesses right. I may never follow through though, so don't get your hopes up.

Long live Easter.

I sucked too hard and the tip of my popsicle broke off.

Sitting in the sun, painting my toes, watching the kid run around in the sprinklers. The sleeves of my t-shirt are pushed up on my shoulders and my jeans (yes, my dirty jeans) are pulled up over my knees. Because I can't get any shorts out of the drawer, you know. We're enjoying a break from the rain so I've been outside pretty much all day. I can't really see the screen on my laptop though.

I saw this little bird running along the top of the fence with this big piece of string in his mouth. In his beak? Right. I laughed thinking of him finding this string and being all "SCORE! " He ran really fast and I wondered why he didn't fly. Maybe it was too heavy.

It's nice to have something to look forward to.

*I came back to add something*

Hey, TerraT, remember when you said if we lived next door to each other we'd be alcoholics? Today is the kind of day I'd call you at work and make you tell them you were sick so you could come home and drink beer with me in the back yard.

Easy now

I'm going to tell you something now, I don't want you to be shocked or scared; I don't want you to think less of me. You see, I've been wearing the same pair of jeans all week. I know, I'm disgusting. I know this. But listen, it's not my fault! I haven't been able to get to my jeans. Oh, you think this is a feeble excuse? Whatever.

Right now, my armoire is up against the back of my dresser in the middle of my bedroom. I keep my jeans in the drawer at the bottom of the armoire. I'd have to be much stronger than I actually am to be able to move that shit out of the way. You all know I can barely open the drawer to get the jeans, much less move a dresser. Yes, I really am that weak. I have so little muscle that I belong in one of Triman's cartoons. I've been lucky to be able to get any clean underwear and socks out of the dresser! God forbid I have to put a pair of socks back on that I've already worn, right? Then they're all stretched out and baggy. Makes me ill just thinking about it. I haven't been too upset about the jeans thing because I keep thinking that the next day will be the last. Oh, the painters are coming Monday, I should be able to get my stuff out Tuesday. No, they're coming back Tuesday, ok well I can wait until Wednesday. Ok, they didn't quite finish but they're not coming until Thursday. All of the sudden I realized I'm going to be wearing these jeans forever. (I wish I could put Forever in Blue Jeans on my music thing, but I recently used it, damn)

Anyway, I just felt I should get that off my chest. I feel better now.
Don't you?

Monday

I'm feeling very bitchy today.

Note to self: Use tripod

Here it is already the ninth and I don't even have a picture folder for April. Granted, it's been raining the whole month but that's no excuse. It makes me happy, I should do it more.

Um, and by "it" I mean taking pictures.

Sheesh. You guys have dirty minds.

Funniest thing ever

My four year old playing the air guitar to Alan Jackson's Chattahootchie.

This is the lamest thing I've ever seen.

Word of the Day for Sunday April 2, 2006

defenestrate \dee-FEN-uh-strayt\, transitive verb:
To throw out of a window.


Yeah, stupid. Why wouldn't you just say you threw him out the window?
Blah blah blah.
Show off.

Dinner music

So I'm putting dinner together tonight and the TV is on, unwatched as usual. The Brady Bunch comes on, I'm like oh that's cool, the Brady Bunch. I'm listening to it, going on with my cooking. Cindy Brady is running around chanting "I've got a secret", ok that's annoying. Then Mike Brady invites Carol to sing along with him while he plays the ukulele. Oh no please no oh god not that anything but...
Fuck.
Now I've got the very annoying

I want to be loved by you
by you and nobody else but you
I want to be loved by you
alone

stuck in my head.

Fuck you, Florence Henderson. Take that fucking ukulele and shove it up your
Wait, that isn't very Christian-like.

Oh yeah, I'm not Christian.

I wondered how confused people would be if I left a suicide note that said "FUCK YOU, CAROL BRADY" and blew my brains out. I bet my sister would become plagued by it, she'd spend the rest of her life trying to figure out how and why the Brady Bunch drove me to suicide.
Consider the irony in this:
She obsessively watches every episode of the Brady Bunch, forwards and backwards, trying to decipher the meaning of my suicide note. She comes across the vile ukulele episode, watches it several times, sensing that this episode was somehow responsible for my death. She wearily switches off the TV, resigned to never unveiling the truth. Two hours later, with "I want to be loved by you" running endlessly through her head she writes the following note:

I understand now.
Cindy, I will be with you soon.
FUCK YOU, CAROL BRADY

and blows her brains out.

Two lives destroyed by the evil combination of the ukulele and Florence Henderson's voice.

(and believe me, I toyed with the idea of putting that song up to go with this post but I thought that would just be too mean. So this one goes out to you, Florence, with all the love in my heart)

Cowboy up

I just saw a man wearing a sarape and a cowboy hat walking down the street in Redwood City.
Oh yeah.