deer santa:

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend,

BiLLy



Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.

Santa
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Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love,

Sarah


Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa
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Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,

Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
dream.
Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family
with those?

Santa
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Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love,

Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Santa
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Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?

Love,

Jessica



Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
skipping your house.

Santa
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Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy


Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.

Santa
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Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,

Marky



Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,

Santa