They had no idea how much fun the city could be for three young squirrels such as themselves! Unfortunately, city life took a toll, and the girls soon found their lives spiraling out of control.
They met a city squirrel names El Sid. El Sid was funny, she had class, she led an exciting life that the girls envied. But Sid had a darker side that the girls would soon learn about.
J was the first to succomb to Sid's evil ways.
She soon gave in to peer pressure and started smoking. She gave up her forest life completely and became addicted to human attention.
She would do anything for the humans, degrading herself by dancing while they played the drums and laughed.
Cindy, well....Cindy just kept hitting the bottle. She became a little squirrel alcoholic. 10am? Who cares!
Break out the beer, let's party!
EJ, oh EJ's story was the saddest one of all. Sid convinced her to pose for a popular squirrel magazine.
She loved the attention, but it soon led her down a different path. Sid told her "It's just one movie, you can decide how far you want to go. Don't you want to hang out with the cool squirrels?"
She ended up doing a string of porn movies. The latest one involving a rape scene by a cable squirrel. She wanted to stop, but didn't know how.
Thankfully, SuperKen heard of the girls' troubles. He flew over from Poland just as fast as his flannel cape would take him.
"Don't worry, girls! SuperKen is here to save you!"
SuperKen was able to break Sid's hold on the girls.
He showed them compassion and concern, and made them feel safe again.
He also used a little tough love, telling them the story of his friend who started down the same path and ended up as roadkill.
He showed the girls the error of their ways. They soon turned their lives around, and became productive members of society once more.
J started writing children's stories, and became the most popular author in the forest.
EJ started training in gymnastics and ended up winning the gold medal in the Olympics.
Cindy started a support group in the forest. S.A.D.D. (Squirrels Against Drunk Driving) She decided to quit drinking and dedicated her life to her new cause.
She even switched from regular to diet cola.
Once again, SuperKen saved the day. Thank you, Ken.
We salute you.
13 comments:
Cindy, this post is awesome! I'm sitting here laughing out loud. (Luckily I'm alone right now.) I love the continuing saga of the squirrels. Great job!
oh my god.
i have never loved anyone more than i do you.
to hell with shawn.. wanna get married july 2nd?
Too funny. Well except for the fact that Cindy had to giv eup the bottle. I had a tear for that one.
...and still no "nuts" gag...
no need to give up the bottle, CL... it's 10AM? well, it's 5PM somewhere! or was it noon... hrm... whatever.
I'm sure Cindy will fit right in at AA, a lot of our members are pretty squirelly (sorry, couldn't resist that one)
by the way - thank you for not making me a squirrel. i might have died from the fright of myself. i am much more of a... um..an...er.. something cute. :)
I think I might have peed my pants a little bit... The pic of the squirrel 3 way is pure gold.
You know, I was getting so disappointed in the squirrels at the low levels they had reached. I almost clicked the "Next Blog" button when I got to the Squirrel Porn. But you know, this was a great story about a good lesson. It's uplifting and really shows how with hard work, any young wayward squirrel can turn their life around. I am proud of you, CL for taking the risk and spreading the positive.
Oh dear lord… you are one of the nuttiest squirrels I have ever come across. Love it. Oh and your love for Ken is beautiful too.
HAHAHAHAHA! The secret lives of squirrels. Thanks for opening my eyes today. I had no idea.
Squirrels are eeeeeeeevil, I tell you! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil!
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