Spank is the name of the band

I'm going to see a friend's band Friday night, do a little dancing, a little drinking. Maybe a lot of drinking. Yeah, a lot of drinking. Calling a cab to get home kind of drinking.
This is the email they sent out:

Hi, we'd like to (tequila) invite you to (rock and roll) a little gathering of friends (chicks) on Friday the 25th of (guys) February over at a nice little (Jack Daniels) place in San Jose called the 5th Quarter. The band SPANK will be (Big Beers) performing for your entertainment. Most bands use gimmicks to lure their fans out (women dancing with women) to a show, or even psycho hypnotic brain washing and (Llama Bondage kits and naked Llama booth coupons to first 3 fans) brain washing. Not us, we understand that you have (Johnnie Walker) plenty of other things to do (chuck e Cheese next door) rather than spend a night at a bar listening to some (mini skirts) 2 bit garage band, so we suggest (big huge long..........music sets) you spend Friday night the 25th of February (Dancing) starting at 9pm with us....S P A N K!!!! We will (%$#@*&^) rock you on til the wee-hours of the morning. Golly gee, no matter how (bet on drunken earthworm racing) you slice it, we guarantee you will have a swell (Face painting and tongue hammering tent) time. So we'll see you then!!!

Sounds like fun, doesn't it? I just love drunken earthworm racing, what a high. I invited Terra to go, but I haven't heard back yet. I hope she knows I don't take rejection well. Oh, just kidding, Terra. Also: not a stalker. I swear. I don't even know where you live, heh heh heh.

P.S. I love Toad the Wet Sprocket.