Somewhere between heaven and hell

I was driving to work yesterday and saw a rainbow. Normal people would think "How pretty! A rainbow!" Not me. My sardonic side automatically takes control and I think "How sweet, god's promise to never make it rain like he did for Noah". Obviously I'm a non-believer. I'm a "show me and I'll believe" kind of girl. George Michael says we gotta have faith. I do have faith, just not in god. I have faith in mankind. I have faith in my family. I have faith in the fact that the world will continue, despite the outcome of the election. (sorry, had to throw that in there, joke!) I am the first to admit that my beliefs have their inconsistancies. I can't explain ghosts, but I think they exist. I just don't agree that ghosts necessarily mean there's a heaven. I can't explain the creation of the universe. I really don't care to though, that's not my job. I'm quite content living in my ignorance. I don't question my beliefs, because to me they're not that important. My lack of faith doesn't mean I run around raping and pillaging, I'm basically a good person. Probably better than a lot of the so-called Christians out there. Yesterday, however, the rainbow thought made me start wondering about how screwed I am if it turns out I'm wrong. I am an evil heathen. Around Christmas I make jokes about celebrating the birthday of jesus christ. At Easter I carry on about celebrating the ressurection of our lord jesus christ. I've thrown bibles in the garbage. I've said "fuck god". I even dislike the look of the word "god". If there is a hell, I'm headed straight there. My friend says it's better to hedge your bets on that one. I don't think it's good enough to just hedge. Like god's going to fall for that one. Oh yeah, he's omniscient, but he can't tell that you're half assing your religion? Sure. You go ahead and believe that. We'll see how far that gets you. Me, I'll go on living like I always have, and hope that either I'm right, and we just cease to exist when we die, or god really is as forgiving as they say, and lets me into heaven anyway. Although, I have a feeling heaven is pretty boring.