What a fucking day I've had today. I'm going to describe it, in detail. I'm hoping that getting it out will absolve me of all my angry feelings. Kind of like confession, only without the guilt.
So we begin at the beginning...
First thing I have to deal with at work is a guy who's truck we repossessed over the weekend. Oh, you have no money? Well, I'm very sorry but you have no truck either. Yes I realize that it is quite difficult to come up with $2400 to get it back. You should have called us earlier. Now, we don't do this very often. We are very lenient with our members. Call us and we will bend over backwards to make arrangements. Ignore us completely, however, and you will pay! Dearly! So while I feel bad for the guy, he brought it on himself. Then we have the "Benefits Fair" over at the hospital. This translates to "sit at a table all fucking day doing nothing". Michelle takes the first half of the day. Calls me at 9:30 to ask me to bring some stuff over to pretty up the table. I go there, check things out, decide to run over to Safeway for some flowers, get some candy to give out. The floral department at Safeway is awesome, gives me hope. Apparently the girl had a really bad case of OCD, because she arranged the flowers for about 20 minutes. Thank you very much! Now I will strap them into Caden's carseat and smash the hell out of them, time well spent. Next, over to See's! The lady in front of me was picking out her box of candy one peice at a time. Oh I'll take one buttercream. Oh those truffles look lovely, I'll take one of those. Let's see...what else looks good? I'm pacing around behind her like a caged tiger, digging my nails into my palms to keep from digging them into her jugular. Apparently they will only hire you to work at See's if you're dead. This is how slow the employees are. I don't want a fucking sample, can I just get my receipt so I can leave this hell hole? Thank you! Plus, the whole parking lot over at Sequoia Station smelled like chicken. Not good chicken either, it smelled like KFC. And it was making me feel like I was going to throw up. Head back to the hospital now, see a bunch of kids sneaking over the fence at the high school. INTO the school. Does this make sense? No, it didn't make any sense to me either, but at least I got a giggle out of it. Back to the table of doom, drop off the goodies. Pick up a Stress Dot. This is supposed to measure your stress level, kind of like a mood ring. Now, I don't know if I buy it, but it turns pitch black the minute I put it on. Head back to the office. I was there for 45 minutes, in this time I talked to Repo Dude 3 times. Nope, not budging. Deal with it. You had plenty of chances. Back to the hospital! Yay! At least this time I don't have to park at the bottom of the hill. Relieve Michelle at the table of doom. Sit. Stress dot is still black. I think it's stressing me out even more to have it on, I keep checking it: Is it still black? Oh look! It's changing from "stressed" to "tense" that's good! Oh, no, wait...back to "stressed". So, when I get bored I tend to talk. A lot. Some guy wanders by, and says my credit union logo reminds him of the Girl Scout logo. My answer? "I could be a Girl Scout. On special occasions". Did I really say that out loud? Do I have no STOP button? What about that little voice that tells you to think before you speak, am I lacking that voice? Apparently, yes. Finally, I get to leave. I get a Jamba Juice for lunch, lunch being 2:30. High point? I believe so.
The only reasom I am not dead at the bottom of a cliff or in prison for murder is the new Greenday CD I got over the weekend. This CD kicks total ass. I love it. I would be feeling completely murderous, get in my car and listen for a minute, and miraculously be OK. I *am* an American Idiot! I *do* walk the Boulevard of Broken Dreams! I *will* send a Letterbomb to See's! This CD was my salvation today, and I will be eternally grateful to Billie Joe. I don't think that CD will leave my CD player for a long, long time.
Now, I feel better, how about you? I'm going to go mix myself a tall Captain and Coke, and see if this stress dot turns a better color. Here's hoping for violet!
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13 comments:
Omg, CL. You're a riot. "I could be a Girl Scout. On special occasions". That's the best line I've heard in weeks. Sorry your day was chaos... hope you can sleep it off!
HAHA!! Girl Scout! You are sooo naughty! I love it!
And those stress dot things freak me out. I think they do stress you out even more!
And I hate the See's Candies ladies! First of all, they pick the most awful flavors to pass off as samples "Hello, would you like to try our new butt-cheese truffle?" Ummm no. Then if you ask for a sample of something else, they glare at you like you are taking momey out their wallet! Aren't candy people supposed to be happy all the time? Shouldn't they be on some sort of constant sugar high? Crabby old wenches!
...I'm too frightened to make a comment...
Oooo, Girl Scouts. I like those!
What a great line, CL. You are hilarious.
And why are kids sneaking into school? Once I escaped, I would never try to get back in. The world is changing.
Mel, "The butt cheese truffle"? Do they have those out there? I think I'll pass.
Are you sure your hands weren't just cold? :)
I am so going to steal that Girl Scout line, hope you don't mind. That's like wicked come back! I can never think of them on my own I need to steal other's.
You could have been Buffy!
So CL, do you actually have a girl scout uniform....(grin)?
I know what you mean about letting shit you think slip out of your mouth. I do that all the time and it is usually worse than your girl scout comment.
I think music, exercising, and cleaning are my angry outlet. Thanks for the tip on the Green Day cd.
I have to tell you I love Jamba Juice. Last year around this time they started having an eggnog one. I highly recommend it if it is available.
I almost never go to See's Candy. I love their scotchmallow candy though. Yum. It's somewhat scary to see an eighty year old in a french maid type costume.
I hope today is a better day.:)
I bet if you offered yourself , in Girl Scout oufit, to Steve that he would take a piece of that action.
mmm. i love those helpful little ol' see's candies ladies... they will give you TONS of samples and they're so goddamned friendly! of course, i never go in there when i'm in a hurry, though...
Pssst! It's November 10th! Wake up!
deep breath......
and again.......
think happy thoughts
Nov. 11th... and counting :P
I think she and Mel may have run off together again. Mel's probably got her thinking she's better than all of us as well.
Humph.
(tongue firmly planted in cheek!)
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