Tuesday is my day off

I just finished a book called Killer Dust. It was totally lame. I didn't care about anything or anybody in the book until just before the end then they killed him. Stupid. I love to sit outside in the sun and read in the mornings. I like the birds twittering away in the trees and the sun on my face. My cat was out there trying to catch a bug for breakfast. It's funny when she wants to get a bird or a squirrel and she runs along the fence and tries to jump up to get it. She's so fat she makes it about halfway up the fence them falls back down. Fatty Fat-cat. I love her. I hope she doesn't die soon, she's old. And fat. The vet told me to make sure she gets 45 minutes of aerobic activity a day. I tie her to the treadmill and make her run. Just kidding, how are you supposed to make sure your cat gets 45 minutes of aerobic activity a day? She only plays fetch with a rubberband for about ten minutes before collapsing. When I was a kid I had a cross eyed cat. I think every single animal I've ever had has been found or rescued. I brought a dog home from school once. The poor thing was all abandoned and the janitor was going to take her to the pound so I took her home and hid her in the playhouse out back. Then it started raining so I had to tell my mom she was out there. My mom said no way, then she saw her sad boo-boo eyes and we got to keep her. Fatty ran up to me in downtown San Jose, outside of David's FRAT HOUSE. Ha. She was all skinny and covered in spider webs. She found me, I didn't find her. My dog Targa was found under a car, my cat Seymour was rescued from an unwanted litter, the cross eyed cat was the retarded runt of a wild litter. My attention span just ran out on the animal topic.
Let me share this with you. An email I sent my neighbor:

I'm having my sister's shower here on Saturday and I was wondering
if you would still be able to get those canopy things from work? You
know, so the old people don't faint from the heat? I also want to
know if I can use your picnic bench, PLEASE!!!!
Cindy


Her reply:

Number one: DON'T BEG. IT SHOWS YOU ARE A SISSY.
Number two: WHAT TIME IS THIS AT?
Number 3....WHEN IS THE STRIPPER PARTY?