Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Pick up the red phone, dammit!

I've never been so happy to be sick in my life. This cold has granted me temporary reprieve from the dentist. Even that word makes me shudder. I was supposed to have a teeth cleaning today but I cancelled because I'm sure they don't want my germ-infested mouth anywhere near them. Plus, my sister was supposed to watch Caden but she was just informed she has strep throat. (Ok, happy to have a cold, will not be happy if I have strep) When I flipped the calendar to March and noticed the appointment my stomach instantly recoiled and I thought I was going to vomit. The DENTIST???? NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Thank goodness for the virus. My tension level has been steadily increasing all month. Now I can sit back and relax. Thank you cold virus. I'll gladly take your headache, your phlegm, your cough. I'll give you my energy. I'll give you my appetite. I have to repay you somehow.
I know that I will inevitably have to call back and reschedule the appointment. For now though, I'm just going to enjoy the time I have. I feel like Arnold called that red phone right before they flipped the switch. Thank you, Arnold. Hooray for my stay of execution.
Going to the dentist for me is like spending time at the gym. By the time I leave my muscles are sore from being tensed up the entire time. Even my toes are tense. I also have little crescents dug into my skin everywhere from my fingernails. It's quite appealing. Palms, backs of my hands, arms, wherever my hands happen to be. I don't even realize I'm doing it. Never thought of myself as a self-mutilation kind of girl. The dentist I have now is very understanding, however, and has done what he can to make me more comfortable.

Dentist: Hi Cindy, I'm just going to....are you ok?
Cindy: Is it the tears? The tears gave it away, right? Yeah, ok I'm a little stressed out right now. Dentist: Would you like me to prescribe some Valium?

Now it's:

Dentist: How are you doing today, Cindy?
Cindy: Oh hi Dr Dave, yeah I'm doing better. My fingernails are still digging into my palms but this time they're not bleeding. It's great. Thanks for the Valium. By the way, have I ever told you how cute you look with those two earrings in your left ear? Can I watch Chicken Run while you work?

One day soon I will have to pick up the phone and dial that number.
One day soon I will have to hold my head up high and walk through those doors again.
One day soon I will have to slide onto that chair without throwing up.

But not today, haha!

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