Thursday, December 02, 2004

Paying closer attention


I watched Rudolph with my son the other night. I saw that it was showing on TV Wednesday night but it coincided with Smallville (and we know how I feel about Smallville) so I had to go and buy it. That's better anyway, because there's no commercials. The toy companies are going crazy right now with the commercials, getting kids all hopped up for Christmas. It's quite effective. This is the first year I've had to deal with "I want that toy!" shouted at every commercial. Except the girl toys. For some reason, even a kid of 3 knows the difference between a girl toy and a boy toy. I don't like that he does, and I don't know where he's learning that, but he knows. I try to tell him that kids can play with any toys, but he's apparently been brainwashed. He scorns dolls and loves guns. Do you know that even if you ban all guns from your house, a boy will create one using nothing but a straw and a chip clip? I didn't know before, but I sure know now. Anyway, on to my point: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. I have missed it for several years now, so this is the first time I've watched it in a while. I noticed a few things about this movie that I have never noticed before.
First:

Santa is actually kind of an asshole. The elves sing him a song and when they're done he just says "Yes, well it needs some work. I have to go look at the reindeer" and leaves. He tells Donner that Rudolph's nose is a shame, and he'll never make the team. He shuns Rudolph, then shamelessly uses him when he realizes he needs him. What a bastard!
Also:

This Charlie in the Box is hilarious. He gets so upset, crying about his name. "What child wants to play with a Charlie in the Box!" He's so dramatic. I understand that a train with square wheels would be on the Island of Misfit toys, or a polka dotted elephant. But hey Charlie, how about just calling yourself Jack?
Next:

Did you know that Hermey the Elf yanks out all of the Abominable Snowman's teeth? I didn't remember that part, it was actually quite disturbing to me. They tortured the poor guy! Pulled out every single one of his teeth, then pushed him over a cliff. Sure he ends up being friends with them, but for some reason I had it in my head that he had a toothache or something, and the pain was making him mean, and when Hermey pulled out just that one tooth he became nice. I was very wrong.
This was funny:

The Elf Boss sounds like Dave Chappell, he keeps yelling "WHAT?" I laughed every time he said it, and responded with "OK!" each time. Hilarious.

So there you have it. The more sinister side of a classic.
Next up: How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

15 comments:

cat said...

I was so sure that the abomniable guy only had one tooth pulled out. I missed that part last night as I was only watching it on commercials. (You have Smallville, I have America's Next Top Model, ok?). I was thinking about that when I went back to my show. I didn't remember all his teeth coming out. Poor guy. I always thought he was cute.

And yeah, Santa was a prick!

SJ said...

Santa's definately a meanie. Arbitrarily deciding who's been naughty and who's been nice.I mean where does he get off on that? I bet he pulled the wings off flies as a boy...

Kitten said...

Isn't that the whole point of the movie though? Santa starts out being a real ass, then when times are hard he sees the advantages of the freak mutant rudolph and hires him onto his team. It's all about keeping your options open and making a profit. Also, the abominable snowman part, well the message seems to be clear, monsters are evil and need to be dealt with. Isn't that why the US went to Iraq?

Peeved Michelle said...

How the Grinch Stole Christmas is my absolute favorite. The cartoon one.

Munch said...

You crack me up! I love Christmas cartoons - I cant wait to watch them with the kids this year. Havent yet sat down to do that but its on the agenda for the next few weeks.

Jim Carrey's grinch is pretty funny to but I like him in most of his movies.

Your Dave Chappell comment is a classic.

Mark Andrew said...

My favourite Christmas special by far! I don't know what my favourite part is, either when Clarise (the doe who is definitely NOT a bitch) tells Rudolph she thinks he's cute and he goes flying, or when the song There's Always Tomorrow comes on.

Bumbles Bounce!

Yankeebob said...

How strange that I've never noticed the darker side of Rudolph. Hmm..., I'll have to watch it again soon. I thought the same thing about the teeth pulling.

I remember the Elf Boss yelling "WHAT?" That was always a highlight for me anyway. Now it's even funnier.

Mark Andrew said...

You HAVE to watch the SNL spoof on the Rudolph special. You can watch it at

http://www.curiouspictures.com/commercials/clips/snl_narrator.html

It may stick for a minute, but once it's loaded, make sure you watch the whole thing. hahahahaha

grace said...

i always thought i belonged on the island of misfit toys....

Kurt said...

Santa treats Rudolph like an outcast, too, when he's learning to fly. I never liked that. But Yukon Cornelius is the best in that show! Go YC!

Lou Lou said...

gonna have to watch it now....so i knwo what you're talking about!

SJ said...

Never seen it either. But I like the look of the little Elf dude, he looks funny...

3am wanderer said...

Blog surfing and found your blog. This analysis of the movie is hilarious!

The "What" "OK" part left me in tears.

K.D. said...

The Grinch is up next? Yippee... that one is my absolute favorite! It is interesting, though, to watch these type of shows as an adult and from an entirely different perspective.

Summer said...

OMG, Cindy Lou, I don't think I've ever laughed so hard at a review. I can't wait for the Grinch.

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