your myspace is still gay

Jesus Christ, even the fucking Carver
has a MySpace page!

What's wrong with the world?


(Guess I'd better join)

I guess I'm a jackass

Terra and I have this little project that we work on from time to time. We have a pair of Elvis glasses and we try to get people to let us take pictures of them with the glasses on. Well, I suppose I shouldn't say we try since we've yet to be denied.


(Seriously,
who could say no to us?)



The point is not quantity though, no no no. It's quality. You can get anyone and everyone to put on the glasses, but we want the interesting ones, not just any slut at the bar. Like this guy, one of my personal favorites:


I mean really, does he not look awesome?








Also, you have to love the guy at the liquor store.







Anyway, the point of this post (I know, long time coming, huh?) is that I got my hands on the Jackass Volume One DVD this weekend because I love Johnny Knoxville you know, and he has the same glasses on. I think this counts and I'm hereby entering it in our album.

**I hope Johnny Knoxville Googles himself and finds this post.

Is this annoying yet? How about now?

Every time my son says "Guess what" to me (which, if you've ever been around a four year old you'll know is quite often) I answer "Chicken butt". Then he says no, and proceeds to tell me what the guess what was about.

So far he hasn't shown annoyance, just calmly says no as if I was seriously suggesting that chicken butts were worth a big "Guess what!". I'm going to say it every time until he finally gets irritated. But I'm very curious as to how long this will take. Any guesses? How long would it take to annoy YOU?

Right down Santa Claus Lane

Santa is a really crappy wrapper. Probably because Santa is trying to wrap presents after having a little too much to drink. Santa recently discovered the joy of Baileys in her coffee.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Oink oink

Not only am I eating enchiladas, beans, and rice for breakfast but I'm having them with Ruffles!

Yeah, that's right.

Who's a little Christmas piggy?

Thursday

I had margaritas.
I had margaritas.

(I'm singing that in the neener-neener-neener voice that is SO annoying)

Can you believe I have to work tomorrow?

Will I want to get out of bed?
Will I want to go to work?

Will I want to stay in my PJ's drinking coffee and

and.

Making banana pancakes?

Love California

All of the sudden it was like 70 degrees here today. It's still very warm outside, I'd say 65-ish?
But you know what they say.

Earthquake weather.

I'm not scared.

Hey!
I dreamed about Cat and Shawn last night.
Weird.





(it's actually pretty convenient that I already had a picture of a sleeping squirrel here and I could just go in and add the dream bit. it's almost as if I had a premonition last night and somehow knew I'd be posting about a dream today)

So this is music.

You all know John Lennon's Happy Christmas song, yes? Great song, everyone loves it, etc. What I want to know is, at what point did John Lennon decide that Yoko Ono's voice sounded good? I mean, did he really sit there and listen to the finished cut and say to himself "That's it, that sounds great"? Did he really think it sounded good or was he ignoring the fact that her voice can curdle milk simply because she was his wife? Maybe John was trying to get laid that night, so he said she could sing on the track. Maybe she threatened to create more (ahem) "performance art" if he didn't let her sing. Although sing is pushing the limits of the definition of the word. What's the word I'm looking for...
Caterwaul?
Yes, that's it. Let's look up some synonyms for caterwaul, shall we? That will be fun.
bawl, bay, yowl, cry, holler, howl, mewl, scream, screech, squall, squeal, ululate, wail, whine, yell, yelp, yip.
Ululate? Interesting word.
Anyway, before I got distracted by dictionary.com I was talking about the way Yoko Ono's voice makes my ear drums bleed and how the hell John Lennon made the decision to let her be in the song. What do you think? Do you think he truly felt she was worthy or do you think he was trying to score points?
You know what I mean.


So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

(right here is where everything goes to shit)

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over over
If you want it
War is over
Now...

(you'd think I would put this song up on my mp3 player, wouldn't you? but no, I defy logic, I laugh in the face of reason! If you want to hear the song you'll have to download it yourself. click on the link, do it. I put up Lyle Lovett because it's appropriate and it makes me laugh. and that's what life is all about, keeping myself amused. take care)

It's Friday

Let's get hammered.

I've been a bad, bad girl

I've been careless with a delicate blog.
I know, I know, I suck. I haven't been writing, I haven't been commenting, I haven't been returning emails, I haven't signed on to MSN in ages. You must feel abandoned.
Unloved.
Unwanted.

Well, you are.

No, of course I'm kidding. I love you all. I'm just busy right now and you're all taking the hit. I apologize. I promise to lavish you with attention just as soon as I possibly can. But for now you'll have to make do with retarded pictures of weird rodents dressed as people.
Every chance I get, guys.
Every chance I get.

I'll try harder. I promise.
I've got a lot to lose and I'm betting high so I'm begging you before it ends just tell me where to begin.

O, Tannenbaum

I put more lights than ever before on my tree this year. Guess what that means? More opportunities for me to obsess over the exact placement of each bulb! Yay me. On Sunday I put the lights on, rearranged them, took half down, put them back up in a different arrangement, added another strand, it was crazy. By the time I got to the bottom of the tree I realized I was gritting my teeth like a tweaker working the graveyard shift at Walgreens trying to hold it together until six when I can finally go home and organize my closet with the new plastic bins I got with my employee discount. It took so much out of me I had to put off the actual decorating until today. It's hard work decorating a tree with a four year old. Do you know how difficult it is to move ornaments that were unacceptably hung without getting caught? It's rough, I tell you. I tried to tell him the rules: no hanging ornaments from the lights, make sure the ornament isn't touching the branch below it, do not, under any circumstances, hang two red bulbs next to each other. Is it my fault that the kid has the attention span of well...a four year old? At least he got over his idea that all frog ornaments have to hang on one branch. That was a mess. Finally, after many, many switches and changes and rearrangements, the tree was finished. Caden put the star on, we plugged it in and turned it on and voila! My star didn't work. I was so bummed. Wait, I still AM bummed. I bought that star when I was 19 living in Sacramento. I love that star. Now I have to buy a new one and Caden has some bizarre idea that we need one with orange lights in it. I don't have the heart to tell him no, so I may be a little twitchy this Christmas season.
Fa-la-la.

I wonder...

but I don't wonder very much.
The Ikea on my way to work has big advertisements flashing on and off every few seconds.
"Welcome to East Palo Alto" because yeah, that makes me feel safe.
"KFOG Music in the Morning" ok, I do like KFOG and I'd recommend it to anyone visiting from out of town.
But the one that caught my eye is the one that says:
Two million impacts a day in the Bay Area. 1-800-549-7300.
It made me wonder, what happens when you call that number? Is it just an automated voice that repeats what the ad said "Two million impacts a day in the Bay Area" then it hangs up on you? Or does it give you advice on how not to get into an accident driving the Bay Area freeways "Go that way really fast. If something gets in your way...turn"? I wonder, I do. But not enough to dial that number.

sigh.
I'm such a lazy mexican.

I'm back

and I'm alive. Can you believe it?
I had to go down to LA and check on my family. We're all pretty upset about Tookie getting the injection tonight. Poor, sweet Tookie. It's so sad that he's going to die. I mean, who cares how many people he murdered, he wrote books! For children! He was nominated for the Nobel Prize for Christ's sake. Why shouldn't we protect his life? So he murdered four innocent people to rob a 7-11, can't we get past that? Shouldn't he be different? Shouldn't he get preferential treatment? Shouldn't he be granted clemency when the 11 other men who have been executed in the past 13 years weren't granted shit? Come on now, people. Let's protest, let's riot, let's do whatever we need to do to make sure this cold blooded killer continues to shower us with his brilliance. Books encouraging kids not to join gangs. What a novel idea! (no pun intended)(ok, it was intended, sue me) What better way to prove rehabilitation. Our Tookie wouldn't try to snow the Governator, now would he? No chance. Besides, the Governator's a Republican. No way he's giving ol' Tookie a reprieve.

Oh my god, am I actually agreeing with Arnold?
This must be the sobriety talking.

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?





I'm out. See you soon, my love.

deer santa:

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend,

BiLLy



Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.

Santa
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love,

Sarah


Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,

Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
dream.
Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family
with those?

Santa
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love,

Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Santa
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?

Love,

Jessica



Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
skipping your house.

Santa
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy


Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.

Santa
----------------------------------------------------------------

Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,

Marky



Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,

Santa

I love Velveeta and I don't care who knows it.

Let her eat cake

and let me reap the benefits.

I finally made Terra her birthday cake. Only two months after her birthday, what a great friend I am. I am though. A good friend, I mean. I didn't drug the cake, do you need any more proof than that?


(although, I do admit to spiking her drink and copping a feel)



I also kicked her ASS in darts.
I rule.

SNL last night

I just watched the Saturday Night Live from last night with Dane Cook. No, that sounds wrong. I didn't watch it with Dane Cook, although I'd love to. He hosted the show and he was very funny. But as much as I enjoyed him, I was way more impressed by James Blunt. He was great. His voice sounded just as incredible live as it does on the album. He was actually singing, too, no Ashley Simpson action going on. When he sang You're Beautiful he stared at the camera and it was like he was singing to me. I choose to believe he was singing to me. In my head that's nice. Then when he sang Goodbye My Lover, oh boy. He had so much emotion in his face and his voice, I really thought he was going to cry. He may actually have teared up a little bit. It was awesome. I loved him before, but I love him more now. Plus, he played the piano, and I'm a sucker for the piano.

(and just so you know, the links on the names are to their home pages, the links on the songs are for you to download the song, if you're interested. you can preview Goodbye My Lover over to the right)

Here I am.

Have I really not posted since Tuesday?
Wow.

I got a chain letter today. It was mailed to me here at work. I suspect it’s from someone I may have declined for a loan. Those bastards hate me. I’ll probably get in a car accident on my way home today for ignoring it. So tragic.

I didn’t sleep very well last night. I think Starbucks gave me caffeine. I composed the following haiku in my head as I was trying to fall asleep:

You son of a bitch
I swear to god I’ll kill you
if you don’t shut up.

(I plan on drinking this weekend)

Rid me.

I went to Kohls today. Please, if I ever say I'm going there again, shoot me. I thought it was going to be fine but I had to wait seventeen years to get to a cashier and then, get this, she hands me a pen that she pulled OUT OF HER HAIR to sign the credit card receipt. Did you hear me? SHE PULLED THE PEN OUT OF HER HAIR!
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so polite.
I wanted to use my own pen.
I didn't want to be rude.
So I used her lice infested pen.
Fuck manners.
Next time
oh who am I kidding, I'll use it again next time, too.
I'm such a pussy.

Happy Monday?

I opened my notary book today and found this on the back page. So I printed this and put it in a plastic badge holder that was sent to us from a marketing place, and clipped it to her in-box. My job is fun.

and oh how I love Warrick.

Pimp my Xbox

I went to Best Buy today. Did you know they have totallyawesomerad faceplates for the Xbox? You can get silver or flames or even a fake wood cover. I imagine this makes you much cooler in your group of gamer friends. Because isn't that what we all aspire to? To be the coolest one in a group of gamers?

(no offense, guys. I tease with love)

The other thing I noticed is the TV department. The big screens and expensive plasmas are all in this special section. They have those leather couches and end tables; you know what I'm talking about. The velvet ropes separate the common folk from the elite. I believe I saw a couple of bouncers in tan slacks and blue shirts. Telling me with their eyes "I saw you drive up in that Honda, don't even think about coming in here". It's like the high roller section in Vegas casinos.

And to top it all off, they didn't even have what I went there to get.
To quote Cartman:
Screw you guys, I'm going home.

Bunch of savages in this mall

Who's going shopping today?
Because I'm certainly not, are you crazy?

Adding to my misery: It's raining.

P.S. Ok, technically it's not raining, but it rained yesterday and it's cloudy and windy leading me to believe it will rain at some point today.

Ok, I take it back. Not everything sucks today.

The annual Beatles Family Tree A to Z starts Wednesday at noon, on the classic rock experience, 98.5 KFOX.

They've been playing nothing but Beatles.

Why does everything suck today?

bad suggestions

I just did a search for Into The West but accidentally typed Into Teh West. I know, I'm so haxor. Anyway, it suggested this:

did you mean into tea wet?

What the fuck do they mean by that?

I've got a fever

and cowbell isn't doing a fucking thing for it.

Thanks a lot, Ty, for getting me sick. You suck. I think this is the second time you've done this to me. Oh well, at least you didn't knock me up.

I've added a few links, deleted a few links, updated some that have changed. Anyone want in? I'm opening the doors.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

Yeah. Happy Monday.

What Your Underwear Says About You

When you're bad, you're very bad. And when you're good, you're still trouble! You're sexy, in that pinup girl, tease sort of way.

The Underwear Oracle

Funny goes a long way with me

Um, so does hotness and muscles. Dane Cook is a genius. I want to go drinking with him. And possibly bear his children.

Clip 1

Clip 2





Listen, and laugh. Because couldn't we all use a little laughter in our lives today? Personally, I need to laugh all I can now because I'm going to a church later for a baptism and the odds are very good that I will burst into flames the instant I set foot inside.

Wish me luck.

Blogger vs Myspace

Indian Summer HNT

Want to hear something sad?

I'm losing my crush on Tom Welling. I was watching last week's Smallville and a truck was (allegedly) trying to run him off the road and he was all scared. Superman....scared?

What the hell

Toughen up, pansy. You're the man of steel. Act like it.

ha.

God damn, I love California.


Caden and I went to the beach today.











That's right, the beach.
In November.

Ha.

God damn, I love Family Guy.

Stupid Dean Koontz

My book is frustrating the hell out of me. I hate knowing what would be good for the characters and watching them do the opposite. I'm reading and talking to the book, as if I might actually change the outcome. "No, don't do that!" "Just tell him what's going on, he can help you." "What the fuck, you stupid mother fucking kid!"

I get involved in my books. I know. It's a problem.

I had to buy this book at the airport because I lost my book on the way there. I left it on the plane or in the bathroom at the airport, maybe. Who knows. All I know is I was halfway through All The Pretty Horses and I lost it. I hate having to buy the same book twice. I also hate that every time I write airport I accidentally write airpost and have to go back and correct it.

It's a shocker. (ha)

Who knew I was a hockey fan? I certainly didn't. Yet there I was at the Sharks game, cheering and yelling (and sticking my fingers in my mouth to whistle really loud) as if I actually cared who won. (The Sharks lost, by the way, but they lost in a shoot out, which I just don't think is real.) I think hockey must be the one sport that moves fast enough to keep my attention. Plus, we saw blood. (A word of advice, if Terra is ever mad at you don't go near ice with her. She noticed how easily the blood was cleaned up and it made her smile.) I guess it took a Canadian to turn me into a hockey fan. How cliche.

We drank a lot of beer and I learned a few eyebrow-raising facts about some fellow bloggers. Ew, I just killed a bug with my thumb. I need to go wash my hands.

Good night.

How many shopping days left?

The Christmas season is upon us. You know how I know? In three days I received seven catalogs in the mail. I will order stuff from Harry and David, most likely order from the Bombay Company, possibly from the Pottery Barn, but I'm pretty sure I won't be purchasing Christmas gifts from the Victoria's Secret catalog. I feel sorry for the mailpersons (see how PC I can be?), their bags must be so heavy this time of year. Maybe I'll offer him some Gatorade.

Coffee and peanut M&M's for breakfast?
I say yes.

I'm out.

I'm leaving on a jet plane. I don't know when I'll be back again. Ok, I do know, I'll be back Thursday. See you all later, have a good week, and please, love each other very much. Do it for me.

Stolen from Cat. Nothing to say today.

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Yeah. I was drunk.

I watched "the video" from the Halloween party on Saturday night. I feel much better prepared to talk about the party now. Before I just wasn't completely sure what exactly happened the entire night.

Now I know.
I kind of wish I didn't.
But I do.

Excuse me.








Things I learned watching the video from last Saturday night:

1. We talk LOUD.
2. I wave my hands around an awful lot when I drink.
3. Terra's mouth says one thing and her hands say the opposite.
4. My sister repeats herself a lot.
5. My brother in law is a shit talker when he's drunk.
6. I have a low self image.
7. I also have no balance.
8. Terra sees bunnies.
9. I cannot last more than three minutes in one conversation when I'm drunk.
10. We are fucking funny as hell. I swear.

Dance Party HNT

Three half-nekkid people in this one. I'm trying to make up for skipping HNT for so long? Or maybe not. Maybe I'm putting this up now because I have nothing to talk about and a picture says 1000 words. I believe this one says "dork" a thousand times, over and over again. I do wish you could see my shirt though. It says "WWJD for a Klondike Bar?"

Do you recognize the famous blogger on the right?

What the fuck.

I want my TV

I'm watching Smallville right now. I haven't been able to watch it because I can't watch it in front of the kiddo. Apparently I have to be careful about what I watch in front of Caden now. This episode is about vampires. I have to admit that Lana is pretty hot as a vampire. It's too bad that Clark can't turn into a vampire though. That would give me about a year's supply of MM in itself. I just find it very interesting that they have Spike from Buffy guest starring on Smallville for a while and all of the sudden they have an episode about vampires. I don't know how I feel about Spike having dark hair and no accent. It's disconcerting. It's amusing to hear Spike say "Clark, there's no such thing as vampires" though.

Can you tell I'm bored and have nothing to write about?

Preview

Here's Terra on Saturday night.
I mean, minus the schoolgirl outfit.
Which she apparently lost by the end of the night anyway.

Word of the Day for Monday October 31, 2005

immolate \IM-uh-layt\, transitive verb:
1. To sacrifice; to offer in sacrifice; to kill as a
sacrificial victim.
2. To kill or destroy, often by fire.

Party tonight

House is decorated, costume (almost) finished, music cued, now I just have to get moving on the food.

Oh yeah.
Alcohol: Check.

A nursery rhyme for Terra

Cindy Lou Who bought some roofies
but she said "these roofies are bitter.
if I put them in my batter
they will make my batter bitter"

But then Cindy Lou Who found out that carrot cake hides the taste of roofies quite well, as a matter of fact.

The end.

bad bad bad

I just killed a black widow spider INSIDE MY HOUSE!

It was inside my house! Walking along my mantel like it owned the place. Little fucker was no match for my fly swatter though, I'll tell you that much.

I feel like throwing up now though, I fucking hate spiders.

Censored

My son is no longer allowed to watch Family Guy.
He told his dad this morning:
I'm going to bang your girlfriend.

Oops.
That's so my fault.

stolen from YB

Raw evil score: 17.78%

Yo, gimme something to dance to.

Do you guys feel like emailing me some party songs? Something happy, something dancy, something that might make me wiggle?

Pretty please.

chamil10@aol.com

I have nothing to say today

So, I'll just change the song and leave it at that.


I'm going to have pizza for dinner.
Well, possibly calzone.

Bye.

A show of hands, please

Since I got such a response on the hangover eating binge post, I was wondering if you'd answer a question for me. I'm wondering how common this one is.
How many of you have achey knees the day after drinking?

and she'd probably like it.

Having just stopped by Ty's blog, I feel the need to issue a warning.

Terra,
I'm going to slip roofies in your drink and take so many pictures that Ty will never be wanting for jpgs again.
Love, Cindy

Best answer wins...well, nothing.

What do you think this snake was doing in the parking lot of the Hilton in Oakland?

I wonder, should I get up and fix myself a drink?

I was in another seminar all day today. No Jake, not a self-help seminar, you disgusting sour cream eater. Mortgage Lending Compliance. This seminar made me want to stab myself in the eye and curl up under the table to die quietly.

I'm pretty bored with my music lately. Which is odd because I have a ton of new stuff. I guess it's because I have all the new stuff on my computer but I can't listen to it in my car. Apparently I need an iPod. Whatever. You think you're so cool, all hoity-toity with your iPods. It drove me to listen to the radio this morning, and the most amazing thing happened. I heard two songs that I love. Angel of Harlem, my favorite U2 song, and Don't Let's Start by They Might Be Giants. Dude, the 80's at 8 rules.

I'm tired now. I'm going to watch Nip/Tuck. I have to stay one episode ahead of Suburbite at all times. It's required.

Besides, Cat's ignoring me on MSN so life isn't even worth living.

word

Well, I did it. I screwed up the word verification. On YoJ's blog.
I'm in prison now. And let me tell you, as far as being someone's bitch goes, I'm really appreciating Terra right about now.

Ok, not really, they just gave me a new word, but still.

it's almost Halloween

I keep hearing references to chupacabras on TV, so I know Halloween is right around the corner. The funniest by far was the Scooby Doo episode about the chupacabra and just now I heard them talk about it on Invader Zim. Yeah, so I watch a lot of cartoons, so what. Invader Zim rocks. I Google image searched for a picture, this was the best one I found. Of course, if Ty was a little faster on the shutter release I'd have a picture of a real one, but I guess we can't have everything. I'm kind of jealous that Ty saw a real chupacabra though. The one I have hanging on my front door right now just doesn't cut it.

life altering TV

I watched that new show Freddie last night. I'm not even going to ask if anyone saw it, I'm guessing no. Whatever, it was on Tivo and I didn't feel like watching an hour long program so I went with the brainless crap. Don't act all high and mighty, we all do it. Besides, he's hot. Anyway, I was watching this show, and I'll admit I laughed a few times, but my point is that I had a revelation. I know, who would imagine that a show starring Freddie Prinze, Jr and Brian Austin Green would cause me to have a revelation? Side note: Do they really have to have such long names? Does the Austin set him apart from the crowd? Anyway, FPJ is going out with this girl who always wants to stay home and hang out with the family and rent movies. She doesn't like to go out to clubs because they're too crowded and there's no place to sit. Hmmm....sounding familiar....
Then he takes her out to a restaurant (ok his restaurant) and she refuses to try the appetizer because she "doesn't eat that fancy food". Ok, that is so me. He ends up not wanting to date her because he can't stand that she's not adventurous and won't try new things. Won't try new food.
I decided that I don't want to be this girl. So I'm going to try to change my attitude towards life. I already started this with my solo trip to Canada in July, so I've got a head start. I also made a deal with Caden a couple weeks ago that I'd try an olive if he tried a tomato, so I have that on my side. I still hate olives though, but at least I tried it, right? I can't say I'm going to get all crazy and try weird stuff like alligator or tofu but I'm not going to do what I usually do, which is decide on sight that I hate a certain kind of food. I will try (key word is try) to broaden my mind. Thank you, Freddie Prinze, Jr. You have changed my life.

Esheat Happens.

Sunday

I just ate so many french fries that I'm seriously thinking of becoming buelimic. What is it about drinking all day that makes me so hungry the next day? I swear, I just can't get enough food and diet coke today. I think I should just go to bed. End this day already.

Saturday

Apparently, I'm Terra's bitch today.

Sad state of affairs

Sometimes I'm embarrassed to be a Californian.

Please tell these actors to quit turning our state goverment into a joke. Jesus.

verify me

Does anyone else get nervous when you do those word verifications? I feel like I'm taking an exam or something, I'm worried I'm going to screw up. And then what? Right? I mean, what are they going to do, take away my birthday? Still though, I get all "oh my god, is that an "i" or a "j"? what if I get it wrong? will they label me a spammer? this is too stressful! I can't handle it". So if I don't leave you comments it's because I just can't deal with the word verification. It's just something I'll need to work through.

Music

The night we did that pole dancing thing my sister made CDs of sex-like songs for us. I hadn't really listened to it so I put it on yesterday to check out what was on it. Not bad. So today I'm in the car with my little forgotten boy and he's listening to the music with me, dancing in his car seat. I had a heart attack and quickly changed the song when I realized he was rocking out to Closer by Nine Inch Nails. Oops. Near the end was Rock Your Body by Justin Timberlake. I like it, he liked it, so we sang and danced. Then I turned it down and we had this conversation:

Me: Caden, you like this song?
Him: Yeah
Me: I do too, but if anyone asks, you have to say you do not like Justin Timberlake.
Him: Why?
Me: Because we're not allowed to like Justin Timberlake.
Him: Okay.

Baby's got a bad, bad memory

I know I have a bad memory. I have like four memories from childhood. Possibly four more from high school. I always forget people's names and sometimes forget if I've ever met them before. I can't remember what I talked about with someone, I constantly forget to eat, I have to write down every little appointment on my calendar. I'm supposed to change my contacts every two weeks; sometimes I go five days, sometimes I go five weeks, I really can't be trusted to remember anything. But today I forgot something that is absolutely ridiculous even by my standards.

I forgot my kid at school.

am I retarded...

or did YOU know that Abe Froeman is a real person?

sexist bastards

Why is it that when I tell someone I'm throwing a football with my son the first question I get is "do you throw like a girl?" I hate that guys automatically assume that girls can't throw a ball. Never mind that I think I pulled a muscle in my shoulder and it hurts like a son of a bitch right now, I can throw a fucking football.

lounger

You know how your tool bar at the bottom will shorten things when you have a lot of windows open? Right now in my music program it looks like I'm listening to "Front Porch Lou" instead of "Front Porch Lounger". I like it.

It's the little things that make me happy.

oh, Wentworth

I was really sad to have to throw this in the recycle bin. It was on my table for a long time and every time I'd see it I'd say "mmmmm". I just couldn't help myself. Now he's waiting to be recycled. I think he's out there right now. Damn. You'd think I would be a better stalker by now.

I hate baseball playoffs.

All I know is...

If you spend too much time thinking about the end of the world you won't have any time to enjoy it while it's still here.

and damn it, I keep forgetting I owe Terra a cake.
I'm such a bad friend.
I don't know if she deserves it though, since she lied about her birthday.

Her pants are so on fire.

Well, that's enough of that.

I had to stop listening to James Blunt.
I was afraid it was going to be bad for my circulation.
Like, make it stop or something.

G Love to the rescue. I hope you guys like this song better than you liked My Baby's Got Sauce. Picky bastards.

Sunday

So. I didn't make it through the whole concert. I left half way through Modest Mouse and missed the Killers completely. It was cold and we were tired, and as it turned out, nobody cared enough to stick it out. Interesting.

I'm listening to James Blunt and it's depressing me.
It's like my new Disintegration.

Saturday

I'm going to a concert today at Shoreline. It's called the Download Festival, I'm not really sure why. Maybe because the artists are downloaded a lot? I don't know. I'll be seeing The Killers, Arcade Fire, Modest Mouse, and a bunch of others that I don't really know. My friend is excited to see H.I.M. so I gave them a shot yesterday. I was on the phone though so I didn't really get a good listen. I'm always on the phone. Good thing I've got free wireless to wireless. Ha.
Anyway, I put up an Arcade Fire song over there ----> in honor of the concert. Although I do have to admit that I have a Killers song stuck in my head so it probably would have made more sense for me to put that up instead. Oh well, since when have I ever made sense?

I hope you all have a great weekend. I'll be drunk soon.
Thank God.

Quickie

Don't you hate it when you're cruising along the freeway, going much too slow because of the person in front of you, and it takes you like ten miles to realize it's Saturday so you can drive in the carpool lane anyway?

Can this count as HNT?

I mean, uh, what if I say I'm not wearing pants?

I feel bad I keep flaking. I just don't have any interesting pictures. So you get one of my face, which I usually don't show. Booooring......

AFK

I'm going to be at a seminar all day Thursday.
Miss me terribly, won't you?

(Oh my, 10:10, 10/05/05, I'm in heaven)

Caden made me send him to school yesterday with a mohawk.

two things from TV that made me think of Terra T (hey, that rhymes)

Quote from Desperate Housewives:

He took me to Mexican. You know what happens when I drink tequila. A couple shooters and my bra unsnaps itself.

Then on Arrested Development, Gob slips himself a roofie.

Ok that last one hasn't actually happened yet, but I saw it on the preview for next week. Damn, I crack myself up.

TT is going to love me for this. Oh well, serves her right for giving unauthorized pictures (and information) to Ty.

Just keeping it real.

Damn Tivo

Remember when I said that I can't eat while watching Nip/Tuck? Well, apparently I can't eat and watch Bones either. Damn falling heads. Add CSI to the list plus a possible Supernatural and and that leaves like 3 shows I can actually eat while watching. And we all know how much I love to eat.

Sunday

Yeah, that's right, I drank all the coffee.
You snooze, you lose, pal.

Try explaining irony to a four year old.

So, my kid gets up and climbs onto the lapdance chair with me. He says I'm a good mommy today, just so you know. Probably because he's only been up for 30 minutes and I haven't had to yell at him for anything yet. Anyway, we turn on the TV and it's on Nickelodeon. There's this little dancing robot on there and it says today is the Worldwide Day of Play. What I'm getting from this is Nickelodeon won't play any cartoons today so that kids will go outside and play instead of watch TV. Which sounds great to me, I'm all for kicking your kids out of the house. The funny thing is Caden and I are so entertained by the dancing robot guy that we've been sitting here for 10 minutes watching him dance.

How much would it take for you to jack off in front of someone?

Someone just said to me:

You really are the ub3r-hAx0r-spirit guide, teh Lou.

Apparently, I'm good with the love-life advice or some shit. I don't know, I just really liked that sentence.

So......Friday already! Want to know what I get to do? Huh? Wanna?
I get to go to a wedding rehearsal tonight! Yes, yes I do. Then the rehearsal dinner. Then tomorrow, the wedding. Kid and Husband are both in the wedding, so according to the three page Excel document we received, I have to be there at 1pm and I don't get to leave until "oh, we'd love to stay but Caden is sooooo tired, we really have to get him to bed" o'clock.
Sometimes it's really handy, having a kid. You always have an excuse.

(but I would never use that excuse with you)

Enjoy the Friday party song, and I hope you all have a great weekend. I'm post dating this for tomorrow, because I want it to say Friday on it. I feel like such a fraud. (hey, it's the 30th, I get paid tomorrow. cool)

Thursdays

I thought it would be funny to put this song up, since I don't work on Thursdays. So, you can take it as me saying "neener neener neener, you're at work and I'm not".

Should I be embarrassed that I just put Mean Girls on my Netflix list?

Sunny day, everything's a-ok.

I was sitting outside on a blanket in the sun today. Surrounding me were my phone, my camera, my laptop, and a cup of coffee. I commented to Suburbite that this was probably the best summation of what is Cindy Lou that you could come up with.


Won't you come sit on the blanket with me and have a cup of coffee? The weather is beautiful, not a cloud in sight. The grass is green, the sky is blue, and the coffee is delicious.

My head hurts a little bit.

You don't know her like I do

Ten bucks Terra tries to wear something like this tonight.












Happy birthday, Terra!

Help me out here

Is it wrong when you sing "some of my friends sell records" and your four year old comes back with "some of my friends sell drugs"?

It feels wrong, but it damn funny.

Catching up on Tivo

I just watched the season premier of Nip/Tuck. I made the mistake of thinking I could eat Fritos and cottage cheese while I watched, boy was I wrong. Did you see this episode? Ouch.
The mom on that show bugs me. She looks like a nervous chihuahua all the time. The son bugs me too. He looks like Michael Jackson. I don't like it.











I also watched the first part of the CSI premier. I don't care what anybody says, a group of people walking in slow motion just looks cool.

WEIRD.

Ok, this old guy just came into the credit union to talk to me. Yes, apparently just to talk to me. He didn't actually belong to this credit union, he belonged to the one downstairs but he wanted to invite me (or whichever lucky person was here at the time) to the Polish Festival this weekend. Not that I have anything against the Polish, mind you, even if they keep threatening to tow my car. I'm still not going to the Polish Festival. Even if it is near my house.
Anyway, this man comes in and sits down at the counter with his potted plant beside him. (I wondered if the plant has a name) He has a South African accent, I found out that it was in fact South African when he told me he grew up there and had snakes and chameleons for pets. He also told me about the baby piglets that he got a few years ago and named after his kids. (Brucey and Cathy, I believe) He had to keep them in the bathtub because they were incontinent. (cool) He wanted his daughter to take them but her husband said no. He thought they would be perfect pets for his five year old grandson. (Wyatt) His friend had to take them to the animal shelter. His friend's daughter has annorexia nervosa because she grew up with a very dominate father. (um, ok) He thinks I should go to the Polish Festival this weekend and be in his play because I'm "dashingly attractive". I could be the herione. He asked me if I had heard about the bank robbery in Danville where the sheriff killed the robber. He thought that was a little scary since he'd always had a fantasy about robbing a bank. (scary) He noticed that I was alone here, he mentioned it quite a few times as a matter of fact, and said it's too bad I'm married or he'd suggest that we close the credit union and take off to Hawaii together. (scarier) Although, maybe it's a good thing I'm married because that meant he could tie me up and hold me for ransom. (scariest) He's sure my husband would pay the ransom because I'm so pretty. He thought I should make sure to tell my husband what a lucky man he is. I should go home and tell him tonight. (I will) He told me all about his friend who's an actor and also happens to be an alcoholic. He asked about the other employees (why won't someone come back!) and asked if they were all as pretty as I am. As he was (finally) leaving he said he was so happy he decided to come upstairs. Yeah, me too, buddy.

This is all completely true and I have not exaggerated at all.
What the hell is the matter with people?

don't even tell me I missed HNT

Ok, I'll be honest, I knew it was Thursday but I skipped HNT. Fine! I admit it! So? What are you going to do about it, huh?
Nothing, that's what.

Cindy doesn't play well with others.
Cindy has a short attention span.
Cindy gets bored and quits playing games.

Not all games though.
I like drunken Jenga.

I went to the Great Mall today for the sole purpose of buying some Vans. The Vans store is gone, the Vans skate park is gone. There is now a Kohls. A fucking Kohls took over the skate park.

What is this world coming to?
Seriously.

In my building there’s a design firm that rents a small office down the hall. One guy is always in there alone and his desk is right next to the door, facing the other way. First of all, that would annoy the fuck out of me. How can anyone sit with their back to the door like that? I could never do that. But more importantly, one of these days I’m not going to be able to control myself and I’m going to jump in there behind him and yell “BOO!”

Question

Do you think anyone has ever been so annoyed with their hair that they actually killed themselves?

Ah, to be a kid again

I don't know about you guys, but I'm totally jealous of my kid's lunch. Not only because it's so yum but I like how everything is in it's own little compartment. I need plates like this. I also need ketchup with every meal.






Most people say Caden looks exactly like his dad, but I don't know, I think he looks a little like me. What do you think?

Entertain me

When you guys are typing in the word verifications that have taken blogland by storm, do you find yourself making them sound like cool words?
Zunaqua
Shandango
Vusivi
Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

Friday, is it really that great?

A few years ago, at my last credit union, you could depend on hearing the following phrase at least once every Friday:

Hey, it's Friday, let's get hammered.

Apparently there was an old commercial about being an alcoholic that contained this line, and since we were all borderline alcoholics at the time we found this very amusing.
No, we weren't drunk at work.
I swear.

My Friday song is an old favorite, it always makes me think of Ang and then I get all pissed off that she moved away. Stupid Ang.
Every time this song came on we'd have to take a shot. Every once in a while we were unable to fulfill this obligation, such as being in the car or something, but we'd make up for it later. Not that being in the car necessarily meant that shots weren't being taken, but not every time, come on we weren't crazy.

Anyway, take a shot tonight for Ang and me, will ya?
If you need an excuse just come here and turn on the song. Look over at your friend and say "Brass Monkey, gotta take a shot!"

Repeat as desired.

Thursday

I think I'm skipping HNT this week. Just not in the mood. I leave you with something funny involving pirates. Pirates are always good for a laugh. A laugh or a broken ankle, whatever.

A bag of JUST green M&M's.

Do you have any idea how much easier this would make my life?

Sorry Cat

I'm supposed to write a tribute to David Boreanaz a.k.a. Yummypants today, in honor of his return to prime time. I am unable to do that right now as I am way too fascinated by the guy from Prison Break to give Yummypants much thought at all. I might feel differently after watching Bones tonight, but as of right now I haven't seen or heard from Yummypants in ages, yet I just got an hour of (yeah I know) Wentworth Miller. Sorry Cat, there's a new Yummypants in town.