Act II, Scenes 1-3

Grace recommended:
a1. i was going to recommend shaun of the dead... but it's already been taken. so i'll say napoleon dynamite.
>I've been hearing about this Napoleon Dynamite but never knew what people were talking about. I finally saw the trailer for it last night and now I totally want to see it. Also, I totally want to see what Dane's hair looks like, since apparently it's a cross between Napoleon Dynamite and Easy-E. This I gotta see. (update: rented Napoleon Dynamite. Will watch tonight and let you know tomorrow how I liked it)
a2. i just finished the adventures of kavalier and clay. i thought it was definitely worth a read....
>Since I read anything I can get my hands on, I will find this book and pwn it. (I am teh hAx0r)
a3. if you like trip hop at all, check out esthero.
>Not knowing what trip hop means, the outcome does not look hopeful.....
Grace asked:
b1. when will you go see a physician to get your OCD treated?
>I assume you mean......

OCD: Our Corpse Destroyed
>Oh, that's not what you meant?

>I would guess OCD therapy would include forcing me to stare at this picture for hours on end, not being able to straighten out that corner of the FUCKING POST-IT NOTE!!!!!
(Ok, I'm ok. Deep, calming breaths.....counting to ten....)
>Real answer: Never.
b2. is any question too personal for you?
>Yes, there are some questions I would refuse to answer.
b3. if not, how old were you when you lost your virginity?
>This not being one of them, 16. Too young I feel now, but when we're 16 we have ALL the answers, don't we?

djfutile recommended:
(A) 1. Shaun of the dead (movie)
>We've gone over this. *sigh*
2. Hitch-hiker's guide to the galaxy (book)
>Next time I hitchhike across the universe I'll be sure to carry this as my guidebook. Oh, I'm kidding, I'll look for it next time I'm at Barnes and Noble.
3. i really like modest mouse lately, very modern Cure. (artist)
>I hate the Cure. Ok, I was joking but even joking, I still wanted to kick my own ass for saying that just now. Ok, I'll find Modest Mouse.

the DJ asked:
(B) 1. what is your favorite toothpaste
>Colgate!

>Can't you see why?
2. what was the best thing you got this year for xmas
>I have to say #1: seeing my son dance around in his underwear to the Nutcracker. Oh and I got a pretty cool bracelet, too. Also, Life of Pi, did you know that Mel and I are going to read it at the same time and have a cool little book club? As long as Ian doesn't give away the ending.
3. what..... is the airspeed velocity of an unladen(?) swallow?!
>I promise: Next time I get high I will watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail and I will answer this question then.

Super Ken recommended:
1. a movie - 'K-Pax'
>Actually I've seen this movie and loved it! Wow, one down; a million to go.....
2. a book - 'Catch 22' by Joseph Heller
>Are you trying to educate me? Get me to think? I feel a headache coming on.....
Really though, I will read this one. It's been on my mind for a while.
3. an album - ATOMSHIP 'Crash of 47'
>I have never even heard of Atomship, but I'll look around for it. Unless you'd like to email me a song......

Super Ken asked:
1. You're restless and alone in the house. What do you do?
>I wouldn't be home for long! I'd head out for some entertainment. I'd need some sustenance first:

I'll take a Strawberries Wild with the energy boost, please.

Then I'd head to that mecca of the mall......
2. What do you HATE about some blogs?
>Red writing on black background. (if any of you assholes changes to that now I'll come find you.) Also, whining about your ex-boyfriend, or not having a sense of humor. Also, when people write racist fake letters to the president. (haha! kidding, J)
3. (this one is stolen from some other weblog) You get the morning paper and see your name in the headline, what would you like the headline to say?
>I prefer to stay out of the papers, actually. I know, my answer sucks. Maybe I'll make something up......

"San Jose woman discovers method for converting blogging into an alternative energy source. Saves planet. Wins Nobel prize."

Responding to the questions now

I'm only going to tackle a few at a time, or the post would be huge, and we all know how long our attention spans are around here. Oh come on, admit it. I'm not the only one with the attention span of a gnat.

Evil recommends:
1. Shaun Of The Dead. best zombie movie ever, and probably the funniest, too.
>In reality, probably won't watch it unless I catch it on cable sometime. I just can't seem to sit still for movies lately. But I will try.
2. Johnathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, by Susanna Clarke. i can't seem to stop recommending this book.
>It doesn't have a spaceship or a troll on the cover does it? (haha)
3. The Killers- Hot Fuss. probably this is the most corporate band i listen to, but i can't help lovin' 'em.
>This I will look into. Anything called The Killers can't be bad.

Evil asked:
1. what's your favorite kind of beer?
>Coors Light, naturally. I also like Tecate, but that's pretty much it. Right now I'm addicted to Capt Morgan's Parrot Bay rum with Diet Coke. Well, not addicted really, I just, um, like it.

Yarrrrrr! I'll get you drunk!

2. do you have any guilty pop culture pleasures, like being a huge closet Barry Manilow fan (a Fanilow) or something like that?
>I don't think so unless you count Eminem. Remember in Office Space at the beginning when Michael Bolton is listening to the hardcore rap music in his car, and when he sees that black guy he turns it down and rolls up the windows? That's me.
3. what kind of excuses do you use to get off of the phone with a relative who's talking your ear off?
>I don't. I'm a pansy, so I just keep talking. But once I told a telemarketer who was calling about the Mercury News that I was happy with my long distance service and hung up.

J recommends:

1.Parenthood with Steve Martin, Keanu Reeves & that judge lady who is now on Law & Order... it's just old school funny.
>I saw this years ago, I can barely remember it. But since I love Steve Martin and Keanu loves Terra, I'll watch it again.
2. Short stories by O.Henry. Short stories, British whit.
>This I'll read. Well, I'm 85% likely to read it.
3. Miles Davis' album Neffertiti.
>I've always wanted to listen to Miles Davis. Here's my excuse.

J asked:
1. What's your favorite cereal?
>Cinnamon Life, with Apple Cinnamon Cheerios running a close second. I like cinnamon, ok?
2. If you could be one exotic jungle animal, which would you pick?
>I'm going to go with the marmoset, because they're cute and I like to say "marmoset".

I'm a cute marmoset. Look at me.

3. Do you think that Laura Bush is a robot?
>No, but I think she plays one on TV.

YankeeBob recommends:
Movie - Cousins, Isabella Roselinni & Ted Danson, trust me, it's pretty good, romantic, happy sad, funny
>I trust you YB.
Book - Road To Gandolfo by Robert Ludlum very funny and the end is a surprise
>I like surprise endings, so ok I'll read it.
Music - Conferring with The Moon, William Ackerman, mellow guitarist, some keyboards (kinda new age) I noticed you like the mellow stuff.
>I absolutely like the mellow stuff, guitars and keyboards are key. I'll have a listen.

YankeeBob asks:
How often do you reorganize your closets? (Your Christmas ornaments post made me curious)
>I'm a little offended that you would think my closets need reorganizing. My closets are perfect, YB.
Is beer really the elixer of life?
>Duh. I mean no. Love is. *vomits*
Would you kiss a girl given the chance? (Sandy, for instance.)
>What makes you think I haven't? (Ok, I'll admit, I haven't kissed Sandra Bullock. Yet.)

Who's that over there? Is that Cindy? I want to kiiiiiss her, I want to daaaate her.

Michelle recommends:
The Cutting Edge starring D.B. Sweeney (pure cheese)
>I love cheese!
Sweet Memories by LaVyrle Spencer (ginormous titties keep a woman from finding true love)
>So many parallels to my life. Oh no, that's just a quote from Joel's blog, not true at all. But for some reason the word titties is offensive to me.
There She Goes by The La's (awesome)
>The La's. Ok. I'll take your word for it. Since we have so many things in common.

Michelle asked:
What is your biggest fear in life?
>Danger? Ha!

I walk on the wild side. I laugh in the face of danger, hahaha!
Now that we've all had a good laugh, I'm afraid of everything!

Why did you name your son Caden?
>I liked the name Cade, David liked the name Aiden. I figured if Will Smith could name his kid Jaden, I could combine the two and make Caden. It was that or Maximus, I opted for Caden. It was close there for a minute though. 20 hours of labor makes you kind of loony.
If money were no object, where would you live?
>San Jose, California! Have you not heard, I love it here.

That's all for today, ladies and gents. More tomorrow. There are so many good questions!

Let's give that Cat a round of applause!

You'll notice I have a profile picture again. Thanks to the wonderful technical support staff at Beyond Elsewhere, Cindy-Lou is available for your viewing pleasure. Haha, that sounded dirty, didn't it?

I'm currently working on the responses to all your suggestions and questions. Joel told me I better get moving on that, so they should be up tomorrow. Key word being should.

A couple of quizzes, if only to put an end to the questions!

:: how jedi are you? ::

(I'm a troublemaker. How appropriate)

I taste like Alcohol. Heh. Heh. I taste like beer. I like beer. Buy me a beer. I'm not drunk, I can drink plenty without... What was I saying? Beer. What Flavour Are You?

(Now that's something I like to hear)


JUST LIKE HEAVEN is the Cure song that you should
go listen to RIGHT NOW! Here are the lyrics:

"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it and I promise you
I promise that I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with
you?
That I'm in love with you?"

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream...

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone
Alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven


Which Cure Song Should You Listen To?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Don't know how appropriate this is, but anything to do with the Cure will be posted here)

Dare I deny Teh Evil?

Ok, I've been instructed by Evil to continue this deal here. So here it is. I mustn't disobey El Evile. Now, I've been putting thought into my responses about town, and I expect the same of you.

(A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie
2. a book
3. a musical artist, song, or album

(B) Ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want. Answers will be posted next week--great time for strangers to say hi.

(C) Then go back to your blog, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything; say that you stole it from me.

One last item: Two blog posts made me laugh out loud this weekend. I'd advise you to check out this episode of Peevishness and Botheration. Michelle is a genius. I also highly recommend this Hairshirt post. But only if you want to laugh. Otherwise, stay home.

Tell me why I don't like Mondays.

I need medication

***Update***
I went to Target and got one of those huge bins that hold ornaments. I unpacked all the boxes and re-packed my ornaments. I'm feeling much better now.

I took the tree down today. I know, it seems early but I found a spider web on it, and what looked to me like a bunch of dead baby spiders. At least they weren't live baby spiders, right? I was told that I'm wrong, that they're not spiders, but I'm not convinced. Also, I was so affected by the idea of a bunch of spiders in my house that I could instantly feel something on my leg, of course, and had to run to the bedroom and rip my pants off to check for a spider. No spider. I can still feel it though. Gross, gross, gross. So I had to get the tree out of the house. Baby spiders have been known to spontaneously re-animate, that's what I heard. Anyway, a few weeks ago when we decorated the tree my sister pulled most of the ornaments out of the boxes for me. So today, as I was putting them away, I was freaking out because I couldn't remember what boxes they belonged in. I'm not talking about the boxes they came in, I mean the little boxes I've designated for them. I will put certain ones together, wrapped in tissue paper, and I kind of separate them in order of importance. I couldn't remember which ones belonged in which box and I was standing there with my hands on my head totally stressing out about it. Then I was stressing out about the fact that I was stressing out about it! I was like "what the fuck is the matter with me, why do I care?" I did though. I was irritated because the ornaments that belonged together weren't fitting in the same box, so I'm guessing that I chose the wrong box. I know.....I need a label maker! That would solve this problem. A label maker and a lot of time. Yeah, that's what I need, a good label maker. Oh who am I kidding, I need a good psychiatrist. Hope you all had a great day!

Merry Christmas you wonderful old Blogger.com!

I won't have time to post tomorrow so I wanted to wish everyone a very merry chrostmas! I will have the family here, plus a few extra dropping in and out throughout the day and night. Homemade tamales are a big draw. Tamales and beer, can you imagine a better chrostmas eve? Throw in my family and friends hanging out at my house, I'm on cloud nine. Last year chrostmas eve was so great, everyone was here, we were drinking beer, people kept stopping by, it was so wonderful and I was so happy! and drunk! I was so drunk! Family, good friends, great food, and alcohol. Isn't that what the chrostmas spirit is all about?
I hope you all have a great celebration of your own. If you don't, you're all welcome here! Come on by and have a drink. You'll have to pitch in with the tamales though.

picture draft

Remember in the Outsiders, when Ponyboy meets Cherry Valance to discuss the details of the rumble? This looks like that place, don't you think? I can just see her car there, and see her hair blowing in the wind. Can you see the sunset from the south side real good? Yeah, real good. You can see it from the north side too. I pulled over on the side of the freeway to take this. At least I wasn't driving, like last time right? Although I could still see the headlines.

This is a street by my work. It was uncommonly foggy the other day, so I decided to take some pictures. This one I was driving.....I admit it.

Check it out, it was snowing in San Jose! Just kidding, this is what happens when you forget to turn off your flash in the fog. I thought it looked kind of cool anyway.

Ben is skill! Skiller than all those other fucks!

Damn that Googlism!

I'm addicted. I am. I've been searching everyone's name I can possibly think of! I found some great ones when I put in Cindy instead of Cynthia.

cindy is a genuine swinger that wants to meet you (no kidding)
cindy is flashing in public (I'd like to)
cindy is all that and more (what about the bag of chips?)
cindy is the sea at high tide
cindy is for sale (amazon?)
cindy is a man (oops)
cindy is one of four vessels operated by norwegian poacher
cindy is a gorgeous cougar
cindy is turning into me
cindy is banished
cindy is the first doll that can see
cindy is on the right
cindy is the best there is
cindy is a member of draw
cindy is the most downloaded girl on the internet
cindy is being sucked into a washer (poltergeist-ish)
cindy is so very playful
cindy is one of my very best of friends on this planet earth and that's all i really need to say (oh, which one of you guys wrote that?)
cindy is so happy that she has a buddy
cindy is my little girl
cindy is a blue
cindy is eager to please
cindy is known as "the face"

There you have it! I can no longer be called the Lou, it's the Face from this moment on.
Please, please Googlism your name. You won't regret it.

Google does it again

I just received this link to Googlism. I guess you could say it goes beyond the Google search. It is quite entertaining. I have no idea how they come up with this, or why, but I like it. It wasted a good part of my afternoon. I put in just my first name and came up with the following:

cynthia is the secretary/assistant that can offer spanish (sure, a few swear words)
cynthia is easy (everyone knows that)
cynthia is waving her ring
cynthia is energetic
cynthia is livid
cynthia is probably right (naturally!)
cynthia is still the best (haha)
cynthia is a breathtaking example of beauty and poise combined with an extraordinary lyrical voice (in my dreams)
cynthia is an artist
cynthia is a dancer
cynthia is back on her bike (cool, huh?)
cynthia is a diamond (not the first time I've heard that)
cynthia is an incredibly attractive (what? an incredibly attractive what?)
cynthia is thinking (sure am!)
cynthia is a pleasure to work with
cynthia is a hands (?)
cynthia is to use (awesome, use me)
cynthia is also available at amazon (for the low price of....)
cynthia is still on the border
cynthia is brought in undercover to infiltrate a counterfeit money operation at a local newspaper cynthia is not a native of anywhere
cynthia is being silly now (just now?)
cynthia is a domina with an intense interest in bondage (dude!)
cynthia is real* answer me this
cynthia is the 28th most popular female first name in the united states; frequency is 0
cynthia is no longer there (or here, or anywhere)
cynthia is committed to finding and perfecting "no" (I wish)
cynthia is taking her time with this one
cynthia is not 'against jews' (by far the best one)
cynthia is like "winter without snowtires" (scary and unsafe?)
cynthia is given a parade in new york and then spends the night with christopher (who?)
cynthia is not a bright woman (oh man)
cynthia is almost painfully happy to see her little brother
cynthia is mrs
cynthia is really suffering
cynthia is also an incredibly gifted healer
cynthia is a bit of an eccentric (a bit)
cynthia is a rare combination of a great listener and enthusiastic problem solver
cynthia is one (very zen)
cynthia is robert’s (first christopher, now robert?)
cynthia is a self (uh.....)
cynthia is pro
cynthia is a large jill with a fluffy champagne coat (makes no sense, but I still dig it)
cynthia is a 17 (on a scale of 1-100 maybe)
cynthia is explaining to her grandfather that she and "warren" have quarreled and broken off their engagement (I really get around, don't I?)

So, there you have it. Everything about me you can find in a Googlism search. Please go there and search your name. Post your favorites on your own blog, or here in my comments, whatever. I'd really like to see them!

I rarely do the news posts

But I had to talk about this. Have you guys heard about the pregnant woman in Missouri who was killed and her baby was cut out of her and kidnapped? What the fuck is wrong with people? Can you even imagine how deranged a person would have to be to even conceive such a thing? I'm completely shocked and disgusted. I mean, this woman strangled the pregnant woman, actually took a knife and cut her open to take the baby. There was no point during that entire ordeal where she stopped and thought "Maybe this is bad"? When she killed the woman? When she was up to her elbows in blood? When she cut the umbilical cord? Thankfully, the baby was found in Kansas, and is doing well. This woman had two other children and a husband. Now this man will be raising three kids alone, because this crazy woman wanted a baby. I can't even think about this anymore, I'm embarrassed of the human race right now.
Here's the article if you're interested. The woman's name was Bobbi Jo, and she totally looks like a Bobbi Jo.

When all else fails, post a couple of quizzes.

I took this one from Lou-Lou's blog, and apparently it's pretty accurate. Wink wink.

You Were a Little Naughty This Year!

While you're not likely to greet Santa with sucker punch... He's still not too jolly about coming to your house. You might get a small token from Mr. Claus Like some detox pills for your liver.

Were You Naughty or Nice This Year?


I took this one from AT's blog. Not quite as accurate, but who doesn't love a good drinking quiz?

You're a Philosophical Drunk!

"Imagine, right, imagine the part of you that was you when you're speaking to me, isn't you, but that the you that's you when that's happening, the real you is the you that ... Shit, what was I saying? It's all about society, isn't it? Morality's just ... What?"


What Kind of Drunk Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

I don't know about this, I'm more the happy drunk, but I love the fact that the website is called Rum and Monkey. Now that sounds like a good time, rum and a monkey. Some kind of... I don't know, server monkey. We loves ourselves da monkey.


I found one more, while taking the "What Disease Are You" quiz. I'm not even going to post the results of that one because according to Michelle I'm the nerd of all diseases. So I'm posting what robot I am. Although I have never heard of Bender, I was told by Ben I should dig it, because he's a drunk robot. That's cool, a drunk robot! Bite my shiny metal ass is a good catch phrase, too. Maybe not as good as "You're fired" but I bet I could get some people to say it.


Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

But they look so pretty!

I've been having more OCD moments lately. I know that wrapping presents brings it on, I get so god damned anal about wrapping presents. The lines have to line up. The creases have to be sharp. It has to be pulled tight and taped just right. And don't even get me started on ribbons and bows! If I'm using curling ribbon I have to use two colors, one color just doesn't quite do it for me. Just now I got a little too excited about the fact that the stripe on the paper made a perfect square on either end of the package. Yeah....I need help.

The fact that I took a picture to show you doesn't say good things about it either. Do you want to know the best part though? It's the same on both ends of the package. I know, I'm having a hard time containing myself as well. It's just so.....so.....perfect. It makes me a little nervous that I get so happy about things like that. I seem to be getting more and more anal as the years go by. Do you have any idea how many times I have rearranged the ornaments on the tree? (I'm like Ken, editing away!) I have to say though, Caden rearranges too, so in reality I'm fixing what he moves most of the time. We can't have ornaments hanging from the lights now, can we? (Answer: No) When we were decorating the tree I heard the following phrase twice: It's ok, she'll just change it after you leave. *Damn it, they're on to me*
Sometimes I leave things alone on purpose, just to prove to myself I can. I feel like Monica when she left her shoes in the living room overnight.
*Lays in bed, eyes open, thinking about keys. "My keys are labeled 1, 2, and 3. But they're not in order on my key chain. I should change them. I should change them right now.*
But I don't. I make myself leave them alone, just for the sake of control. I can do it! I know I can. I hope so, anyway. Wish me luck.

My sister is a fucking comedian.

Just a note so you know I'm alive

I figured I'd better post soon before I start getting those "Hey Cindy, where are you?" comments! Really, nothing much is up right now. I'm busy getting ready for Chrostmas (and Christmas) and that's definitely not exciting enough to post about! So, I'll just ramble.
Does anyone else ever wear their slippers in the car on the way to work? I do. Especially when I wear these boots, because it's hard to drive in them. Note: These are my Buffy boots, not my sexy boots. Although I could see Buffy wearing the sexy boots. Well, I wish I could see it anyway. Let me leave the room for a moment and think about that........
Let's see....what else can I talk about?
Oh I know. Thank you very much, Roy Hobbs. I was so excited to find the bottlecaps in my bag. Nice variety too, Bud, Coors, and Corona. Like a rainbow of beer!
Hmmm.....
This morning I was driving through the parking lot at the hospital, and I was dancing around to Ben Harper and looked over to see one of the valet guys watching me. I was slightly embarrassed, but not really.
I will post again if anything good happens. I love you, my blog buds!
-Squirrel

In honor of Mr. La Pierre

My second favorite Canadian* is in town, and we're heading out to paint San Jose red. In honor of my second favorite Canadian, I am posting this picture. I hope you other Canadians don't take offense to this. You know all of this teasing is all in good fun. Good fun I say! I love Canada! I love Canada like you love that crack-head cousin who you don't really want to hang around with, but you love anyway because, well...he's family.


Oh, Canada!

*As far as my favorite Canadian goes, you know who you are. Wink wink.

Funny thing about actions

They speak louder than words. If you really don't like me, if you really have no interest in being my friend, if you really have some sort of problem with me as a person, that's fine with me. I can handle that. I am a little curious why this came about, but it's not keeping me up at night. My question is: If you don't want to be a part of my life, why do you keep involving yourself in it? Why are you so interested in what I am doing? Why do you bother to come here and read about me? If you were truly finished, if you really did not care about me, you wouldn't do it. You wouldn't care to know what I've got going on, and you certainly wouldn't take any action or make any moves based on my writing here. So, I am confused as to why you return. Why you took the time to search me out again. Why you couldn't just leave well enough alone. I mean, sure, it's a compliment that you find me so fascinating. It makes me feel great to know you have such a huge crush on me. I mean, what else could it be, right guys? Such a fine line between love and hate. If you were man enough you'd bring this to the table. Unfortunately, I know you too well. It's much easier to leave it like this, isn't it? Well, this is the last time I bring this up. I'm done. I refuse to edit my writing, and I refuse to be affected by the fact that you read this. I suppose since you took the time to hunt me down again you deserve to read it. So go to town. Enjoy it. I hope it satisfies you. Oh, and have a merry Christmas!

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

I don't like SpongeBob Squarepants. I just don't like him. Which is why it was a little disconcerting today when I was laughing every two minutes while watching the show. I think I may have to adjust my view of SpongeBob. The show's premise was SpongeBob trying to catch a bus back to Bikini Bottom. I don't know if any of you have seen this episode, but it was hilarious. The bus would come every time he stepped away from the bus stop. And I would laugh every time it did. Maybe this cold I have is making my brain fuzzy, but I really thought it was a funny episode. The only other time SpongeBob has made me laugh was when he was catching jellyfish with a net, and he said to one of them "You're my twelfth catch today. I'll call you Twelvy". That cracked me up for some reason. Still does apparently, as I am laughing while writing this! So, the moral of this story is SpongeBob may actually be funny. I will give him another shot anyway. Also, Dave Barry's column today is really good. How can you not love a newspaper article that begins with "I thought that, in today's column, I would heal the nation"? It's all about the controversy between the red states and the blue states. For your reading pleasure:
Do we truly believe that all red-state residents are ignorant racist fascist knuckle-dragging NASCAR-obsessed cousin-marrying roadkill-eating tobacco-juice-dribbling gun-fondling religious fanatic rednecks; or that all blue-state residents are godless unpatriotic pierced-nose Volvo-driving France-loving left-wing communist latte-sucking tofu-chomping holistic-wacko neurotic vegan weenie perverts? Yes. This is called "diversity", and it is why we are such a great nation-a nation that has given the world both nuclear weapons and SpongeBob Squarepants.
So there you have it. SpongeBob is funny, Dave Barry is funny, and Dave Barry mentions SpongeBob in his column today. Coincidence?

Again? Really?

Do I need to bring the people need to mind their own fucking business post over here? What the fuck? Why do you have to be in my business? Is it too much to ask for a place to write, where I can write what I want and not worry about other people? Am I that fucking interesting that you can't just leave me alone? I don't know who called him (if anyone actually did, could be just the excuse being used to know about it), but thanks. Thanks very fucking much. I really, truly appreciate it. Fuckers. Oh yeah, I'm sure you were concerned, if you were that concerned you would have called me directly. Stupid.
I'm not switching blogs again, that's too much trouble. You're not worth it. Besides, you'd just find me again anyway, being all obsessed with me. But if you could please do me just a teensy favor and quit talking about what I write here, that would be great. Thanks.

Story

I read an article in Parenting magazine today about a girl who is a genius. It was written by her mother, who has cancer. The girl graduated high school at 10 and is now enrolled in college at age 12. It was a pretty interesting article, short enough to hold my interest but well written. At the end the mom wrote about how she's not sure how long she has to live, and the girl said maybe that's why she was born a genius, so that her mom would have a chance to really know her even if she dies young. That really go to me, I was crying by the time I finished it. Goosebumps and all. That is so sad to me, not only the reality of the situation but that a 12 year old girl has the capability to understand exactly what is happening and respond in that manner. It's almost a blessing and a curse, I think. You would want to protect your child from the severity of the situation, but with this girl you wouldn't be able to. She has the mental capacity to absorb the information, but not the emotional maturity to be able to handle it or process it the way an adult would. Not that adults always do it right either. Anyway, I just wanted to post about this because it touched me, and I can't seem to shake it. I hope getting it out here helps.

Call me Quyen

I left work a little late today because of random issues, so I had to close up on my own. So it was already starting to get pretty dark when I was walking to the parking garage. I was on my way up the stairs when this little punk comes down towards me. I smiled (I always smile at everyone) and continued up, but he blocked my way! I thought it was an accident, you know how that happens, but he was doing it on purpose. So I looked at him and wouldn't you know it, the little fucker tried to take my purse! I couldn't believe it! Now, I've always been one to advocate giving whatever they want so you don't get hurt, right, but I've never been in that situation before. I got so pissed. I had my purse taken a few years ago on stupid CalTran, so I know what a pain in the ass it is when you have to go about blocking your cards and getting a new driver's license. But I surprised myself even, I guess because I got so mad. I totally kicked the guy! I did! I wasn't even really thinking about it, if I thought about it I probably would have pussed out and given it to him. I guess my primal instincts took over. I have never thought of myself as a tough person, I've never even been in a fight before. If he would have pushed it I definitely would have lost, but I think I must have surprised him enough that he backed off. Luckily, someone was coming down the next flight of stairs, I could hear them. He must have heard them too because he ended up running down the stairs. I was really close to my car, and I just jumped in and locked the doors. Afterwards it was pretty scary, thinking about what could have happened I guess. I was shaken up for a while, but I'm feeling better now. Actually, I'm starting to feel pretty proud of myself! For such a wimpy girl I sure stood up for myself. Don't worry guys, I'm fine really. Maybe I should get some pepperspray! On second thought, I would only end up hurting myself. I'll just be sure to always have company in that parking garage. I knew something was bound to happen, the city is a little shady at times. Well, all's well that ends well, right guys?

I made out with Ben.

The stamp on my hand says "Lucky"

I went to a concert last night at the HP Pavilion, AKA "The Shark Tank". Not that there are any Sharks swimming around as of late. Not being a hockey fan myself (sorry Mel) I don't care so much. Anyway, it was Carlos Santana, with Five for Fighting opening up for him. I have never been a huge fan of Santana, but it was free! Cisco Systems was putting it on for the employees, they spent a cool $650K. Free drinks and free food, can you beat that? As if I could say no. Anyway, I am so in love with both of them now. I don't know if it's just the concert high you get after seeing live music, but I absolutely adored them. Five for Fighting was great, the lead singer sang the first song and played guitar, the second song he played the piano, and the third song he played the harmonica. I'm always impressed by the multi-talented musicians. Plus, he was funny, which is always a mark in the win column. Apparently an employee names James had emailed the Five for Fighting guy to dedicate a song to his date, Emily. It was their third date. So he dedicated the song, and made some "third date" references about how Emily had no excuses now. I think James got a little action last night.
Then, after a brief interruption from the CEO of Cisco, Carlos Santana came out. He was so great. I really enjoyed the music. Nobody can rock a guitar like Carlos Santana, with the possible exception of Joe Satriani. He had some little hottie singing for him, I have no idea who he was but I wanted to bring him home with me. David said "I knew you liked that guy because he kind of looks like Rick" Me "What? I don't like Rick!" David "You do when you're in Mexican-mode" I never even knew I had a Mexican-mode! That is so awesome. There is something about that music that calls out to the Latina in me, I swear I have never felt more Mexican in my life! Which is really funny because if you know me, I'm so very white. As if seeing Santana live and being able to make tortillas from scratch constitutes being Hispanic. Note to self: go salsa dancing.
The funniest thing about the night though, was the crowd. I'm sure you have never been to a concert with 20 thousand geeks, have you? Well, I can happily say I have. (Ok, I really have no idea how many people were there, I'm just throwing out 20 thousand) They handed out those little flashlights with the fiber optic things that stick up, and they light up different colors? Those flashlights that are right at home in the hand of my son, but when you see a 50 year old man dancing with one in each hand, it's kind of scary? Yeah, those. I brought it home for Caden. I swear to you I did not wave it around during the concert. I swear.
As we were leaving, my sister said "Tell Santana I said hi!"
and Caden said "Tell Santa I want presents!"
I fucking love that kid.

Paying closer attention

I watched Rudolph with my son the other night. I saw that it was showing on TV Wednesday night but it coincided with Smallville (and we know how I feel about Smallville) so I had to go and buy it. That's better anyway, because there's no commercials. The toy companies are going crazy right now with the commercials, getting kids all hopped up for Christmas. It's quite effective. This is the first year I've had to deal with "I want that toy!" shouted at every commercial. Except the girl toys. For some reason, even a kid of 3 knows the difference between a girl toy and a boy toy. I don't like that he does, and I don't know where he's learning that, but he knows. I try to tell him that kids can play with any toys, but he's apparently been brainwashed. He scorns dolls and loves guns. Do you know that even if you ban all guns from your house, a boy will create one using nothing but a straw and a chip clip? I didn't know before, but I sure know now. Anyway, on to my point: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. I have missed it for several years now, so this is the first time I've watched it in a while. I noticed a few things about this movie that I have never noticed before.
First:

Santa is actually kind of an asshole. The elves sing him a song and when they're done he just says "Yes, well it needs some work. I have to go look at the reindeer" and leaves. He tells Donner that Rudolph's nose is a shame, and he'll never make the team. He shuns Rudolph, then shamelessly uses him when he realizes he needs him. What a bastard!
Also:

This Charlie in the Box is hilarious. He gets so upset, crying about his name. "What child wants to play with a Charlie in the Box!" He's so dramatic. I understand that a train with square wheels would be on the Island of Misfit toys, or a polka dotted elephant. But hey Charlie, how about just calling yourself Jack?
Next:

Did you know that Hermey the Elf yanks out all of the Abominable Snowman's teeth? I didn't remember that part, it was actually quite disturbing to me. They tortured the poor guy! Pulled out every single one of his teeth, then pushed him over a cliff. Sure he ends up being friends with them, but for some reason I had it in my head that he had a toothache or something, and the pain was making him mean, and when Hermey pulled out just that one tooth he became nice. I was very wrong.
This was funny:

The Elf Boss sounds like Dave Chappell, he keeps yelling "WHAT?" I laughed every time he said it, and responded with "OK!" each time. Hilarious.

So there you have it. The more sinister side of a classic.
Next up: How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Retaliation

I am posting the lyrics to one of my favorite songs as a response to a post by Dane, over at Super Fun Time. This is a great song, very folky, very mellow. Very funny. Enjoy!

Political Science*

No one likes us
I don't know why.
We may not be perfect
But heaven knows we try.
But all around even our old friends put us down.
Let's drop the big one and see what happens.

We give them money
But are they grateful?
No they're spiteful
And they're hateful.
They don't respect us so let's surprise them;
We'll drop the big one and pulverize them.

Now Asia's crowded
And Europe's too old.
Africa's far too hot,
And Canada's too cold.
And South America stole our name.
Let's drop the big one;
there'll be no one left to blame us.

We'll save Australia;
Don't wanna hurt no kangaroo.
We'll build an all-American amusement park there;
They've got surfing, too.

Boom goes London,
And boom Paris.
More room for you
And more room for me.
And every city the whole world round
Will just be another American town.
Oh, how peaceful it'll be;
We'll set everybody free;
There'll be a Japanese kimono for you baby,
And Italian shoes for me.
They all hate us anyhow,
So let's drop the big one now.
Let's drop the big one now.

*Originally by Randy Newman
**Released in 2003 by Glen Phillips of Toad the Wet Sprocket

(I am so amused by my own self)

New post

I posted on D-Nice's blog today. Hahaha, that's what you get when you add me as a contributor!
She made it so you can't comment though, and I couldn't take the time to figure out how to change it back, so if you feel like leaving any comments, you can do it here. Man I crack myself up. Really. Go see for yourself. I'm funny.

Testament to my weakness

I went out drinking with Roy Hobbs and another friend from high school last Saturday. We played fooseball and darts all night. I'm so out of shape that I'm actually sore from these activities. My arms are sore from wildly spinning the handles attempting to actually connect with the ball, which I miraculously did a few times. My calves are sore because every time I throw a dart I go up on my tiptoes. Don't ask me why, it's just the way I throw. I've been told it does nothing for my game. I tend to agree, yet can't stop. I am not a competetive person, so I don't really care to improve my game. I'm also a creature of habit, and don't adapt to change very well. So I'm stuck with the tiptoe throw, which suits me just fine. I guess I'll need to go play games and drink beer more often, so I can build up the right muscles. We can't have me being sore, now can we?

For YankeeBob

Here's a picture of Jack Skellington for YankeeBob. I wanted him to be able to share the experience. He's from The Nightmare Before Christmas. If you haven't seen it, you should. Also, here's a picture of Caden wearing his Jack Skellington sweatshirt. He keeps getting complimented on it. I think because it's not something you'd expect to see a three year old wearing.

Jack Skellington


Jack sweatshirt

I had to join in the fun with the Disneyland quiz!

"it's a small world": The happiest cruise
that ever sailed! Surreal and silly, or sweet
and touching, you are a well intentioned 1960s
homage to the world's diversity that
unfortunatly inspires feelings of sheer terror
in those who can't help but feel something more
sinister lays beneath your shiny surface. But
most cannot deny your charm, even if they
cannot explain it, and leave feeling better
than when they entered. Most overlook the fact
that because of your unique style and design,
courtesy of Disney Legend Mary Blair, you are a
true work of art and you deserve to be
appreciated. You are both worldy and
simplistic, both cosmopolitan and decidedly
middle American. You are a splendid
candy-coated contradiction with a sugary, sunny
song that one never forgets. If the world
truely listened to your never-ending optimism,
it could be a small world after all.


What Disneyland attraction are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Would someone please define candy-coated contradiction for me? I have to admit I like this part: something more sinister lays beneath your shiny surface. (If you haven't figured that out already, you haven't been reading between the lines)

Looking for fun and feelin' groovy!

I'm wearing my maroon shoes today, and I feel way cooler than everybody else. I tell you, it doesn't matter of you actually are cooler than everybody else, it's good enough just to feel that way.

Also, I'm getting drunk tonight.
Cheers!

I'm baaaaaack! (said in girl from Poltergeist voice)

Hello again, my sweet blog readers! I'm back from LA, not quite empty handed, but with no tales of violence to entertain you. Well, one tale of violence, but only involving myself and a turnstile. You would think someone my age would know how to operate a turnstile. You'd think. Judging by the bruise on my thigh, I'm lacking in turnstile education. Oh well, practice makes perfect right?
So, I spent one dinner with my Nazi brother in law and his Nazi-in-training son. I have to ignore what this guy says or I will drive myself crazy. I've been dealing with him for over 9 years now, and have found that the selective hearing method is best in handling the holidays. I've argued, I've debated, I've tried to prove my point. This guy is so good he almost had me convinced once that there's no such thing as Mexicans. I swear, I thought I had a clear stance on that one, being half Mexican myself, but no! I was almost convinced! I had no argument at all. I was speechless. Since then, I smile and look away whenever he talks. I'd hate to have him convince me that I'm lazy, and a criminal to boot.
We saw The Incredibles! It was.....absolutely incredible! I loved it so much, I was laughing louder and more often than anyone else in that theater. I totally want to be a superhero. Capeless, of course. (Cat, you know what I mean) Although, having a cape is pretty much the coolest thing about a superhero costume. Spandex I could do without.
Disneyland was really fun, my son loved it of course. It was freezing though, can you believe it? Jackets and hats at Disneyland! What? I got the coolest Jack Skellington sweatshirt. Spent $44 on it, but it was so worth it. I love Jack Skellington.
The drive home was a bitch. Lots of traffic. I wished for a teleporter not once, but twice. I wondered how traumatized Caden would be to see me throw myself out the window. I thought "Oh my god, I'm Rachel!"
Mel was "too busy" to hang out with me. I see how it goes...Grace and Nina call and it's "hey! I can't get into my car fast enough!". I call and Mel's like "oh sorry I just had dinner...maybe next time". Hmmm...... That's OK, I'm supposed to hook up with her next month when she's up here. If I'm not too busy that is. Kidding Mel! Now I will have the home field advantage...haha.
Remember the Monkey Battles!!!

I'm out! (said in Dave Chappell voice)

So, my blogger friends, I will be missing in action for a while. Heading down to the land of smog, traffic and.....Disneyland! I get to spend 2 glorious days with the (ugh) in-laws, followed by my payback of Disneyland on Monday. Please keep your fingers crossed that the majority of the free world will not be there as well. I'm not placing any bets on that one, but still, it's good to have blogger friends rooting for you. Also, you might want to keep your fingers crossed that I don't kill my brother in law. If I do, I'm calling Mel for bail. I'm sure she'd want to hang out with me then.....
Nothing quite like a murderous blogger buddy, huh guys? Am I right? Am I right?
(not that I'd know)
I will be back Tuesday, and I'm sure I will have some stories. Hopefully nice, wholesome, violence free type stories. Although that would be more interesting, I'm sure.
So, I hope you all get along ok without me. I know it will be hard. I know I'm like the hub of the blooging community. Your anchor, your light house in the storm, your beacon in the night. Try to be strong, my babies. Be strong for me, ok? Can I see a smile?
(Ok, done being crazy)

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night

Oh my liiiife!

Carl's Jr no longer has baked potatoes. (the one here anyway, can't speak for all of them) This means no more cheese. No melted cheese to dip my fries in. No melted cheese! Did you hear me? No cheese! Fucking Carl, I hate you.

It's official

I have a shoe fetish. I need help. It's a problem! I can't stop! Ten years ago I had maybe...3 pairs of Converse with a pair of Birkinstocks thrown in for the beach. That was about it. Now, I have so many pairs of shoes I'm embarrassed to count them. Do you think I'm trying to fill a void in my life by shopping? Maybe I figure I deserve it because I work so hard? Nooo...I don't really work that hard though. Three days a week hardly consitutes slavery. I don't have an explanation, all I know is I love shoes. I went out right before the concert Tuesday and bought two new pairs, the boots and a pair of maroon shoes I've been wanting since I was about 12 years old. I feel that after 18 years of desiring a certain type of shoe, I deserve them. Hey, it's my budget right? If I want to spend it on shoes I'm entitled. That's what "play money" is for. Shoes. Glorious shoes. On second thought, I don't need help. I think I'm ok with my love for shoes. It's better than a heroin addiction, right? Right?
So here's the new boots, and the new maroon shoes. I love my shoes. And my shoes love me.

boots


shoes

Pop Quiz

I got this from Evil, who by the way has some great Michael Jackson jokes up right now.
Keep in mind that I corrected the spelling mistakes in this description. All the your's should have been you're and that bugs the crap out of me. So, I may be ordinary, but I'm ordinary with OCD. That makes me just a little less ordinary. Right?


You're ordinary. You don't care if people think you're
weird or not pretty. You just want everyone to
know you're not a creep. You're just yourself which
makes you cool in a cool way:)


What Type Of Girl Are You???(Amazing Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Concert details

Holy cow, Mel, quit pestering me! Here's your details! Oh I'm just kidding, I would have written this yesterday but I was just too tired. I'm no spring chicken you know, can't rally like I used to. Oh, my liiiife!
Ok so, the concert was awesome, as you'd expect. Very loud, very fast, surprisingly sexy. What is it about a guy with a guitar? (as Cat would say *ponders*) Especially those punk guys with their guitars! The last few concerts I've been to have been Lyle Lovett, Alexi Murdoch, I think Jack Johnson and Ben Harper? There is a big difference between the way those guys play their guitars (especially Ben Harper, he sits down and lays it on his lap, weird) and the way Social Distortion plays their guitars. It's like:
Lyle Lovett: (pets guitar) Oh guitar, I love you so much, let me play you sweetly, we can make beautiful music together...
Mike Ness: oh yeah, guitar? really? I'm going to play you until you can't walk straight you bitch!
(by the way, I may be a little crazy?)
I love that wide-legged stance, the straight arms, it's like they're angry with the guitar. It just looks so cool. They played my absolute favorite song Sick Boy and they played Story of my Life of course. Oh, and towards the end Mike Ness called this kid up on stage with him and talked with him a little. He had the messy hair, rolled up jeans and Converse high tops, he looked so freaking cute.

MN: So kid, what's your name?
kid: Mike
MN: How old are you?
kid: seven
MN: How cool it that? He's seven years old and at a Social Distortion concert....on a school night.
MN: What's your favorite band?
kid: uh...yours?

Of course, I was looking at my watch thinking "why is that kid out so late?" but that's just the Girl Scout in me. I suppose some parents do stuff like that. Some parents also had their seven year old on the floor right in front of the stage. But I digress....
They said they'd be back sometime next spring. I totally want to go again. This time though, I'm going alone because I have never seen so many hot guys in one place before in my life. Although, there's no way I could go alone because I'd never actually make it from the car to the Warfield, this is how safe that neighborhood is. Crackheads everywhere, I tell you. Very interesting, those crackheads. So, concert: fun. Work yesterday: not fun. I walked in my door at 1am, and I'm up at 5:30 to go to work. Ouch. Then that stupid dinner with the board. (Mike, your plan worked brilliantly! I actually got a spending allowance for more concerts) Yesterday was one of the longest days of my life. Hence the short post and delay in concert details. Although for such a short post, I sure had a lot of interest in my stamp and my boots! I'm going to have to wear those more often...

Just a quickie

I will post details about the concert later, but for now I’d just like to go over some key points:

1. I saw 2 great T-shirts.

>draw no lines and erase the ones you have

>I killed Christ and all I got was this lousy T-shirt

2. I’m very tired. 4 ½ hours of sleep will do that to you.

3. There’s nothing quite like going to work with a stamp on the back of your hand. Especially when you have dinner plans with the board of directors. Any suggestions on how to get rid of this will be greatly appreciated. I’m sure the big drinkers out there have some sort of magic remedy. You know who you are.

4. What is it about a pair of boots that makes you feel so sexy?

In honor of...

Hey everybody...
It's Ian's birthday today. Well, actually it's tomorrow, but in the land of Oz...it actually is tomorrow. So head over to Ian's blog and wish him a very happy birthday, ok?

Today is Tuesday, November 16th

I am loving all my book suggestions! Thank you guys so much. I will definitely let you know what I think of them. That's fun, I think I'll ask you all every time I have a question or a decision to make. Hey, do you think I should have another baby? (joke)

So, I don't think I ever told you.....
Guess who's going to see Social Distortion tonight? Oh yeah baby, that's right! Social D, here I come. This time I don't have that pesky senior prom to get in the way of my going to the concert. Although if I did, I just might have to ask Mike Ness to go with me. Haha, Mel...

So, I'm including two pictures of my drive home from work. I don't know why I think you'd be interested in what I see while driving home from work, but here they are anyway. This is just the first half of the drive though, the second half looks just how you'd expect, with retaining walls around the freeway and everything. I love this part of the drive though, it's very pretty. Especially now that we've had some rain, the hills are starting to turn green again.
And yeah, I took these through my windshield while driving 80 miles an hour. I'm a really good driver?


keep on rolling


traffic jam

I'd like your recommendations, please

I'm almost finished with my book, and I don't have another lined up yet. This is a crisis for me. I need something and I need it fast! So I'm asking you all to advise me on the next book I should get. Please leave me comments with your favorite books, as well as why they are your favorites, if possible. Please help me bloggers...you're my only hope!

Extreme banking

I was talking to a member today. (that's what you call someone who belongs to a credit union, in case you didn't know. I don't mean I was talking to, like.....you know, a big penis or anything) So anyway, she was talking and talking and talking...and my attention span ran out within the first 30 seconds. It took everything in me to keep an interested look on my face. I don't even think I succeeded, I think my eyes glazed over right away. I had to use all my power to keep my face from showing when was going through my head, which was "If I had a gun I would shoot myself in the stomach to get out of this conversation".

Somewhere between heaven and hell

I was driving to work yesterday and saw a rainbow. Normal people would think "How pretty! A rainbow!" Not me. My sardonic side automatically takes control and I think "How sweet, god's promise to never make it rain like he did for Noah". Obviously I'm a non-believer. I'm a "show me and I'll believe" kind of girl. George Michael says we gotta have faith. I do have faith, just not in god. I have faith in mankind. I have faith in my family. I have faith in the fact that the world will continue, despite the outcome of the election. (sorry, had to throw that in there, joke!) I am the first to admit that my beliefs have their inconsistancies. I can't explain ghosts, but I think they exist. I just don't agree that ghosts necessarily mean there's a heaven. I can't explain the creation of the universe. I really don't care to though, that's not my job. I'm quite content living in my ignorance. I don't question my beliefs, because to me they're not that important. My lack of faith doesn't mean I run around raping and pillaging, I'm basically a good person. Probably better than a lot of the so-called Christians out there. Yesterday, however, the rainbow thought made me start wondering about how screwed I am if it turns out I'm wrong. I am an evil heathen. Around Christmas I make jokes about celebrating the birthday of jesus christ. At Easter I carry on about celebrating the ressurection of our lord jesus christ. I've thrown bibles in the garbage. I've said "fuck god". I even dislike the look of the word "god". If there is a hell, I'm headed straight there. My friend says it's better to hedge your bets on that one. I don't think it's good enough to just hedge. Like god's going to fall for that one. Oh yeah, he's omniscient, but he can't tell that you're half assing your religion? Sure. You go ahead and believe that. We'll see how far that gets you. Me, I'll go on living like I always have, and hope that either I'm right, and we just cease to exist when we die, or god really is as forgiving as they say, and lets me into heaven anyway. Although, I have a feeling heaven is pretty boring.

How do you sound?

Have you ever noticed the way certain people can say the word fuck and it sounds so natural coming out of their mouths? Then there's people like me who say it and it sounds like a little girl trying to act like a grown up. There's also people who sound like they're trying too hard, like my neighbor. She sounds like she's only saying it for the emphasis, but you just know she doesn't say it often because it sounds so weird from her. The Greenday CD made me think of this. (yes, I'm going to talk about Greenday again. I'm addicted, so help me!) Billie Joe can say fuck like he's saying hi, mom. It just sounds so natural. In the song "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" when he says:
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's all right
it sounds like he could have said "what's screwed up" or "what's messed up" and it would have had the same inflection. You listen to Eminem, however, and it's a different story. In his song "Kill you" he says:
You don't wanna fuck with me
and makes you feel as if you've actually *been* fucked. There is so much venom in the way he says that one word. Of course, there's a lot of rage in all of his words, but in fuck especially. I'm not saying I mind it, not at all. Why do you think I listen to Eminem all the time? I'm trying to learn how to say fuck like I mean it. Because I do mean it.

Ok, ok, I'm awake.

I had my first candy cane of the season today. I was at Longs and there they were, sitting on the counter, all tempting in their red and white deliciousness. I love candy canes. I also love the word deliciousness.

I picked Caden up yesterday at school. As we were leaving the teacher asked Caden if he wanted to take his brownie with him that they had baked that day. Caden was quite excited and proudly carried his brownie out of the class. He was saving it for the ride home. I asked him if he wanted me to carry it but he said no, he wanted to carry it. He really was very proud. We made it to the parking lot before he dropped it. Poor little guy. He looked up at me with such hope in his eyes: It's OK? No, Caden, it's not OK. We have to throw it away. He tried so hard not to cry but he was so disappointed. I rumaged around in the car looking for something to placate him. I had nothing! I was an unprepared mom that day. Luckily, the kid likes Altoids. I held out two of them, he got so excited: I get two? Why I get two? Because I love you so much! He really makes it easy for me. All it took was a couple of Altoids to make him happy. We should all be so easily satisfied.

Last note:
My blog is about 33% evil and 67% good, depending on the post I evaluate. If anyone would like to check the evile content of theirs, go to http://homokaasu.org/gematriculator/

I think it's highly baised, and a little wacked out. You might learn something about yourself though, you dirty little creatures, you! And yes, I used the word evile intentionally. It may not actually be a word, but I'm trying to start a movement. Jump on board!

Happy Veteran's Day to all of you.
Or Happy Remembrance Day, whichever applies.

Wake me up when November 8th ends

What a fucking day I've had today. I'm going to describe it, in detail. I'm hoping that getting it out will absolve me of all my angry feelings. Kind of like confession, only without the guilt.
So we begin at the beginning...
First thing I have to deal with at work is a guy who's truck we repossessed over the weekend. Oh, you have no money? Well, I'm very sorry but you have no truck either. Yes I realize that it is quite difficult to come up with $2400 to get it back. You should have called us earlier. Now, we don't do this very often. We are very lenient with our members. Call us and we will bend over backwards to make arrangements. Ignore us completely, however, and you will pay! Dearly! So while I feel bad for the guy, he brought it on himself. Then we have the "Benefits Fair" over at the hospital. This translates to "sit at a table all fucking day doing nothing". Michelle takes the first half of the day. Calls me at 9:30 to ask me to bring some stuff over to pretty up the table. I go there, check things out, decide to run over to Safeway for some flowers, get some candy to give out. The floral department at Safeway is awesome, gives me hope. Apparently the girl had a really bad case of OCD, because she arranged the flowers for about 20 minutes. Thank you very much! Now I will strap them into Caden's carseat and smash the hell out of them, time well spent. Next, over to See's! The lady in front of me was picking out her box of candy one peice at a time. Oh I'll take one buttercream. Oh those truffles look lovely, I'll take one of those. Let's see...what else looks good? I'm pacing around behind her like a caged tiger, digging my nails into my palms to keep from digging them into her jugular. Apparently they will only hire you to work at See's if you're dead. This is how slow the employees are. I don't want a fucking sample, can I just get my receipt so I can leave this hell hole? Thank you! Plus, the whole parking lot over at Sequoia Station smelled like chicken. Not good chicken either, it smelled like KFC. And it was making me feel like I was going to throw up. Head back to the hospital now, see a bunch of kids sneaking over the fence at the high school. INTO the school. Does this make sense? No, it didn't make any sense to me either, but at least I got a giggle out of it. Back to the table of doom, drop off the goodies. Pick up a Stress Dot. This is supposed to measure your stress level, kind of like a mood ring. Now, I don't know if I buy it, but it turns pitch black the minute I put it on. Head back to the office. I was there for 45 minutes, in this time I talked to Repo Dude 3 times. Nope, not budging. Deal with it. You had plenty of chances. Back to the hospital! Yay! At least this time I don't have to park at the bottom of the hill. Relieve Michelle at the table of doom. Sit. Stress dot is still black. I think it's stressing me out even more to have it on, I keep checking it: Is it still black? Oh look! It's changing from "stressed" to "tense" that's good! Oh, no, wait...back to "stressed". So, when I get bored I tend to talk. A lot. Some guy wanders by, and says my credit union logo reminds him of the Girl Scout logo. My answer? "I could be a Girl Scout. On special occasions". Did I really say that out loud? Do I have no STOP button? What about that little voice that tells you to think before you speak, am I lacking that voice? Apparently, yes. Finally, I get to leave. I get a Jamba Juice for lunch, lunch being 2:30. High point? I believe so.
The only reasom I am not dead at the bottom of a cliff or in prison for murder is the new Greenday CD I got over the weekend. This CD kicks total ass. I love it. I would be feeling completely murderous, get in my car and listen for a minute, and miraculously be OK. I *am* an American Idiot! I *do* walk the Boulevard of Broken Dreams! I *will* send a Letterbomb to See's! This CD was my salvation today, and I will be eternally grateful to Billie Joe. I don't think that CD will leave my CD player for a long, long time.
Now, I feel better, how about you? I'm going to go mix myself a tall Captain and Coke, and see if this stress dot turns a better color. Here's hoping for violet!

Blue skidoo, we can too!

Hi, I'm Steve, and I'm sexy.

Seriously, is it wrong to have fantasies about a character on your kid's favorite TV show? Should this be embarrassing? I don't know what it is about Steve that starts me thinking. Is it his big brown eyes? Is it his goofy manner? You know, goofy goes a long way with me. I feel a little guilty, watching TV with my son and having fantasies about Steve. I can live with the guilt though. I'm thinking: Come on, Steve. You and I can cuddle in your Thinking Chair and try to solve Cindy's Clues. Now, what can Cindy want to do with:


a bed


a condom


and a pair of handcuffs?

Let's think, Steve. Oh! I know! Sex! We just figured out Cindy's Clues! Good boy, Steve. Now let's get you out of those khakis and that green striped shirt...

This guy has gone on to become an indie rock star. I would bet money on the fact that a large portion of his fans are moms. Moms who couldn't accept the fact that Steve was leaving Blues Clues. These poor women spend their days knee deep in toys, diapers, and macaroni. The only high point was watching Blues Clues and dreaming of hot sex with Steve. When he left, they were forced to start fantasizing about Greg from the Wiggles. But we all know that Greg is a poor substitute for Steve. Nobody who dances like that could possibly be good in bed. With a woman, anyway. You know that at the end of the day, Steve is so tired of playing the good guy, the nice guy. He's probably very dirty in bed, just to reinforce his manhood. No, Steve is still the only one for me. I certainly don't have these feelings for the new guy, Joe. It's a good thing they still play re-runs, so I can get my fix. Oh, Steve, Steve. I thought you always said we can do anything that we want to do? Does that not include hot monkey sex on the Thinking Chair? Can't I play with your Handy-Dandy....uh, notebook?

Was it really time for so long?


Rocker Steve

Cute Steve

Just some pictures for your viewing pleasure

Bush
I found this one printed and in my drawer at work yesterday. Funny how these types of things end up in my desk. I thought it was funny!



Cooper
Who thinks the new kid on Jack and Bobby is hot? I do!


Harvey
I'd like to introduce you to a very dear friend of mine.

I forgot what eight was for

I was sitting on the phone today at work, talking with a member about a loan. I looked over and saw a spider crawling it's way up the wall. It was far enough away from me that I didn't freak out, so I just continued my call and kept my eye on him to make sure he didn't get away. This spider was struggling so hard to get up the wall. He kept slipping down, he'd regain his footing and try again. He didn't get more than two inches up the wall in the five minutes he had to work on it. I almost felt sorry for the little guy. I wanted to tell him not to try so hard, because in five minutes he'd be dead anyway. He had guts, I had to give him that. Of course, it wasn't enough for me to let him live. I hung up the phone, walked over and smashed him flat. Poor little guy.

Horoscopes

I wanted to share the Hairshirt Horoscopes with you all this week. I recommend checking them out weekly. It's normally a Wednesday thing, but apparently he was too depressed to think them up this week. They're up now though, so run, quick like little bunnies. Funny stuff. The rest of the blog doesn't suck either, but the horoscopes are the best. Have fun.

How do they come up with this shit?

You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla


I stole this from Kim's blog, decided to do a quiz and post it since I have nothing of value to say at the moment. I've only taken a handful of these quizes, and until now, I haven't been all that impressed with the results. UNTIL NOW. This one blew me away. This is so right-on, so absolutely, so exactly the opposite of me it's insane. Naive? Me? What the...? Ok, maybe 12 years ago, but come on now! I'm a woman of the 90's! (hee hee) I've been around the block a few times. Naive? Not Cindy-Lou, I'll tell you that!

Ready to vote

So I told Caden "Hey, let's go vote now! It's time to exercise our Democratic...." then I paused and looked at him because the word "rights" was eluding me at that moment. He jumps in with "duty". I was kind of impressed, "Yes, Caden our Democratic duty". Then he keeps saying it "duty duty duty" and I realized he wasn't saying "duty" he was saying "doodie". I think he has the right attitude about this election, what do you think?

Too bad I don't live like the Jetsons

I wish my house could clean itself. I would be on cloud nine right now if I didn't have to think about the mess I still have to deal with. Every party has a downfall, mine is my carpet. I just can't get the energy to vacuum. Could one of you guys volunteer to come vacuum for me? That woud be great...
So the Halloween party was great fun. I love seeing people dressed up, it makes for an interesting night. We had 2 Jedi knights, one voter complete with voting booth, a Super Sperm (yeah, scared me too), Martha Stewart in a prison uniform, 3 pirates, a dark angel, a white angel, a devil Diva, a couple 70's studs, 1 Shaggy, and a various assortment of spooks and ghouls and chicks with short skirts. I cannot be expected to remember everything, a pirate must have her rum after all. So the run down of the night:

1 small fire in the backyard
2 broken bottles
3 people ran into the screen door
1 couple fought
1 trip to the emergency room
1 trip to the liquor store for more beer
5 people passed out at my place
1 cell phone and 1 sweatshirt left behind (and if anyone knows who they belong to please call me!)
plenty of bottle caps carefully hidden in random places, just to extend the fun throughout the week (I can't say how many, I'm sure I haven't found them all yet)

All in all I'd call it a success! Hope everyone enjoyed their Halloween as much as I did. By the way, I love Captain Morgan.

How sweet is this?

Autumn posted just for me! What a sweetheart. I tried so hard not to miss anyone when I switched blogs, but I know some fell through the cracks and had to search for me. The ingenious ones like Grace found me through either stalking or luck, Autumn had to resort to calling out to me on her blog! Look at her post here to see how cute that is. She even used the Scooby-Doo song. So, to repay her I added a link to her site! She's one of us now. The few, the proud, the bloggers.

So, I'm listening to my favorite radio program, 90's Nooners. I love this! I really enjoyed the music of the 90's. I just heard Lucious Jackson. I completely forgot how much I like that song.

came around after dark
you are nothing but a lark
know I snuck in like a narc
I knew I had to leave my mark
wanted to be satisfied
I tried to be dignified
wearing nothing is divine
naked is a state of mind

Awesome.

Another song that means something to me

For some reason this popped into my head today, and I can't get rid of it. So I'm passing it along to you:

He's Popeye the Sailor Man
He lives in a garbage can
He eats all the worms
and spits out the germs
He's Popeye the Sailor Man!

Enjoy!

Lennon/McCartney

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

This song has always meant a lot to me. My 9th grade english teacher played it for us, along with Piggies and Julia, when we read Animal Farm. I could see why she played Piggies, as the song is pretty much the book set to music. I think she just played the other Beatles songs because she wanted to hear them. And didn't want to hear us. Plus, I heard she had a nervous breakdown the year after I graduated from high school. I don't think it had anything to do with me though. Anyway, I hope you all read these lyrics and take something from them. I do, every time I listen to this song.

Can't wait for Chutes and Ladders

I've been playing Hi-Ho Cherry-Oh with Caden a lot lately. A lot. That's one thing about pre-schoolers. They don't get bored with doing one thing over and over. They find something they like and they go with it. Forever. It's kind of cool playing games with him though. It's really impressive the way he always gets the number of cherries that he needs. If he has 4 cherries left, amazingly enough, he'll land on 4 cherries! Sometimes that happens for me too, but only once Caden has won the game. After he wins first, then it's my turn to win. So I'll usually get the number I need. But only after he wins. I'm absolutely, under no circumstances, allowed to win first. I'm allowed to win second though, so that's cool. At least I'm a winner.

I just had to share

My sister is the greatest. Here is what she had to say about my recent drama:
I am sorry you had to go through that. He stinks. He totally intruded
your blog world and used your material against you. I hate him now. He
is the evil of all blogs. If he shows up at your party I will throw rocks at him.
A word to the wise. Don't piss off my sister. And what pisses her off more than anything? Fucking with me. I love that! My little sister more than makes up for the other, less wonderful members of the family. What a girl.

You'll never take me alive, Copper!

I drove to work this morning with one headlight out. I was completely paranoid about getting pulled over. I'm looking around me, I'm not speeding, I'm trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Half way here I'm telling myself: Relax, Cindy! It's not like you're smuggling cocaine, it's a headlight! Scared I'm going to end up in cuffs in the back seat of the police car. It's a headlight! Not a dead body in the trunk! Good thing it's still light when I go home, I'd have to call a cab or something, there's no way I could handle the stress. I've been accused of being a Girl Scout and a bus driver, because I like to follow the letter of the law. I swear, sometimes I'm such a goody two shoes I surprise even myself. Oh well, at least you'll never see me on Cops.

I decided to move this post over here, because I like it.

It's funny how people can surprise you. In both good and bad ways. Someone you might think would react to something a certain way will show you a different side of themselves. Someone else who you had thought was mature, will suddenly act like a crybaby bitch. Then take the easy way out and not even tell you why they're acting like a crybaby bitch. Things like this can separate you from a person, or bring you closer together. The fact of the matter is: People do change. That's part of the complexity of human beings I suppose. Humans are powerful creatures. The emotions we hold have a power over us, and other people. Some people use their power for good, some for evil. Most of us do both, and usually without even meaning to. How easily we can hurt someone with just words, or how simple it is to make someone happy, with a kind gesture. You can do something as small as send someone a picture or a CD and not think it's a big deal, but you've brought them a little joy. You can also wound them with words that you may not even see as hurtful. It's all part of growing up. Learning how to relate to others, and learning how people affect each other. I don't think we ever stop learning these lessons in life. I hope we never do. Each experience we have brings something to our lives, and good or bad, these little lessons make us who we are.

Aaaahhhh, smell that clean, fresh scent?

Sorry about getting all nuclear on my blog, guys. Drama sucks. People suck. That last blog sucked. So I'm starting over with a clean slate. I will never again make the mistake of telling people about my blog. Except you blogging folks, you guys are awesome. I got so many emails from concerned bloggers! It was really touching, I mean it. It made me feel so loved. What was it called....oh yes, Cindy Love Fest 2004. Which I have to say sounds like it would be a great time. Anyway, I appreciate all your concern, and I will be back to my regular programming here, in my new, secret blog. (insert Mission Impossible theme song) CL is the name, blogging's the game, right?

People need to mind their own fucking business is what I think. Stupid mother fucking trouble maker sons of bitches. I don't know why people do that shit, I really don't. I've been accused of being "intentionally cruel". Well, I'm not. I may unintentionally cruel, but I'll tell you what: intentionally cruel is specifically pointing something out to someone that you know damn well will hurt them. And for what? For the fucking fun of it? Because their lives have been too drama free that they think "Hey, I know, I'll stir up some shit then sit back and laugh!". I have a problem with my mouth getting me in trouble, I admit that. This is because my view of acceptable vs unacceptable shit talking is different from other people most of the time. The only person who holds pretty much the same views of what is OK is Ang. If someone made fun of something dumb I had said (and they have, believe me you!) I wouldn't get upset about it. It's perfectly OK. On the other hand, I would never say someone had a big nose, for example, or anything derogatory about them physically. Maybe this is because I don't think it's right to mock what can't be helped. While, if I say stupid things at times, this can be helped. Who knows why my view is a little skewed, I won't apologize for it, it's just part of who I am. Another part of who I am is letting people talk, and not getting involved in their business. I have enough shit on people that if I chose I could break up marriages, end friendships, end engagements, end careers. I do not spread this around because it's none of my business. Why is this not understood? Mind your own fucking business, and stay the fuck away from my blog.

Oh, it's already been broughten

I've decided that Bring the Funk by Ben Harper is my new favorite song. I mean, who wouldn't love a song with such lyrical gems as:

Stay black
Stay white
Stay brown
Get on down
Bring the funk

or

Oh, funk me up
Funk me down
Funk me sideways
Funk me always
Bring the funk

(how many times do you think I wrote fuck while typing those lyrics? I had to back up and delete quite a few times. Damn you, Dr Freud!)